Silence Before the Storm
by Neon Lumberjack
Summary: Come and enter a world torn by war and hanging by a thread. All hope seems lost. Is there a way to regain balance? Can good presume and evil be stopped? Will hope return to those who have lost all that they had? It was silent before the storm.
1. Chapter 1

**Silence Before the Storm**

**Prologue **

I never thought much about dying- dying on the inside that is. The spasms of joy that roll their way through life have tragic endings. And in their violent fall, shatter and die. The painting portraying everyone's life is smudged some way or another. The smudge of my painting resembles all the things that have fallen because of me… tears… blood… loved ones…

It had been four months since the death of Aang, and the Fire Nation was nearing closer to winning the war, and they would when the comet came, which was sometime in the future. Only Aang knew of the time when the delicate earth would crumble beneath the unforgiving fist of the Fire Lord. The only kingdom that still wasn't under the Fire Nation rule was The Water Tribes, but many- even those that did not want to believe it so- knew that the Water Tribes in time would fall to their knees at the Fire Lord's feet. There was little left of the gang. We had become a shattered mess lying on the ground, crying out for help, but none came. We had acquired a new member, but it was a trade that should've never happened. The young and rage filled prince had joined us instead of Azula in Ba Sing Seh, and in turn, we lost two other members. But before that, our powers had started to rise above the young firebending prodigy, but in the end, it wasn't enough. She proved to be too great and powerful, and for our ignorance and blinded ways of not seeing how foolish our actions were, we paid the price with the spilling of a cherished friend and the world's salvation's blood- Toph's blood… and Aang's blood.

All of the little remains of the once great and strong liberators were currently hiding in Zuko's families' old summer house. It was on a small island that only had a population of about 250. We in that house for the longest of times, hoping to once again regain our "honor", - as Zuko had put it time and time again- and rise to our challenge, and defeat it this time. No one left our safe haven in which was only safe for the time being. We never knew when- or if it ever would happen- we would be found out. For the first month or so, we would all sit around waiting for the ambush to happen, waiting for our cover to be blown, waiting for the last bit of all our hope to burn out.

I remember feeling so alone and cold. Without Aang to help guide me through life, I seemed to be nothing. I saw his presence everywhere I went. I wept myself to sleep for over three months. Remembering Aang was nothing compared to the depression. I ached all over. My mind slowed down. I couldn't concentrate even on my waterbending. Each night brought more and more memories that I wished never had ended, and wanted more of them. I couldn't find the peace I once had. When he left, he took the last thing I ever had to hope for. Aang was the only thing that kept me from going insane with the worry and anxiety of the Fire Nation attacking and overrunning the Water Tribes. And now, I do not even know who I am anymore.

Even after I had cried myself to sleep each night, I still could not find any peace- or anything sane for that matter. They came flooding in like a tsunami. They didn't stop. They didn't let up. Every night, it was something different. Each nightmare gave me another thing to fear or dread. They put even more things into my mind, and put more weight on my shoulders. I soon felt as if I had become insane from all the loss and anxiety.

Every day seemed to drag on. Depression became all too real to everyone as I lost all interest in something new every day. I would just sit and stare at the wall or out a window. Sokka and Zuko would urge me to play a game of mahjong or share a cup of tea with them, but nothing seemed suffice. I barely ate anything. I would've starved to death if Zuko and Sokka hadn't of sat down and forced me to eat. I only ate the bare minim to get them to just leave me alone. I grew weak and skinnier without eating my full amount.

It was like that day after day. No one said anything. I guess they both felt that in order for me to come to terms with Aang's death was for me to just mope around. Finally one night, Zuko admitted that he was tired of me being so somber. He said that he would help me mourn him, but be able to go on with my life. I do not think that neither he nor I could ever achieve that goal. I believe that all hope is lost.

~It was a chilling evening- even for the Fire Nation. The sea pushed and pulled waves onto the shore connecting to the beach house. It was Zuko's week to watch me eat my dinner. It was also the night that I decided to be stubborn. I sat in front of an arm crossed Zuko, and staring at him as he tried to urge me to eat my bowl of rice.

"Come now, Katara," he pleaded. "Just eat the rice."

I stared at him. I didn't give in to him when he kidnapped me and interrogated me, so I wouldn't give in to him now. Not even if it was over the matter of a little bowl of rice. I just wouldn't.

Zuko gazed into my cerulean eyes. His eyes blazed with an intense force of angst and compassion. It was a strange mix in feelings, but it somehow all pulled together to create something so compelling within those two small orbs. It was almost magical…

"Please, Katara…" he bit his lip. "This just isn't normal. And it isn't healthy at all. What are you going to do when the eclipse comes? Huh? You won't be strong enough to fight, let alone stand up and walk into the battlefield," he tried to reason. Even with the thought of the attack we were planning on going through with when the eclipse came, it wasn't enough to get me to eat.

"No, it won't work," I mumbled.

Zuko looked up at me. His mouth was slightly parted. "What?"

I sighed. He just didn't get it. He thought that there still was hope. But… There wasn't. There isn't.

"Without Aang," I enlightened. "there isn't any hope. We can't win without Aang."

"Of course we can. We've come close to winning before."

I shook my head. "Yeah, we've come _close_ to winning. We haven't won anything major. The Fire Nation is winning!" I stood up. "With your sister out there spreading all her evil and malice into the world, we _can't_ win."

"Katara, don't be so negative," he chided. A two year difference was not going make me stop and obey him. "Listen, I know how your feeling;"

My lip quivered. I knew what was about to happen again. The tears would come flooding out any second. I snapped my head down. I couldn't let Zuko see me cry. He would only look down on me for it. He would think of me as weak. I couldn't give him the satisfaction of showing him that I _was_ weaker than him. I was. I just couldn't let him know that for sure. As much as it sickened me to know that I was weaker than him, I couldn't help it. It was out of my control.

"You're feeling lost," I began to fidget with the hem of my dress, "cold, and empty, useless, like no one understands you. You feel like you can't talk to anyone- that you have to bottle it all up inside." He paused for a moment before going on.

I stopped. Was that really how it was going to end? He couldn't have been right, could he? No, of course not. I couldn't end up like that. It was completely absurd. It wouldn't- couldn't- end like that. At least, I didn't think so. "Now," Zuko said. "Will you please eat your rice?" he smiled at me.

I sighed. There wasn't a way to get out of this dinner. I slowly reached for my chopsticks and picked up some rice. Zuko watched with intent as I chewed the small amount of rice and swallowed. He watched as I shoveled out every last grain of rice out of the bowl.

Once as I was done, I dropped the chopsticks in the bowl and shoved it back at Zuko as I glared death at him.

Zuko gave me a triumphant grin while I glared at him. He grabbed the bowl and took it to the water pump to wash it off.

I let out a defeated sigh.

Things had been different when it came to Zuko and me. We had opened up a bit since the Great Battle. Things were nicer in a way. Arguing was still commonly heard around the beach house, but it was never escalated to the point of us actually battling. We had grown together; in the sense of we had matured. We weren't those silly kids anymore. We had felt loss and despair, and love. We knew what lay ahead of us if we don't defeat the Fire Lord. We grew closer and we bonded much more than I ever thought would happen.

Something inside us both had erupted- that or snapped from the shock of losing Aang. Something that I guess had been forming for years finally exploded and came out into the real world. When either of us tried to say what it was out loud, we couldn't build up the strength and come over our pride to really say what it was. I don't even think we had both agreed on what it was and that we both felt it. It kind of went without saying. Love. And it was true love. At least, I hoped it was.

At first, I had covered up my feelings and kept saying I was trying to make up my loss of Aang with making up fake feelings for Zuko. Then denial came upon me. I didn't want to admit that I had fallen in love with the Fire Nation Prince. My pride and ego kept me away from what I needed most. What I longed for. Zuko. It sounded so crazy to say that I needed him, Zuko. Of all the people in the world! I had developed feelings for the Fire Prince! I couldn't believe it. But it was true. And I couldn't deny it no matter how much I had wanted to.

"You know," Zuko started while washing the bowl. "I could help you overcome your loss of Aang. Believe me when I say I've had my full share of loss too."

Anger poured from my stomach and out of my mouth like vomit. "Yeah…" I looked down, hatred for the man that killed my mother and Azula flashed behind my eyes. Taking me down into a place I longed to never go again. The events branding the memories into my brain. "So have I."

Zuko suddenly paused, remembering that he wasn't the only one without a mother. "Oh… I'm sorry I forgot you lost your mother too."

"Yeah!" I stood up as he turned around to face me, shocked I had become so bipolar. "Well, I haven't forgotten!" My nose wrinkled in disgust. "She meant everything to me!" I quieted down, sitting back on the stool. "At least you don't know if your mom's dead or alive. I know all too well… I was there…" I spun around in my stool, not wanting to face him.

"Katara," he said with such sympathy I was almost willing to listen to what he had to say. "Don't you think I've been down that road too? I was right there along with you, feeling lost and betrayed by everyone. But you can't give up." He walked over to me, and turned me back around, facing him. "You just can't.

"I know what you do when no one's around. And I feel that same kind of pain. I did what you do." He put a hand on my shoulder, making me look up at him. Our eyes stayed in contact for what seemed like hours on end. It was almost an unbreakable grip that held us together. Slowly, Zuko reached down and took hold of my left hand, and began to untie my wristband. He was going to look upon my wrist. Upon my darkest secret. I wanted to stop him, to slap his hand away, but I just couldn't find the strength to just say no to him. I don't know what possessed me to do nothing, but stare at his hand working its way through to my secret that no one knew. Whether it was the universe or God I don't know.

When Aang died, I gave up on just about everything, even my faith. Before the Great Battle, I was a strong believer in Christ, but then everything changed when Aang died. I became an atheist. I didn't believe in such silly nonsense. I believed that since I couldn't understand how something like Him could be, then He must not be real at all.

Before I knew it, my wristband had fallen to the floor below. Zuko and I both gazed down upon my collection of scars. My escape method that I had tried time and time again showed clearly to us both. My secret had been revealed. My secret life of cutting had become a real thing to Zuko and not just a hunch.

Zuko let go of my hand, letting it cascade into my lap. He then rolled up his sleeve. "Look." He said, pushing out his wrist towards me. "I have a set too."

* * *

**A/N: Well, there you have it! The first chapter of Silence Before the Storm! I hope you liked it! I really had fun writting it! I'm sorry that it took so long to get it out, but I wanted to make sure it was perfect! So yeah! Chapter 2 will be out soon!**

**-Neon**


	2. Chapter 2

I gaped at his scars. I had no idea that Zuko had had a secret life of cutting also. I guess I wasn't alone. I had hidden and ducked away from every possible moment that Sokka or Zuko might discover what I had inflicted upon myself, and now Zuko was willingly showing me his scars from his knife. He was stronger than me, and he proved it seconds ago without even meaning to. It baffled me as to how he could just willingly show me all that he had done to himself and not feel embarrassed. Well, even if he was embarrassed, he was doing a really good job of hiding it.

"B- but… How…? W- why…?" I gaped at him. I didn't understand how he could have motivation to try to kill himself. Didn't he have a great childhood until he was banished?

"My mother," was all he said.

"Wh-"

He sighed, letting out all his breath. "My mother left without a trace one night. And after that, no one really loved me the way she did. I felt so alone and betrayed. So, I began to hate life and myself. I'm not proud to say that I did this- and when my children ask me if I ever tried to kill myself, I won't be able to tell them no, that I wasn't strong enough-, but I did cut my wrists.

_Children? He wants children? _

"I'm sorry," I sympathized.

"In a way, I'm not."

I looked at him, puzzled. Why wouldn't he be sorry for trying to kill himself? Did he still cut? Did he believe that it was right?

"I guess, for me at least, it shows that I can overcome anything. I mean, I overcame death numerous times, not to mention all the battles. It's a reminder of what I strive for. That I'm not the only one out there that needs help. Does that make sense?" he looked at me.

"I guess… but… why do you reach out for me?"

He let out a breath, releasing all his energy and replacing it with something new and lively. "Because I don't want you to give up. I've seen you before- the real you. I've seen how driven you can be when it comes to something you believe in. I've seen how you fight till your last breath for something that's right. I've seen you when you have hope lights up your beautiful blue eyes. I don't want you to lose all that just because of this one little thing."

This one little thing?

"No!" I stood up, forcing Zuko to take a step back. "Aang was much more than just a little thing!" I took a step forward in anger. "He was much more than that! He was my very best friend! You're only half of what he was! So don't you _dare_ say he was only a little thing! You could never amount to what he was."

Hurt pierced through Zuko's eyes like lightning, but quickly disappeared. He closed his eyes and shook his head. His shaggy, ebony hair waved back and forth in front of his eyelids. He opened his eyes and met mine, revealing a mask of plain numbness. It felt as if I was looking into my own eyes.

"Yeah, well, maybe I'm not. Maybe I'll never be like Aang. Maybe I'll never be so great and good and pure at heart like he was. He was the Avatar for crying out loud! I can't change who I am!" He shouted. "I'm the Prince of the Fire Nation. As you said before, 'Spreading war and hatred is in your blood!'" he said, making his voice higher trying to imitate me.

"I can't change," Zuko pointed to his scar. "the scar on my face! It's permanent! Forever being here with me, being a part of who I am."

_I can't change who I am…! _Those were his exact words. He's nothing like Aang, true, but he can be good. He's shown me how much good he has inside of him. Or was that all a lie? All a hoax? What he said… Does that give me reason to believe the he could take a step back, give me a reason to think he might turn against us? Should I fear for not only Azula and Ozai, but Zuko also?

Though Zuko has shown how much worth he has and how much he can impact the world for the better, I've always had doubt that even though he's wonderful now, what can stop him from betraying us? What could stop him from joining Azula? Nothing… If he truly wanted to rule the world like his father and his father's father before him, then there couldn't be anything to stop him. Sokka and I could only do so much. Zuko could be as ruthless and callous as his sister and father, slaughtering anyone who stood in his way… Slaughtering me…

I closed my eyes, momentarily escaping from my world of sorrow. "If you can't change, then who you are? Why are you even here?" I screamed, far beyond my boiling point. "If you can't change and you can't change who you are and who you were, then why do you bother to try to change the world if you haven't even changed the one thing that can help change the world? By changing yourself from the inside out you can change the world one step at a time! How can you be preaching to me about changing my ways to help save the world when you're shouting at me about how you _can't _change?" I was panting from my long, ranting spiel. "If you truly believe that you can't change then you're nothing, but a hypocrite and a liar."

Zuko stared at me, searching for words. I felt as if I had caught him in his lies. It felt almost good, and yet so wrong. Pain shot through my chest. If I had truly caught Zuko in his act then everything I had grown accustomed to, everything I learned to love, everything I depended on was a lie. It couldn't be all a lie could it?

"If I'm wrong, tell me," I gasped, praying that I'm wrong, that everything Zuko told me was the truth and nothing but, the truth. "Tell me I'm wrong!"

Zuko said nothing. His lip quivered, moving down as if to say words. But nothing came out, and he shut his mouth once again.

I slumped to the floor. Tears flooded over. I _was _right. Zuko was lying to Sokka, me, everyone. I was being used. I slapped my hand to my mouth, trying not to show Zuko that he's hurt me once again. A muffled cry escapes my captive lips.

"Katara, I…" Zuko started.

I shook my head. I was done. I was done being lied to, being used, I was done with Zuko.

"Just go…" I whimpered.

"But, Katara, it…"

I snapped my head up, glaring at Zuko. "Just GO!" I screamed, telling Zuko that he was not welcome anymore. After all that had happened, it was gone. Everything was gone. Trashed and wasted.

I looked back at the floor. I couldn't bear seeing Zuko leave. To see his lying face walk out the door would make me break down even more than I had already. I didn't get off the floor. I sat there for I don't know how long.

I heard Zuko walk away. His footsteps echoed into the hallway and disappeared. Five minutes passed before the familiar sound of his feet entered the kitchen. I saw Zuko's feet mere inches from my head.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

_No, you're not! You'll never be sorry._

Zuko turned and walked away, out the door. "I love you," were his last words before the door slammed shut.

I choked another cry out. I didn't move a muscle. His last words hung in the air. They echoed in my head. They danced around my memories. I became frozen, never moving or thinking. It was a huge blow to my mind. First Aang, now… now I finally realized that Zuko had been a traitor not to the Fire Nation, but to everyone except the Fire Nation! I couldn't believe how stupid I had been! I was so sad and angry and hurt by what he had done.

* * *

"_Katara! Katara!" I hear Aang shout distantly down the corridor._

"_I'm coming, Aang!" I holler back at him, knowing he'll never hear me even if I am a foot away._

_I run as fast as I can, sprinting towards the looming doors. Fire engulfs my past and chases me farther and farther down the hallway. The fire comes close, clawing at my dress. I use a bolt of energy to jump ahead of it, but nothing that would ensure my safety or Aang's. _

_My breathing becomes ragged and hard to push in and out. I struggle to stay ahead of the consuming fire. Aang's terrified scream echoing through the hallway. I, myself, scream at the sound of hearing my dear friend in such pain and torture. I cry out to God to make my feet fly like the eagle. Nothing! No change elapses to make a difference!_

"_Ah! Katara, help… me…!" Aang's weakened voice calls out to me. _

_Tears run down my dirtied face, leaving a clean and anguish- filled trail. "Aang!" I needed him as much as he needed me. "Aang! I'm coming!" _

I'm coming… _I tell myself._

_The doorknob's delicate imprint soon comes into my view. I know that I am close to him. I'm almost there. I wish that it isn't too late. This can't be the end of him and me! We have so much to do! Don't let it be too late!_

_I burst through the towering doors. My body and all its insides freeze… Crumpled on the floor was Aang's tattered and bloody corpse. I vomit, throwing all my meals previously consumed early on in the hours before. I scream after I finish throwing up. _

_I take a step forward, carefully evading my throw- up. My breathing is haggard and rugged. Tears form at the bottom of my eyes, then take leave and travel down my dirty cheeks. I fall to the ground in sorrow._

_I cry as my skin crawls in horror. I reach out tentatively at Aang's body. My fingers touch the coarse, bloody fabric on his arm. I take a sharp intake. No… It can't be… It just can't be…_

My eyes flashed open. Sokka was hunched over my bed with his hands on my shoulders. His eyes were full of concern and worry. His hair was hanging down, out from his usual top knot now that we had been living in the Fire Nation. Sokka was only wearing black shorts.

I sat up, looking around my room, making sure I was still in my room. My eyes widely scanned the room. It looked just the way I had left it when I fell asleep. My empty dresser stood against the far wall diagonal from my bed. The window was slightly parted as normal. My backpack was turned on its side with the lid clipped shut. It looked normal. But my entire world felt far from normal.

"Wha-" I gasped, confused at the sudden awakening. True, I had remembered that I had just awoken from another nightmare, but I couldn't understand why Sokka was standing over me, with worry- stricken.

"You were screaming again," Sokka pronounced. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I closed my eyes, lowering my head, and shook my head. Talking about what had happened and what had just happened would only bring on more suffering. I hoped that Sokka would understand that even though he seemed to be ok with the death of Aang, I wasn't. I would never be alright with my very best friend dying the way that he did. I can't forget it. And I most certainly cannot forgive.

Sokka reeled back slowly. "Ok… But just know that I'm here for you. Always."

I nodded.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, so I've been really really busy lately so I haven't been able to get the second chapter out until now. I'm terribly sorry that it has taken this long to get this much out. Between school, basketball, homework, chores, and dinner I hardly have time for rest! It's really crazy, but my lowest grade is a B, so things could be worse. Well, I don't really have anythinb big coming up... Oh! I've been thinking about making a version of Silence Before the Storm in Zuko's point of view. Hmmm... Well, I've got to finish this one first! Haha! Well, tell me what you think of this and my idea of SBS in Zuko's point of view and tell your friends and whoever about it too! Oh, and please, please check out my story on fiction press called Trapped By Love. My user name is the same so you shouldn't have any trouble finding it, and the 3rd chapter will be out either later tonight or sometime tomorrow!**

**-Neon**


	3. Chapter 3

Awakening rays of sunlight hit my eyes, forcing them to open exasperatedly. I slowly sat up, stretching out all the wretched kinks from the hours of hardly any movement. I moved in my sleep, true, but I didn't move nearly as much as Sokka. He could fall asleep on his back in his bed and wake up by the door. I yawned, pulling my body from the silky covers.

As I shuffled my way down the hall, I remembered what had happened the night before. I froze. I had forgotten that I wouldn't see Zuko smiling at my bed head when I would walk into the kitchen or the living room. I wouldn't hear his ever so cheerful "Good morning" like any other morning.

_Wait… I _want_ Zuko to be there? Ha! No, never again will I fall for his charm or lying ways. He betrayed and played me! I can't ever go back to him- never! No, never… I can't… ever…_

I walked into the kitchen, and the smell of eggs and rice welcomed me, dragging me farther into the room. Sokka was sticking his head in the stove, checking on bread. He straightened up, closing the stove door. He grabbed a wooden spoon and stirred the eggs, realizing that they were done. He pulled the pan off the stove and dropped the contents into a ceramic bowl.

I guess Sokka hadn't realized that I was standing right in the doorway for he began to talk to himself. "You know what? I don't care. It's for the better. In fact, I'm proud of her. I never trusted him to begin with, but she had to be all 'forgiving and there's always good in everyone'." Sokka sighed. "But now… he's gone, and I think that maybe… maybe this was the final straw. Maybe she's broken completely. I had hoped that perhaps he was just what she needed. Guess not…"

A tear rolled down my cheek. I quickly swiped it away. "Sokka?" I croaked.

Sokka spun around, startled and a bit embarrassed. He smiled a little in return.

I let out a shaky breath. "I'm not completely broken. I, in fact, feel better. Maybe Zuko being with us wasn't for the best. Maybe him leaving was for the better," I said as much as my heart longed for me to say that Zuko leaving was just as much of a tragedy as Aang's death had been. But I couldn't admit to Sokka that I had acted due to my rage and defiance. He sounded so happy that Zuko was gone; that I just could not tell him that I wanted so dearly to take back all the words that I had said. I lied just to make Sokka happy, and it broke my heart even more than it was.

"Maybe so…" Sokka replied. "Well, breakfast is almost ready. Why don't you go into the living room and read a scroll or something."

My face fell. I was somehow hoping for something a bit more exciting, but I complied either way. "Ok."

I sat down in a chair against the wall in the living room. The room was big, but it seemed to close in around me just like my soul seemed to be doing; closing in closer and closer as each second passed by. Did it ever let up just once? No, never. I had been suffocating for four months. I had been shoved to my knees in force and gritted my teeth to keep from exploding. It was, it was the only way to live without being hurt.

I wanted to try and get better; get help and move on with my life. But I feared that if I tried just once, I would be hurt even more that I had already been. If I tried and set myself up for vulnerability I would become crushed and defenseless against the ongoing attacks from my darker side. I would be forever consumed in darkness; not like it would make much of a difference though.

I had been looking in the mirror for so long that I had come to believe my soul's on the other side. Every single little piece fell and shattered. They fell to the floor in defeat against the darkness and heat. They were shards of me. Too sharp to put back together and too small to matter, but big enough to cut me into so many little pieces if I tried to touch Aang just one more time in my life. So I bleed. I bleed out all my insides and emotions, letting them flow away and from me. I sealed myself up into such a small and tight space where no one could reach me.

They told me to take a deep breath and try to draw from my hidden spirit's well of life. But I refused to drink like a stubborn child. I could not do it. I just could not. With all the might and will power I had, I just could not do it. For fear of becoming someone I had never been and could never possibly be by will or just sheer ignorance I do not know. But I know the difference between myself and my reflection. I'm not the same girl that I once had been what seemed to be so many years ago. My outward appearance is nothing, but a lie and a mockery. There is nothing on the inside of my skin. Nothing. Nothing at all.

"Katara?" I jolted out of my thoughts. I was startled also. That was the first word that was spoken from my torturous dream.

I looked up, pushing aside the fear that had welled up inside my stomach just like I had done with so many other emotions. Sokka was standing in the doorway.

"Huh?" I asked, urging Sokka to repeat his words again for me.

"Breakfast is ready; are you going to join me?" His tone began to drip with sarcasm. "Or would you rather sit in the chair doing nothing for longer?"

_Oh… I swear, one of these days that boy is going to drown in my sweet pain…_

"No. I'm good," I retorted back, glaring at him. I stood up and walked into the kitchen with Sokka.

It had only been a month since he had left, and I was even more broken than ever before. Sokka had no idea that he and I had been in love. So, in return for Sokka's ignorance, he didn't understand why I had been so crushed when Zuko left. Though I had brought it all upon myself, I didn't want to believe that I had done it.

Those days seemed to be over a hundred years. I finally realized that I needed him. I thought about him. I dreamt about him. I needed him. I saw him everywhere I weren't. I couldn't bear to say his name. I couldn't waterbend. It was so much worse than when I had lost Aang. It felt as if I had taken a huge blow to the chest, knocking the wind out of my lungs.

Though I was without him for so long, I could still feel his presence everywhere I went. My love for him never faded or wavered, if anything, it grew stronger and it yearned for him even more.

"Come ON, Katara!" Sokka shouted at me from the foyer. "Don't you want to, oh I don't know, HAVE FUN?" Sokka yelled, trying to persuade me into going to the beach with him.

I had locked myself in my room as soon as lunch was over, as I had done time and time again. Sokka had always been trying to get me to do something with him, something that could possibly get me out of the hole I'm in. I did not want to go to the beach with Sokka; I didn't want to go with anyone for that matter.

"No, Sokka!" I shouted back down to him. I heard his footsteps get closer and closer to my room. His fist pounded on my door.

_Wham!_

_Wham!_

_Wham!_

"Katara, I'm not going to drag you out, but this is your last chance; do you want to go to the beach with me?" Sokka, stated, calming down a bit. "But whatever you choose, can you please, please open the door?" he pleaded.

I sighed, heaving myself off my bed. I sulked to the door. Unlocking it reluctantly, I opened it wide for Sokka. He had a bag slung over his right shoulder and a towel wrapped up under his left arm. His hair was still in a top knot, though he only had on swim trucks.

"My God! You look horrific!" he exclaimed. I only looked down and shrugged. I didn't care about what I looked like. I really didn't. I just wallowed away my time doing nothing at all. "So," Sokka started, taking tentative steps, fearing that one small word would throw everything out of balance. "Do you want to do to the beach with me?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't think so."

"Ok." Sokka turned around, and left. He left me there, standing alone in front of the door. Oh, how I yearned for him to do something, anything! I needed help, and I realized that. I felt horrible. I felt, I felt like… a monster.

What I had done to him, what I had done to Aang, and what I had down to Sokka made me made me feel like a monster. The solemn state I had put Sokka into tore me apart. I hated what I had done to him. It wasn't fair at all. He had to pay numerous times for what I had done and what I had become. If only I could break myself free of that wretched curse- depression. But if I could've only broken Sokka free, I would've in the blink of an eye.

* * *

**A/N: I am, oh, so sorry that it has taken me so long to bring this chapter out. I have been having such a writer's block and I have been so busy! Between school, homework, chores, dinner, and basketball, I hardly have enough time to have a little free time! I haven't even done my Bible Jump program since September! Ah! Oh, well, it's getting better. Please review!**

**-Neon**


	4. Chapter 4

Another day passed by, and with that, I felt as if another part of me did too. The day dragged on and on. I did nothing, and Sokka poked and prodded at me to do something, anything, with him or alone besides being depressed. He didn't really care what it was as long as I was up and moving to a certain extent.

Nothing happened at all. I was left alone for the most part and Sokka went about his business, training for the Day of Black Sun. Soon a week had passed by without any difference from the last.

Sokka set a bottle of wine on the table. I looked up from my soup at the sound of the thud. My brother sat down, sighing in content from his new find.

"Where did you find that?" I gestured at the bottle.

Sokka proudly told me that he had found it in the cellar. Why he had been snooping around in the cellar was beyond me. He asked me if I wanted any, but I'm sure he already knew the answer before he even asked.

I answered him, telling him that I was only sixteen and that if I didn't need to be getting pregnant, then I certainly didn't need to be getting drunk. My brother gave me a look. I stared at him. It was the truth. I didn't need to be drunk and I certainly didn't need to be pregnant. One cup would probably put me under.

After dinner was over, Sokka dragged me into the living room to play a game of Renju. I protested, complaining about how I was tired.

"You're always tired, Katara," Sokka argued. Oh, that boy was being very annoying.

I shot back, "That's because I have too much to worry about!"

His face contorted into a mask of stone and yet still withheld a hint of pain and misery. His shoulders went limp and his eyes hung sluggishly, looking towards the ground. "You know, this thing, what you're going through, hasn't only affected you; it hurts me too. I really don't see how you can go around like that, acting as if you're the only one hurting. Just because you're lacrymosa, doesn't mean that I can't be too. I feel the exact same as you do. But you're being too selfish and conceited that you can't see that you're _not _the only one!"

My nose wrinkled in disgust. He thought he had me figured out. He thought that he knew the truth, the real reason why I was so upset and depressed. No, not at all.

"Sokka, you have," I paused as I gulped, trying to make myself not cry. "No idea why I am like this. You think that it's because of Aang, but you're wrong!" There it went. A tear fell from my eye, soaking my skin. "Aang is not the reason why I am so, so, so sad!"

"Really? Then what is? Pray do tell me why you are like this because I obviously have no clue!" he shrieked.

I turned my head to the left, shutting my eyes closed. I couldn't say it. I didn't feel as if I had the courage to say his name. My heart bleed and it collapsed inside my stomach, leaving me an uneasy feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

"Tell me!" Sokka shouted, taking a step forward. "Tell me why!"

My lip quivered. I fought back any more tears that threatened to spill over. My emotional strength was quickly depleting. I couldn't go on any more like this.

_Just tell him._

No, I can't. I just can't.

_Do it, please…_

"Tell me, Katara!" Sokka pursued.

Something happened. I can't explain it, but something inside me exploded. Everything that had been built up over the past few months finally escaped.

"Zuko!" I screamed.

"Why him?" Sokka shouted right back at me.

"Because I love him!"

Sokka screamed a war cry out. It was filled with rage and sorrow and pure confusion. I assumed that his heart was feeling the same thing. "What? How could you love him? He's a firebender! Not just any firebender, to be exact. He's the _Prince _of the firebenders! How could you have betrayed your country like this?"

"I did," my voice softened as salty tears dropped from my eyes to my chin then down on the floor. "No such thing, Sokka."

"Katara, how could you betray your country? How could you have fallen for that lousy, disgusting, vile-"

"Listen to yourself, Sokka! Have you learned nothing from our people?" My brother stood, staring dumbly at me. "Growing up, we were taught how to be merciful and loving and see the good in people. How could you have forgotten all that? Don't you remember what Mom used to say?"

Sokka's expression turned from shock to resentment. "His people _killed _our mother! Did _you _remember, or did that… that _firebender_ make you forget that?"

His words bite into me, sending me into a tornado of emotions. They spun around inside of me, begging for leave. I tried my best to contain myself and be as calm as possible, but it seemed to be getting harder and harder not to throw out everything that I felt, everything that I had done. Anger and sadness and rage and betrayal fought inside of me to see who would make it out first.

"Don't you dare say that! I remember all too well! And he has done nothing to make me forget! So, don't ever say that I have forgotten what the Fire Nation has done to Mom!" I shouted at my brother. I was done; I no longer held back and tried to rein in my emotions. He pushed me over the edge, and he was going to get what he had asked for.

"I told you; I told you that he was the reason for me being so depressed! I'm sorry to tell you, but it's true! It must really tweak your pride to know that your sister has fallen in love with the Prince of the Fire Nation, doesn't it?" Sokka didn't say anything. His mouth opened, but closed tight. It opened again, and the same results followed. I continued to rant on.

"I'm tired of all the secrecy! I'm not going to hide it from you anymore, but if you won't except it, that's your fault and not mine. I've tried to make you see my side, I've tried to stay in line, but you still are not happy with me! I feel buried all the time! You're always in my face! I just want this to all end! I told you why I felt so sad and depressed! Well, you got your answer! Now, how about you accept that your sister has fallen in love with a firebender?" My breath came in short, panting breaths. I stood there waiting for him to reply with some snide remark, but deep down, I hoped that he would apologize and say that I was right.

Sokka whispered, barely shaking his head, "Katara, did you want him to leave?" He kept his eyes on the ground.

I let out a huff of realization. I looked at Sokka with my watery eyes. "Only then did I think that I didn't need him," I admitted.

My brother nodded solemnly.

I realized that our argument was over and I wiped my eyes furiously. I hated to cry. It felt as if I was weak. He had defiantly rubbed off on me. "_Crying is for the weak. Mercy is for the weak_." I remembered hearing him say that time and time again before the Great Battle.

"I'm going to bed," I finally stated after a long silence. Sokka stood in the room, looking numb and like a statue. I tromped down the hallway and to my room. From inside my small refuge, I let out all the tears that had somehow managed to stay inside my eyes. I fell asleep after who knows how long. Nothing changed when I slept. I still had the same taunting nightmare that I had had for the past several months.

When morning broke through, I woke up and sauntered into the kitchen. No warming and enticing aroma greeted me and there was no Sokka. I ventured into his room, but still my brother was nowhere to be found. I searched the entire beach house without finding him. I went outside into the courtyard, but Sokka was not there either. Giving up my hunt, I decided to take a walk on the beach to cool my thoughts.

Memories of the night before flooded my mind. I shook my head, thinking that maybe I could shake them from my memory. So many things had happened in the past that I wanted to badly to erase and do over again. I wanted things to go back to the way they were; without a war, without pain or suffering. But even I couldn't have that; I still yearned for it to be how it was in the beginning, even with the war going on. I wished for things to be just the three of us. Just Aang, Sokka, and I. Back then all we had to worry about was him, and yet then it really wasn't so tormenting to think about if we lost to him. There wasn't a comet or Azula or an eclipse to worry about. Things seemed to simple back then.

_But they never are…_

Sadly, we all had to move on, for the better and for the worse. It seemed as if it all was for the worse. We all had to grow up and realize that we couldn't mess around with what we had been assigned to do. We had failed because of that. We had failed because we had let our emotions and wishes interpret our duties. It was a sad and pitiful thing to admit, but as of where we stood, there was nothing more shameful than Great Battle.

I began to realize, as I let my bare toes squish into the sand, that I had not joined Aang for selflessness. I had gone for my own purpose. I had thought that if I went with him, then I would become a master. It wasn't that I had believed in the young boy at all. I had severely doubted that he could save the world, let alone himself from Zuko. How foolish I had been. But then again, Aang did not have the power and strength to save himself from Azula a year after I had joined him.

I closed my eyes and lifted my chin up. I felt the cool sea breezed caress my face and pull my hair away from my shoulders. With my eyes closed, I felt more in touch with the nature around me. I heard the waves crash and break against the smooth and soaked sand. I heard the birds sing their songs, making the day seem as if it were a play.

Thunder rippled through the sky as gloomy clouds gathered in to mar the beautiful day, making my eyes snap open. Before I could act upon what I had just heard, a light shower was pelted down on me. Tiny water droplets hit my arms and shoulders and my red dress turned to a crimson blush, clinging to my body.

Continually I wondered what would've happened if he had stayed. What if I hadn't have lost my temper? What if…? I constantly asked myself those questions, constantly played the What If game.

I had beaten myself up time and time again over what I had done to Aang, Sokka, him, and myself. I often found myself thinking of what life would've been like if Aang hadn't have died, if the war had never started, if I had just eaten that bowl of rice. What a silly, little thing to have caused something so big, so tremendous, so traumatic. It was a strange cycle we, as humans, find ourselves caught in. Something so small and harmless comes our way and out of arrogance and displeasure, we avoid it or change it for our comforts changes everything. It somehow changes the course of time and the way things were meant to be. We had always, since the time we were born, messed things up; big and small.

As the rain fell against me, and rolled down my body, tears fell also.

I quickly swiped them away, mocking myself for it. I found myself saying that crying is for the weak. He had rubbed off on me more than I had initially realized. But as another salty, traitorous tear fell, I slowly reached up to remove it and realized that there was no shame in crying for those who had passed on. There was no one to look upon me with disgust and after all those months of mourning and depression, I had not truly cried without feeling empty and alone. I felt, then, empathy and a sudden release.

I felt as if I had let go and moved on, that I had truly come to terms with Aang's death and accepted it. It felt good and wonderful. His presence had lingered around me and it hadn't left me alone for so long. I never thought that it could be that I let him go. I felt free from everything that he had left behind, all his friends, family, his entire life.

On that day, standing in the middle of the beach in enemies' territory with the rain pouring down on my body, I vowed to not let Aang's death to have been in vain. I vowed to never let his name fall into oblivion. He had not died so that we would suffer and die as well. He died to save us.

* * *

I peeked around the column, peering into the courtyard. Sokka stood in a warrior's stance, gripping his sword. A look of determination crossed his face, saying that he would fight to the death.

I wondered if I would ever feel that again. I wondered if I would ever feel so strongly about something that I would be ready to die. I didn't at the moment, but _did _feel ready to give up.

Even though I had put myself into the fight of my life on numerous occasions, I hadn't been ready to die at all. I had wanted so much to life freely and without the fear. It seemed as if it were so long ago that I was speaking my mind on days where everyone had lost hope. My voice had always been heard, but now I felt as if it had been swallowed up by the thing I had sworn to destroy.

My mind had told me many times that I was a traitor for becoming everything I had been against, but in my heart, I didn't feel anything. I felt no sense of betrayal. I never felt as if I had turned into a monster. I didn't feel anything of the sorts. Maybe I had truly gone crazy and delusional. But by that point, I really didn't care so much as to make a difference and change what had happened. It wasn't like I could.

A small smile crept onto my face. I felt contentment and sorrow and the sight before my eyes. I was happy that Sokka was so passionate and that after Aang had died, he hadn't lost his spark or drive. But it was also a depressing sight to see him so determined, so sullen, so… ready to die… That- in it of itself- scared me.

My foolish, clumsy, sexist brother was most likely the only family had. And when the cursed would finally cease, he may be the only family I had left. It was frightening to think that I could potentially lose all my family.

I turned around and ambled into the kitchen. Lunch was creeping around the corner before I knew it. Sokka would be gripping about how hungry he was, but never do anything about it soon enough. I would have to step up yet again.

I chuckled to myself upon thinking of that. Seemed to be like old times again. But it never would be exactly like the old days. Time would never go back and make it seem as if it were déjà vu. It would always have to keep moving just as water does.

As a waterbender, I assumed that I should've understood that concept perfectly. I never once did in my entire life. I had always wanted to go back and do things differently, but I could never. I could never fully comprehend it either. What a silly thing to not understand…

I got to work in the kitchen, busily cooking bread and making soup. On the stove broth simmered as I chopped up potatoes. The enticing aromas greeted my nose, and tempted me to eat right then and there.

A hair fell out of my ponytail as I slaved away over the hot stove. "A woman's place" as Sokka had stated. I used my wrist to push it back behind my ear. It fell into my eyesight once again. With a pout on my face, I tried again; no result unlike before.

Frustrated, I slammed the ladle I was holding in my other hand, and pulled my hair out of the ponytail. I hung my head and began shaking my head, banging it against thin air. My eyes squeezed shut as the tips of my brown locks poked at the edges of my eyelids.

With a snap of my neck, I gracefully pulled my strewn hair back into its rightful place bound with a piece of ribbon. Content with my hair, I resumed my work, finishing lunch up.

* * *

**A/N: Well, there you have it! Chapter four of Silence Before the Storm! I really hoped you liked it. I worked really hard on making it perfect. I've already sketched out the ending for it also! And the ending of Fate's Sense of Humor! The endings of both of them will shock and surprise you! I cannot wait til I finish Silence Before the Storm and Fate's Sense of Humor, just so I can post the endings!**

**I hoped you liked it, and I am terribly sorry that it took me an incredible amount of time to get it out, but my computers been locked for like EVER! Sof if you get angry with someone, get angry with my parents; it's their fault that it's almost always locked. Oh, well. What can you do? **

**Please review! Thanks!  
-Neon**


	5. Chapter 5

I pulled out a tray of hot rolls from the oven. The arousing smell lingered around my nose, calling me to try the rolls. My stomach rumbled at the scent. I had become quite hungry during the cooking time.

**I let out a huff as I place the tray on top of the oven, thinking back on my last action. Way back on the beach in what seemed to be so many days ago. For a moment there- standing in the middle of the kitchen- it seemed to be a rash decision. It seemed that I had just done that out of purely wanting to find that release I had been yearning for. But in my secret heart, I knew that it was a rash decision.**

Just because I had let go of Aang didn't necessarily mean that I still wasn't depressed. I had just let a part of the cause go. _He_ still had the rest of me. And I couldn't let go of him or forgive. I just couldn't forget what had happened all those months ago.

It had been at least three months and I was nowhere near healing or reconciliation. I didn't want to anyways. It was a dark and unwise thing to do, but I wanted to hold onto the darkness. I wanted to hold onto it with all my strength. It gave me something to feel, something to give me a reason to fight for something else. Though I never did anything for that something to fight for. It- in all the "good" I had found in it- made me do things I hated and be something I was not.

It was an extremely frightening thing, but I also found it exhilarating. It terrified me that I found it enticing and quite a rush. It was one of those painful pleasures. It hurts, but you love it too much to stop. I didn't know if I could stop being so depressed. I didn't know if I could be what was considered normal ever again. Perhaps I would be scarred forever.

What if I would never be able to let it go? I was afraid. I had been when it came to Aang, and I still was able to let him go after a while, but he... He's a different story.

After all that he had done to us, I didn't know how I had been able to accept him back in Ba Sing She. But I did. It was a strange act of kindness, and maybe it came from exasperation of him just chasing us around. And after we had all thought we were rid of him, he had shown up so unexpected. I wondered if I had allowed him to join because I thought that he joined then maybe, just maybe, he would stop hunting us down like wild animals. But I was wrong…

I shook all the thoughts of depression and emotions that I wished would never come out into the open.

"Sokka!" I shouted at my brother, who was still ferociously training. I stood on the edge of the courtyard, not daring to get closer than a few yards away from him when he was angry with me from the night before and welding a sword. "Lunch is read!" I called out once I had his attention.

Sokka had not come to me, complaining about how hungry he was. And in my shock and worry that something might've happened to him, I had run around the beach house to see where he could've gone. I had searched the house and finally found him training the courtyard as if he was not good enough already.

He simply nodded and walked away.

I let out a breath of air I had not realized I had been holding in. I had hoped that there would be more of a response considering what had happened last night. But… I guess I couldn't expect much after less than twelve hours. It was a bit cruel and insensitive of me to think that he would be all happy and ok after a night's sleep.

Of course he wouldn't be. I wasn't alright with Aang's death after a night. And Sokka had been patient and understanding for the most part. There was times where he would grip and nag at me for being so unwilling to let go of him, but I expected that much.

With the argument that had ensued last night, I didn't think that I would be able to tell him the good news. I didn't expect him to allow me to talk or let me be in his presence. As soon as I would walk into a room, he would probably gather up all his things and walk out without giving me a second glance.

And that's exactly what happened as the days dragged on. I would awake in the morning to find my brother nowhere to be found, but then find him as soon as lunch was ready in the courtyard practicing his fighting skills. Then after lunch, he would get up and walk away until dusk fell and dinner was ready. He didn't talk to me much more than a simple grunt or head nod or shake.

It was taking its toll on me as each day passed and no words were exchanged at all. I would try to make a conversation, but Sokka would merely shrug or ignore me completely.

At night, when I was sure that he had fallen asleep- I couldn't bear to let him hear me cry any longer- I would cry. I would cry for our broken relationship that I had so carelessly trampled over. I would cry for all the pain I had inflicted upon him, practically my only family left. There would sometimes be too much to cry over and I would simply pant as I laid on my bed, trying to keep my tears from spilling over because I knew that if I let them, they would never stop.

Such a weird turn of events my life had become. He used to say that his uncle would say that life has as many twists and turns of a seven tailed cat. How strangely true that had proven to be true. I had never thought that I would accompany the Avatar on his quest to defeat the Fire Lord. I had never thought that I would master water. I had never thought that I would fight for my life as well as the Avatar's, and witness his death. I had never thought that I would be hiding from the Fire Nation right in their backyard. I had never thought that I would lo- …That I would love the Fire Nation Prince…

I shook my head at that thought.

…_Love the Fire Nation Prince…_

How could it be that after all he had done to us, to Sokka, to Aang, and to me, I was able to forgive and learn to love him? How could it be that after I had driven him away and taught myself that he was our enemy all along, I still love him? How?

_No! I don't love him! I can't possibly! He betrayed me! Betrayed all of us! I don't love him._

Don't deny it, Katara. I could hear Gran Gran advice. It's not wrong that you do love him.

_But he hurt us! All of us! Me… _

He did that before Aang died, and you still accepted him. It's no different.

_But-_

And how do you know that _you_ weren't wrong, and he was telling you the truth? How do you know that he didn't leave because he thought it best to so that _you _could learn to heal and accept Aang's death with a constant reminder of who killed him in the first place? He _is _Azula's brother after all. It's not like they look nothing alike.

I sighed, knowing I was wrong. About everything. I could've been wrong about him all that time! But… even if I was right about him, I wasn't able to just sit around the beach house and not know the truth about it; I had to go and figure it out.

Whether Sokka was willing to help me over come my depression or not, that wasn't going to hold me back. I wasn't about to let him get in my way from finding out if I was wrong. It just wasn't going to happen.

I suddenly had a strong sense of power and strength and adrenaline rush through my lifeblood. I felt strong and almost reborn. It sounded silly, even to myself, but that was how I felt. I had a new determination build up inside of me, and I was not about to let it go. I was going to find him at whatever the cost may be, know the truth once and for all.

I rushed to my room, not caring how much noise I made. For I knew that Sokka would not bother to check on me or see what I was doing. I slammed the door behind me once inside my sanctuary. I leaped over to my chest standing alone against the bare wall. I flung it open, and pulled out my well- used backpack. I set it on my bed.

I knew that I couldn't bring much other than the necessities. I could only bring an extra change of clothing and the rest of what little room my pack offered was to be used for food.

Once I had packed my clothing, I sneaked into the kitchen. Though I was almost positive Sokka was outside in the courtyard, I had caught him on more than one occasion in the kitchen when I thought he was in the courtyard training. He was not to know of my planning. Even though I would not let him keep in the beach house, I didn't want him yelling at me and such. The less commotion the better.

I thought about what I mess the house probably would be in once I returned with- hopefully- him beside. I groaned, knowing that it would be an utter pigsty. Sokka would do nothing, but train. I hoped that he would have enough sense to feed himself every once in awhile. That would be all I asked for when it came to him. I only wanted him to be able to take care of himself, and not chase after me once he realized that I was gone. That would be the last thing I would need when I would be off hunting the Fire Nation Prince or caught up in whatever troubles followed after I had started my journey- which I knew there would be.

I decided on that day that I wouldn't give up or give in. He meant too much to simply forget over a span of a few months. He was so much more than just a guy I liked. He was… he seemed to be the one. The way I felt about him was like no love I had ever felt. It felt like no love ever known.

I couldn't find a reason why not to go and find him. …Except for Sokka. He was a reason why not to go. A big reason for that matter. He was the only family I had as of that moment. It felt almost wrong and insensitive for me to just pick up and leave without saying anything to him at all. Not that he'd listen or anything. But… I felt some sort of duty and responsibility to tell him in some sort of way. It just wouldn't be right to not tell him in one way or another.

_Oh, Sokka… I wish things had been better between us. I wish we had left off on a better foot. Things would've been so much easier on us both._ I thought as I passed down the hallway to his room.

I knew writing a simple little letter would be too explicit and almost snotty sounding. I'm sure if I wrote a letter to him explaining my departure in search for him, he would tear it up, thinking of me as more of a traitor than he already thought of me. He would view me as someone who valued the one who had done so many horrible things to them more than her own brother. I would never do such a thing, but in Sokka's state of anger and bitterness, he would think that exact thing.

I peeked into his room and down the hallway, making sure I was alone. I tightened my fists as I slipped into my brother's room. I tiptoed through the maze of dirty clothing and other things adorning the floor.

I stopped, making sure I was making the right decision. Everything, even the world, depended upon me making the right choice. Though I knew not why everything, including the world, depended on me making the right choice, but I knew that whatever I chose would result in a certain outcome. It was a lot of pressure. In one decision, but if I _did _decide to go, I could also be disrupting the delicate balance between good and evil. If I go, then who's to say that by my one action, I could be endangering the lives of so many more people?

I shook these thoughts from my head, telling myself that it was the right choice. It wasn't selfish or inconsiderate or rude or downright wrong of me to do it. Or was it…?

Ugh! Why couldn't I just make up my mind and stick with my one side? Why couldn't I just say it was right without any of the doubting thoughts prowling around in my mind? Why can't things be the way I want and be right for once?

_Life never asked what you wanted. It never does. It always has its own way of twisting what we want. _I heard Gran Gran tell me. She always knew just what to say without making it hard to understand what she meant. _Life is never gray either. It can never find a middle ground because of our human and sinful ways. It is either black or white, right or wrong. Which is it for you?_

I sighed. I didn't know the more I thought, the more I realized my actions had been more impulsive and rather dumb. But… As I stood in Sokka's room, ready to give him my most treasured possession, I knew that I had to do it. I had to go and find him no matter how rash and stupid and arrogant it may be. It was just how it had to be.

I proceeded with my plan, weaving my way through my brother's mess that he seemed to always have. I made my way to his nightstand. I pulled my right hand up. I could faintly see the royal blue and cerulean between my fingers.

I gave out a gasp, knowing that I didn't want to let it go, but I had to. I opened my hand and set my mother's necklace on his nightstand as I squeezed my eyes shut. I ran out of his room without giving a second look.

There was no turning back at that point. I couldn't very well walk back in and take it back. What had been done was done. I couldn't undo it. I had made a commitment to myself, a pact. I promised that I would see my journey through to the end. I would find him, find the truth, and if I was wrong, I would tell him that. I would tell him how sorry I was for that night. That was what I decided. That was my plan. I wasn't going to back out for anything in the world. I just wasn't.

So I set out; I set out on my own, not knowing what exactly I would face or how hard it would be. I didn't know where to go or how to go about my journey. All I knew was that I had set out to find him, and that was good enough for me. I left behind the last of my family for the Fire Nation Prince. It seemed to be so crazy.

As I walked out the door, heaving a heavy backpack onto my shoulders, I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

In all my life, I had never felt such an impulse, such a need, such a longing for any one person. It was strange and impeccable and almost magical. I needed him, more than I had initially realized.

Legends say that humans were first created with two head, four arms, and four legs. But they were separated by the evil spirit Bingwen in his jealousy of humans having their soul mate with them wherever they go, for Bingwen was cursed and could never find someone to love him. Bingwen separated humans into only one head, two arms, and two legs and casted each half away from each other, in hopes that they would never meet.

It was like he was my other half. It was almost destined even through all our struggles and complications and fights. I couldn't live without him.

It was almost an impossible task. I needed him. He was my other half, my heart, my sky, my whole world. There was no me without him. As crazy and dependent as it sounded, it was true. I had fallen completely and irrevocably in love with him. I couldn't stay away from him. As much and as hard as I tried to live without him, I had found it got harder as each day went by. There was no way that I could live the rest of my days without him beside me.

I couldn't spend a day without him haunting my thoughts. He was everywhere to me. I couldn't keep him off my mind at all. I had thought I heard his voice one time… But I was sure it was only my imagination. I didn't know if I really did imagine it or if I really heard him.

_What am I thinking? Oh course it was simply my imagination! I didn't really hear him speak. I couldn't have…_

**A/N: Hey! I am sooooo sorry that it took sooooo freakin long to get this chapter updated! Like 3 or 4 months! I am dreadfully sorry! I spent a lot of time writing bits a pieces of this chapter on my iPod and never had time to get it transfered to my desktop until tonight! I'm soooo excited! But before I could upload it- let alone save it onto the computer- I had to go through all of my sister's and I's documents because we had too many saved! Half of her's were blank... Nice, Olivia, nice... **

**Anywho! This chapter is mainly a filler because i needed more time to get my plot line straightened out and such. I hope that the next chapter will be out by the beginning of February, but I sincerely doubt that that will happen. **

**The legend about Bingwen is totally made up, except that the part about humans being created with two heads, and such is acutally a Greek legend, but I couldn't remember the rest of the legend besides humans being created with double limbs, so I made it up!**

**Please review!**

**-Neon**


	6. Chapter 6

As I walked farther into town, I began to realize that I had no idea where I was to go. I didn't think he would be anywhere else but the Fire Nation, but I didn't think he would hide in plain sight. He was wanted in just about every single nation. He wasn't so dumb as to live life out in the open, was he? I honestly didn't know where he was.

When he left, he left without a trace. He didn't give any whereabouts as to where he was going. And, I mean, why would he? I had basically screamed at him that I wanted him to die. I had said so many cruel and mean things to him. Why would he ever want to return to me? Why would he want to see me again? I had most likely torn out his heart, rejected him.

But strangely enough, even if I did reject him in that sort of manner, he didn't say anything rude or insensitive. He had been rather gentle and understand- ing. It was surprising. For some reason, I had assumed that he would've come back with some sort of retort that it hadn't been as easy as it had been for him when I told him to leave.

_I'm sorry… I love you…_

His last few words rang out clearly in my head. It was as if I was there again. I could perfectly pick out and retell everything that had happened. I could tell someone about everything that had happened that night. But I didn't want to. I didn't want to tell anyone of our relationship or argument. Only Sokka knew of our love, but he didn't even know the whole story. I had simply told him that Zuko left. I didn't give any specific details; I told him that he didn't want to stay with us anymore.

And I guess in reality, he didn't. If he really did want to live with us, then he would've still been there. He would've stood his ground, and fought back with me until his point was proven and he was proven innocent. Wouldn't he? I'm sure he would've.

I looked around; everyone was running around, shouting their wares, looking for something to buy. Everyone was up to something. The whole town was full of hustle and bustle. It felt a bit refreshing to know that there was still some normality left in the world. The little town we resided in for the time being was still rushing to finish the day off.

Venders all around were shouting out what they had to offer. Mothers were trying to rein in their children. Soldiers were stocking around, trying to maintain the peace. Yells were thrown at you from every direction. It was almost chaotic, but in a way, it was comforting.

No matter how to world seemed to be going down the drain, the market was always something that stayed the same. No matter where you went, the market always had the same children running around and playing, the same venders selling the same products, the same thieves ducking the guards and scrapping for food. Nothing changed in the market. I could always find some sort of solace from the market even if at times it gave me a headache.

As I walked through the little town, I couldn't help but look around and have my eyes fall upon young couples holding hands or kissing or simply talking and, well, looking in love. I worried that I would never feel that with him again. I worried that we would never look upon each other the same way we had. I worried that we would die before we would forgive each other, before we would marry, before we would have children, before we would grow old together.

I wanted to do all those things with him. As plain and boring and ordinary as that sounded, a normal life would be a perfect life compared to how "adventur- ous" and "fun" our lives were now. It was funny how just a year ago I had been wallowing back at the South Pole, hoping that something- anything! - would happen to make my life more interesting. Little did I know that I would soon be getting what I had hoped for. And even though it was exactly what I had hoped for and exactly what I imagined, it wasn't what I had expected.

Sure, I had met the Avatar and taught him waterbending and befriended him and traveled the world. And I finally master waterbending! And I became famous and able to best almost any enemy I faced! And I fell in love with the perfect man! And I got to fight exhilarating battles! And… That was it. That was all there was to it. That was all the good. No one ever tells you about the downside of the story about the heroes and heroines. No one ever tells you the reality of what war and blood and malice does to you. No one can prepare you for the cruelty of war. Even after years of countless training, no one can prepare you for all the blood and pain and evil war brings out. No one can.

The tragedy of war is that it uses man's best to do man's worst. We use our talents to bring evil and hatred into the world instead of doing what we should do. If we have the power it is our right, it is our duty to abolish anything that threatens to eliminate the good in the world. But sadly, no one talks like that anymore. No one believes that there is hope for the world to survive the war and its cruel aftermath.

But even after all the bloodshed and malevolence and families turning their backs on one another, I haven't totally lost my hope. Even in all the darkness that had consumed my soul, there was still a flicker of hope bringing light to even the darkest of places. In my heart, I know that even after the death of Aang and even after the world is near total conquest, we can still pull through and show Fire Lord Ozai that he can't knock us down.

It was strange how much I had grown since I had left the South Pole. I had hoped and believed that the Avatar would return and restore balance to the nations, but I never dreamed- even in my wildest dreams- that I would be part of it. If someone had told me that I would learn waterbending and soon teach the _Avatar_ my skills, I would have thought of them as crazy. In fact, it was a bit crazy. And I never expected that I would witness his death. I never expected that I would fight for my life as well as thousands of other lives.

I guess you could see me as someone weak. It didn't bother me. I knew deep down that I was weak for falling into depression, though I would never admit it aloud. It was something that could've been prevented, but it wasn't.

Why?

Why did I fall? Why did I fall, oh so, hard? Why didn't anyone help me? Why did he leave, only to have it worsen? Why didn't Sokka try to talk to me? Why was I still like that? Why wouldn't these tormenting thoughts cease?

I chewed on my lip, something I had made a habit of. My eyes squeezed shut, trying to shut out the world around me, trying to stop the brimming tears.

I had to stop this silly childlike behavior! If I ever had a chance of finding him again, I would have to pull myself together. I would have to put on a happy face- if I must- and finds some clues as to where he might be. But where?

_Hm… If I was a banished Fire Nation prince, where would I go? I'm sure he would probably be helping out with the war effort. _

"No doubt probably already enlisted in some rebellion..." I muttered to myself. I suddenly gasped; that was it!

After we had first got acquainted with the town, we had begun to hear rumors slip from Fire Nation soldiers' mouths about some firebending _and _earth- bending army somewhere out in the Joyonghan Eondeog forest, a forest said to be haunted. At first we had dismissed it as simply a rumor started from someone against the Fire Nation, but soon raids had started happening in the middle of the night. The homes of Fire Nation soldiers and military men had been attacked and burnt down.

After each attack and the warriors had fled, we had found the words "Joyonghan Eondeog" written in the dust and carved into trees. The Fire Lord, upon hearing of these attacks and this "army", had sent for a platoon of soldiers to search the forest in hopes of capturing those responsible for the attacks. None came back alive to tell of their findings.

As my heart leapt with joy, I raced to the nearest vendor. I hoped that the fish seller would know where the Joyonghan Eondeog forest was. I honestly, did not know where to even start.

I neared the stand, and the scent of dead fish met me. I tried my best to not recoil in disgust, but it was almost unfeasible. I put on my best smile, hoping to get my answers without having to use force and that my looks would be enough.

The fish monger eyed me warily, sizing me up. He expected me to buy a fish because he held up a salmon and told me of its worth. He set it back down when I shook my head.

"Could you possibly tell me where the Joyonghan Eondeog forest is?" I asked, trying to be as sweet as possible.

He eyed me once more, finding my question to be a bit out of the ordinary. "An' what's uh liddle girlie like ya wan'in' ta know where thar Joyon'han Eon'eog forest?"

"Well…" Uh- oh. I hadn't expected him to question me. I should've known better than to simply assume that he was going to willingly tell me where it was. After all, no one entered the forest and returned to tell the tale, and it wasn't every day that a girl of seventeen was asking where she could find it. "My younger brothers were out playing," I changed my tone a bit, trying to sound exasperated, "and my mother told me to go and find them because they had left such an awful mess of the kitchen, so I did, but when I went out to their usual spot where they play, they weren't there. I went looking some more and after an hour or so of nothing, I began to panic and ask the neighbors and people out walking around if they had seen two boys running around. I finally found a woman who said she saw two boys by the edge of the Joyonghan Eondeog forest. And-" I pretended to choke up. "And I don't know where it is! And if I don't find them by nightfall then-"

The man cut me off. "Oh kay, oh kay. If ya go down thar road-" he jammed a thumb to the road on the left, "it'll take ya to Joyon'han Eon'eog forest."

I bowed low, showing my gratitude. "Thank you, sir."

I scampered down the road the fish monger had shown me, flying away as fast as I could. I ran and ran and ran; I ran so far and long. I didn't dare stop to take a breath and rest even for a second even with my heavy pack slamming against my back with every stride I took. I was so close to finding him that I wasn't about to stop anytime soon.

I finally reached the end of the road. It stopped short, being cut off by thickets and undergrowth of bushes and trees. A green barrier stood tall and undisturbed in front of me. That was all that stood between me and him- a giant green, lush wall. The shadows of the trees gave off a ghostly effect.

I took a deep breath. It was time to show my courage. To tell the truth, I scared to walk through the forest. I mean, I had been scared before, but it was never like this. The fear that I had felt was nothing more than afraid for the world. I had only scared because if we lost there would be no hope left. I guess I have no need for that kind of fear anymore because we already lost.

I took a tentative step into the forest, squeezing my eyes shut. This was it; there was no turning back.

For some reason I don't know, I thought that as soon as I stepped foot into the forest some sort of demon would expose itself to me and then devour my soul. With all the rumors that had spread around about the forest, it was actually quite normal to think that, I later found out.

When nothing happened, I opened my eyes. There nothing out of the ordin- ary. Like any other forest, there was an over abundance of trees and bushes and grass. It was quiet, extremely quiet. There weren't any birds singing or the soft rustle of leaves. Nothing. It was, as a matter of fact, silent. It left an eerie feeling all throughout my flesh and bones.

The wind blew suddenly, shaking the leaves and making my clothes and hair billow around my body. I subconsciously rubbed my upper arms as a shiver erupted from my core. The wind seemed to pierce through my body and into my soul. It gave me an uneasy feeling.

Everything, it seemed, about the forest gave off a bad aura. I guess I was a bit paranoid, but still… I just had this bad feeling all inside of me. Something deep down, somewhere in my secret heart, I knew that something was going to happen. Little did I know how right I was.

The forest gave off this really bad aura, not that I could see auras or anything like that. I just had this gut feeling and this uneasy sense about the place. In truth, it really _did_ seem haunted! It made me nervous for some reason, like when Aang and I had been on that Fire Navy ship in the South Pole. There was just this unexplainable feeling of discomfort and inquietude that I felt in the pit of my stomach.

I did my best to swallow my fear and move forward. I began to walk further and further into the forest. I didn't know how long I was walking for every tree I passed looked like the tree I had passed just awhile ago. It became tiresome all too quickly, and the pack upon my back took no help in the matter of making my walk any easier.

I had once been accustomed to walking great lengths back when Aang was alive. We would sometimes have to walk all day and practically all night without any stopping when we weren't able to fly. After Sokka, he, and I began to live in the Fire Nation, I had grown to go to bed at a decent time every night and the farthest place I had ever traveled to was to the market. My feet had become so spoiled.

As night descended upon me, I began to grow weary and tired, in need of sleep. I set my pack down and gathered some firewood. After I started a nice fire, I unrolled my sleeping mat and sat down with a heavy sigh.

My stomach began to rumble as I rummaged through my pack to find some jerky or an apple to eat. I groaned when after awhile I wasn't able to find food. With an agitated grunt, I picked up my pack and roughly dumped its contents on the ground. I scanned through the pile, searching for my, oh so, treasured food.

"Ah!" I cried as I laid eyes on nice red apple. I stuffed the rest of my belongings in my backpack and hungrily ate my apple.

After I ate my dinner, I laid down my side and watched the fire dance around, gazing in the flames. I watched as the flames licked at one another and the acrid smoke rise up to the night sky. I watched in longing for him to be beside me. I ached for him more than ever before. I wanted him to be laying next to be, sharing this moment with me.

A tear slide down my cheek and I soon found myself crying myself to sleep once again.

_There he is, standing right in front of me. I want to rush towards him and embrace him. Oh, how I waited to do that for so long! How long I hoped that he would return to me someday. And now, he has returned! As if he never left. _

_His dark black hair is still long and shaggy, but that's how I like it. His honey- glazed eyes are stead fast as usual. His arms are more defined than before, and his scar is still sadly there. He stands with some pose that signifies that he is on a mission and that he is not to be bothered with. His stance gives off comfort that can't be given off by just anyone. No, it can only come from him. The thing is he isn't looking at me._

_Suddenly, the clouds carpet the sky with a thick dark haze. Trees begin to shroud all around us. My small world becomes dark and scary. Wolves start to howl. The wind picks up, dragging my hair and clothes along with it. I become quite frightened in such small amount of time._

"_Zuko," I whimper. "I'm scared."_

_He turns his head to me. His eyes blow up in a fire of evil and anger that make me so scared that I fear for my life. I begin to quiver from the chilly aura and wind. The comfort that was here before is gone as fast as my fear set in. _

"_You should be," his velvety voice pouts out. My eyes widen and my breathing quickens. My chest heaves in and out. The worst that I can ever imagine is coming to mind and hitting me like a train. The reality is setting in. _

_The wind picks up even more. It feels as if it is over a hundred miles per hour. My hair feels like it will just rip from my scalp. My clothes literally tear from my body, leaving me bare. I shiver in the cold and from my fear. I clutch my goosebump covered skin, in hopes of pushing back my fear and keeping what little warmth I have left inside my body. _

_Zuko stalks forward. His eyes are set upon me, but not what is on the inside, but what is on the outside. He is gazing upon my feminine features. It is something that shook me from the inside out. Starting in my core, my heart, and out into the open, it racks my brain and recoils my insides. This "Zuko" is not really him. Or it is and the Zuko I know and love and trust with all my heart is just a lie. It can't be, can it? _

_A tear snakes down my cheek. I am so cold that what little heat the tear gives off feels like it is burning my skin. The worst fear I can ever have, suddenly rushes through me. I don't feel normal. The usual adrenaline that would've been coursing through my veins is gone. It never was here- just the raw emotion of terror. The trepidation runs deep down- deep into my very soul. _

_Zuko has finally reached me. His hand rests on my shoulder, sending a shiver arching through my body. I close my eyes in sheer terror. I don't want to see what will soon come to pass. The pain of what is happening hurts so much more than any physical pain I can ever endure. _

_Zuko's hand runs down my arm and down onto my waist. His touch leaves a trail of heated goosebumps all along my arm. His other hand reaches out to take hold of my left side of my neck. His hand- his right hand actually- pushes its way up to my lower back, almost touching my bottom. _

_Zuko, then, envelopes me in a kiss. It is not pleasant like all our other kisses were like. His lips are hot, yes, but they are hard also. His tender love has all but vanished. All that remains is horrid lust. _

_Zuko pulls away from me. I open my eyes just once more… I stare up into his eyes. Then back down to the ground. My lip quivers as I open my mouth to utter my last few words. _

"_I still love you," I murmur._

I awoke with a jolt, snapping into an upright position. My mind scrambled about, trying to get a fix on where I was. I raised my right hand and rested it on my head. My fingers curled in my confusion and, well, fear, pulling my hair into my grasp. My chest heaved in and out, my heartbeat, maddening. My whole body shook with fear.

With wide, scared eyes, I scanned my surroundings, trying to figure out where I am and if anything was out like, namely him. Bit by bit, I finally got a grasp on where I was.

_The forest! I'm still in the forest… Safe…_

Although I could not necessarily say that I was "safe", I only needed to believe that I was to get through the night. After that horrible nightmare, I needed all the assurance that I was indeed safe whether it was true or not.

I tried to calm my heartbeat and my imagination. I lay back down on my mat and tried to drift off to sleep, no matter how difficult the idea seemed to be. I rolled onto my side and curled up into a ball. My shoulders shook immensely as I began to cry.

I hadn't thought that any one person could cry as much as I did that night. Tears flowed freely, never ending. It seemed that I was swimming in a river of tears.

For the first time in my life, I had cried myself to sleep twice in one night.

* * *

**A/N: Hey! I'm sorry (what's new?) that it took sooooo freakin long to upload this, but I just couldn't stop writing! I'm serious! I've been writing every single stinkin day, adding to SBS. Everytime I thought that it was good, I ended up adding more and more to it! I hope that it's satisfactory! I really do! I know that it's going just a bit slower than my other version, but fear not! Jang and Tumcria and Teikei and Zatica and Shang are coming in the next chapter! EEEEE! I can't wait! haha! **

**Thank you and please review!**

**-Neon**


	7. Chapter 7

I awoke stiff. Over the months of living in the beach house with a nice bed and reasonable bedtime, I had become accustomed to the nice living. Too accustomed it seemed.

I sat up, grumbling a little too much for my liking. If I wasn't careful, I'd end up sounding like Sokka. I rubbed my eyes, wiping away all the fuzz that had accumulated over the night. I stretched out my arms and yawned. I stood up and began to roll up my mat. I didn't bother to eat breakfast. I wasn't hungry and I didn't know how long I would be traveling until I stopped at a town. I wanted to use the least I could.

I slung my backpack over my shoulder, instantly regretting how I had packed so heavily. _I should've known better that to have packed so much! _I began to march through the forest. It began to be tiresome all too quickly. One foot in from of the other. In front of the other. In front of the other. In front of the other. I walked and walked and walked without ceasing.

As the day wore on and sweat poured down my forehead, I began to feel as if I was being followed. As I walked further and further into the forest. I saw signs that someone had been there just the other night, two at most. I occasionally heard a twig snap or I would see birds fly away from behind me. The faint scent of ash and smoke lingered in the air, leaving me with the most unpleasant knot in the pit of my stomach.

I squatted down, looking closely at a bush. Some of the leave had been burnt by the looks of it. The tips were blank and ashy and fell off just by a single touch. It looked as if a firebender had recently passed through the forest, and that's what frightened me. I didn't want a fight, it would blow my cover.

I reached out and plucked a leaf off and sniffed it. It reeked of smoke.

I scanned the rest of the area, squatting low at the ground, trying to catch anymore clues. Unfortunately, I found nothing. Nothing at all.

Exasperated by my futile search, I decided it was time to rest for lunch. My stomach had been rumbling since I began walking this morning. Skipping breakfast was not one of my best moves.

I pried my pack off my shoulders and slammed it onto the ground. I opened the lid and started to rummage through its contents. I bite my lip as I started to think of the nice, tasty apple somewhere at the bottom of the backpack. My fingers came in contact with a waxy surface and I pulled it out as quickly as I could, but my hand knocked out some of my belongings.

My other food and some papyrus paper and a lead pencil. I had brought them with since I liked to write about my experiences and feelings, but I didn't want to bring a brush and ink. Sokka had introduced a "pencil" to him and I a while ago when he came back from the market. He said it was used by the Egyptians and Romans. He said it was much better than using a brush and ink. We were all skeptical and I stuck to using a brush, but it was lighter and easier to travel with without the risk of dying all of my belongings if the ink leaked, so I decided to give using the pencil a shot.

I scrambled to pick up my things when I heard what sounded like someone dropping out of a tree and landing right behind me. My heart pounded inside my chest and in my ears. I felt my stomach leap all the way up into my mouth then drop back down. I slowly stood up straight and turned around.

My eyes widened as I saw right before me a man. A Fire Nation man that appeared to be around my age or older stood in front of me in the most desolate forest in the world. He was, well, handsome, I had to admit. He looked maybe a few years older than me, probably nineteen or twenty years of age. He was tall and was strong looking. He was definitely comparable to him. He had black hair that was up in a tight topknot. From what I could tell being so far away from him, he also had golden eyes.

I imagined his hair let down from his topknot and hanging down around his eyes. I imagined a scar on his left eye. He would've closely resembled him if so considering they both had an incredibly pale complexion, but it wouldn't have been the same. Who knew what his personality was? In fact, for all I knew, he was some sort of serial killer hiding out in the forest from the soldiers.

His eyes were cold and unrelenting though, worn down by years of fighting. They gazed upon me with a ghastly pierce. They were as passion-filled as his were, but they held a different emotion. They were full of strife, true, but they also held what seemed to be unknown, horrifying stories of years and years of fighting in a rigorous, bloody war.

He wasn't wearing a Fire Nation army uniform. He _did_, however, seem to be wearing a uniform of some sort. I hadn't been informed on the styles of uniforms and which one stood for which army. His uniform was decorated to an extent and it was gray. There was no nation anywhere with its national color as gray.

_Maybe he's from a multi- bender army… _I silently contemplated with myself.

I stared wearily and suspiciously at him. I eyed him, trying to catch anything that would five away where his place stood; friend or foe. He seemed to be doing the same thing, watching me.

We stood apart for a few more minutes before he finally spoke.

"What are you doing?" he asked. His voice came out velvety and soft. He didn't have the voice of someone who had been worn down by years of fighting. His eyes still were cold, but seemed to soften up just a little.

"Putting my things away," I said smoothly. I didn't want to trip over my words and look like a fool, but my rapidly beating heart seemed to want the exact opposite. From the breathing exercises he had shown me one day that he used to help calm his heart rate before a battle, I calmed my own heart down enough to stay tranquil and keep my head clear so that I could focus on the matter at hand.

"Why?" he pursued.

_Well, he's blunt. Persist too. _I acknowledged.

"Because they fell." I left my answer blunt and bland. I didn't want them to mislead him into thinking that I was an enemy, even if I truly was an enemy.

"Hm," he grunted his understanding. The man started to walk closer to me. He walked casually, giving off a leisurely effect.

My eyes followed his every move. From the way he moved his left foot then his right to the sway of his hips as he strutted forward towards me, I eyed him more and more intently, trying to draw any sort of information from his actions. I wanted to know who he was and what he was doing here with me. I assumed he was doing the exact same.

He was soon only a meter away from me. He began to pace around, looking me up and down. I started to turn around as he did, but I soon stopped.

He stopped circling me and stood in front of me. "You look… familiar." _Familiar? _"Have we met before?"

I shook my head. "No, I've never seen you before in my entire life." I stuck out my hand with a smile, shifting my things to my left hand. I was trying to make amends and get to know him, find out whose side he was on. "I'm On Ji."

He gratefully took my hand, much quicker than I had expected him to. "Jang. What are you doing here all alone in these woods? I hear they're haunted."

I nodded knowingly. "My aunt is sick and the quickest way to her house is through the forest." I was surprised at how easily that lie had come out. I hadn't prepared it or even thought of any other lie for that matter before hand. I hadn't expected to see anyone in the forest at all.

"Oh?" Jang lifted his eyebrow. Uh- oh. He wasn't buying it. "What town does she live in?"

I bit my lip. "Uh…" My cover was blown for sure. He was probably an undercover Fire Nation soldier, trying to capture rebel soldiers. He probably though that I was a soldier sent out to scout the terrain in hopes that the Fire Nation would leave a female alone, thinking she was obviously not in an army. He was probably going to capture me and take to a prison.

"Can't think of it?" he asked casually with a hint of a smirk playing on his lips. I shook my head, hoping I looked sheepish.

_Sure, let's go with that._

"Is it Uso- Tsuki? That's about a four days walk from here."

"Yeah, that's it!" I grinned. "I'm on my way to Uso- Tsuki." I nodded my head.

"Hey, so am I. We should travel together."

Suddenly an alarm went off in my head. Was it just me or was this guy being _way_ too nice for a stranger? Something about his words didn't seem quite right, but he acted perfectly normal. Could he really be telling the truth? Or was he just some other deranged killer, trying to get me alone with him. If he was a murderer, wouldn't he have already killed me? We were already alone; no one could possibly hear my screams.

_What if he's telling the truth? Should I risk it? Oh…_

I shook my head. "No, I don't think so." Better to play it safe. My mission was already almost a suicide mission; I didn't need to add another dangerous factor into the equation.

Jang simply shrugged. "Suit yourself." I squatted back down on the ground and put my things away and stood back up, facing Jang. "I just thought that maybe you'd feel safer sleeping at night with someone with you. But if you're alright…" Jang walked past me and further into the forest.

For some reason, I was slightly offended by his words. I didn't need any protecting. I was fine on my own, and if worse came to worst and I was attacked by some animal, I could simply waterbend to protect myself. I was a master waterbender after all, I didn't need protecting.

"And why's that?" I asked before he was out of sight, putting my hands on my hips.

He turned around. "Well, I just know that there are wild bat wolves and platypus bears that come out to hunt at night," he stated, matter- of- fact. I gave him a condescending look, prompting him to elaborate. I just met the guy not even five minutes ago and he was already starting to get on my nerves. I mean, what did he take me for? Did he think of me as a pitiful, little, weak girl who can't do anything on her own?

"And?"

Jang sighed, telling me there's was so much more that I apparently didn't understand. "And I know," he took a few steps toward me, "that when you're out there all alone at night when's it's so dark you can barely see in front of you, you won't be able to waterbend in that kind of condition. Not to mention there won't be any water available to you because I already you didn't pack some with to make sure you didn't draw attention to yourself."

"H- how..? How do you..?" I breathed, trying to get a grasp on things. How did he know I was a waterbender?

"How do I know you're a waterbender?"

I numbly nodded.

"It was simple." He ambled towards me until he was a meter away again. "You have blue eyes. Firebenders don't have blue eyes," he shook his head, "even if they're half Water Tribe, half Fire Nation. If they were a waterbender then they would have blue eyes, and if they were a firebender they would have gold eyes."

"Is that it?" I asked, still shocked. "Is that how you figured out I was a waterbender?"

"Well, not exactly. I didn't know that you were a waterbender just by your eyes. I had a hunch that you were, but when you were talking about your aunt and you couldn't think of a town to tell me, I knew then."

I arched my eyebrow.

Jang looked at me then simply stated, "Uso- Tsuki isn't a real town. I asked you that to see if you were lying. When you said you were headed there, that was when I knew that you were a waterbender for sure."

"Oh." I nodded my head, sadly. "What are you going to do to me?" I asked timidly. For once, all my strength was gone. The thought of being taken away from my mission to find him was frightening. I was so scared that I was to be arrested that my legs felt frozen to the ground.

"Help you get to wherever you're going," Jang said as if I was crazy, smiling.

"What?" I gaped at him.

"Well, I mean, I will, this is, if you're not with the Fire Nation." He gave me a coy smile.

"No, of course not." I shook my head, happy to be able to tell the truth for once.

* * *

**A/N: Hey! I am incredibly sorry this chapter hasn't come out sooner, but I do actually have a legit excuse! I don't really want to type it all out again, so if you're curious, check Fate's Sense of Humor Chapter 6. Or maybe it's 5. No, no, I think it's 6. Oh, well it's the newest chapter lol. :P **

**So this chapter is REALLY different from the original story. Jang and Katara meet in a totally different way. I didn't really like the way Jang scooped her up from the ground while he was swinging through the trees. Personally, it reminded me too much of Tarzan, plus I didn't really like it in the first place, but I was in a hurry and I didn't really want to type out another whole 1000 words. So I just went with the first thing that popped in my head. I really like this version much better. (In more ways than just this chapter, but I guess I could've stuck with the original and just revise it, but this just sounds more logical and realistic.) **

**I know you guys are probably aching to know when Zuko comes back into the story, but, honestly, I have know idea! Sorry to let you down. Although I think he might be back after three more chapters. Maybe four. I don't know. Just don't hold you're breath. All the other characters like Tumcria, Zatica, Shang, and Tekei will be in the next chapter! Stay tuned! Lol that sounded really cheesy and like I was a talk- show person. :)**

**Well hoped you like it! Thanks!**

**-Neon**


	8. Chapter 8

We walked on for what seemed like an eternity. My ribs ached and my legs felt as if a thousand flames were twisting and curling inside them. It had been so long since I had walked for hours on end, about six or seven months. The forest was thick and lush, so branches poked and scratched at my hair, skin, my dress. I was sure by the time we stopped for the night, I would have a collection twigs and leaves that would take decades to completely clean my hair.

Finally as the sun began to set, Jang stopped dead in his tracks. In my tired state, I nearly bumped into him. He put his hands on his hips and turned around to face me. "This is where we'll stop for the night and make camp," he declared.

Happily, I let my backpack slip off my shoulders. I cringed as the rough leather slid harshly against my shoulders. It fell to the ground with a thud and onto its side. I plopped down on beside it with a huff and hastily pulled out my mat. I rolled it out and laid down on it. I stretched out my limps and sighed, relishing in the small comfort for just a second.

I sat up and saw Jang staring at me. I felt a smile creep onto my face. "You think of me as a child, do you not?"

He sat down beside me with a sigh. "No." he shook his head.

I smiled just a little bit more. Gosh, it felt good to smile.

"I just keep thinking we've met before. You look, oh, so familiar, but I just can't seem to remember where I've seen you before."

My brow furrowed and I shook my head. "I don't think we've ever met before." I thought hard. He didn't look familiar to me at all. I'd never met him before. There was a possibility that we _had _actually seen each other before, but the chances of that were very slim though. We could've seen each other by pure coincidence by looking around the market or in a shop, but even then, I'm sure we wouldn't have remembered seeing each other. We could've bumped into each other, for all I knew and just didn't remember.

_No, I would've remembered someone like him._

I scooted closer to him, but far enough away to feel comfortable. "You may just be mistaking me for someone else," I suggested.

"No, there's no one as unique and beautiful as you. And I'm sure of that."  
I blushed at his statement. I looked into his golden eyes and tried to remember him from some place. I couldn't think of any instance, but I was so lost in his eyes that I didn't bother to break away.

Jang gazed deeply into my eyes as well, and we both held each other's gaze for what seemed like hours, but in reality I knew it was only a matter of seconds. Slowly, we both got a little closer to each other, and soon we were a mere five or six inches away! It was by no means what I considered a "comfortable" distance, but for some reason, I didn't stop myself from leaning in closer to him.

"Have we met?" he breathed. His eyes shut as did mine. He started to close the space between us.

Suddenly a bell went off in my head. I was about to kiss Jang, a man I had only met a few hours ago. I didn't want to kiss him at all, and I was by no means in the condition to kiss anyone, for that matter. I truly only wanted to kiss Zuko. I had not wanted to kiss him in the past, but then I wanted him to be the only man I ever kissed for the rest of my life. If he was the only man I ever looked at with affection and passion and love, then that would be just fine.

My eyes flashed open and I quickly raised my hand in front of my mouth, in hopes of catching his lips with my hand rather than my own mouth. As I had hoped, his mouth touch my hand, and Jang quickly pulled back, shocked. Pink tinged his cheeks from embarrassment.

I looked away from him from fear that if I gazed just once more into his eyes I would fall under his spell that he had somehow so quickly placed upon me. "I'm sorry." I apologized. "I'm just not ready for that kind of thing at the moment."

"No, no. I was the one who began to kiss you, and for that, I apologize," he said, trying to make amends.

I nodded numbly. Silence descended upon us. It was eerie and uncomfortable. I bit my lip and asked, "Why did you offer to help me?" I took a chance and looked up at him. "I mean, you don't know me or where I'm really headed." I paused and my brow furrowed in frustration. "In fact, _I'm_ not even sure where exactly I'm headed."

"I honestly don't know. At first I was just going to walk past you as if you were not even in the forest, but then you stood up, and I saw your face. I don't know why you look familiar, but I feel like I've seen you before."

I nodded once, urging him to continue.

"It's like a dream almost." He leaned back languidly on one arm. "This whole ordeal, meeting you, is so surreal. I don't know how to explain it."

My brow became furrowed again. "And you're _sure_ we've met before; you not mistaking me for someone else?"

He shook his head. "No. I couldn't mistake someone else for you. No one could have as beautiful eyes as you do," he said with extreme sincerity.

I blushed and nodded, not quite sure what to say next. I hadn't been talked to like that in so long. It was awkward in a sense. Here we were, practically stranger, and yet I was somehow so entranced with him. He was like no other guy I had ever met in my life. Even Zuko was different from him. He wasn't different in a bad way, just different.

Jang seemed to be so sincere and kind and gentle. It was awkward and weird to be around someone who was giving me compliments. I had been hurt by many guys before, and so I didn't really know how to react to someone being so nice to me. "Um..." I stood up, brushing off my dress. "Maybe I should go and collect fire wood."

Jang stood up as well. "Alright. I'll just go and look for some berries or nuts," he said nervously. I was sure he felt that I was rejecting him totally and completely. And I guess I was in a way. I wasn't really _interested _in him, but there was something that just drew me in like a butterfly to a flower. Was it wrong of me to be practically interested in him when I was already in love with Zuko?

_It only will be if I make something of it. I have to make sure I don't fall for Jang._

"Ok." I began to pick up dry kindling. I wasn't exactly sure how much we would need, but I supposed not as much as Sokka, Aang, and I had needed since I assumed he was a firebender.

_Or is he not?_

I paused, thinking he must be a firebender. Where we met, it practically shouted out firebender. But then again, it could've come from someone else. I would just have to ask him and find out.

I returned back to our camp within fifteen minutes. Jang hadn't come back so I decided to go on ahead and try my luck at making a fire. I dumped the kindling down on the ground and squatted beside the pile. I grabbed the spark rocks I had brought with from my backpack and began scratching them against each other. After a few attempts, I had a meager fire snapping in front of me just in time for the sun to go down.

Jang soon joined me with a substantial gathering of nuts and berries. He sat down beside me and placed the food on the ground between us.

"Well," he said, looking at bit downtrodden at his findings, "here's dinner."

I gave him a soft smile. "Thanks for getting the food."

He waved his hand in the air. "Oh, it's not much really."

I shrugged, not caring whether it was much or not.

Together we ate in peaceful silence. I was glad to find that he had actually found real nuts unlike Sokka. "Nuts" that look like rocks hadn't seemed to cut it back then. Once we finished dinner, we both lay on our mats and animatedly talked.

"You know some things about me, Jang, but I have no knowledge about you," I said gazing up into the dark, looming trees.

"There's not much to know; I grew up in the Fire Nation. I was born to simple folk, no one really special or anyone in the military even. Neither of my parents were benders, but I somehow was gifted with the talent of firebending." He shrugged. "I grew up as any ordinary Fire Nation boy during this war; thinking that the Fire Nation was a great and powerful nation, and that this war was our way of showing our greatness to the rest of the world." He let out a wry laugh. "What an amazing lie, huh?"

I nodded and closed my eyes. I thought back to the all too real horrors of the war that we had experienced so long ago.

"But as I became a teen, I realized that we were force-fed our entire lives and that we couldn't just stand back and let others do our fight for us. And, I mean, with the Avatar dead," I felt a pang in my heart, "we all have to step up. So I joined-" he immediately stopped his sentence.

"Joined what?" I asked, sitting up.

"Nothing. It's not important," he said, being as elusive as possible. He seemed to be tense and holding back information. Joined what? What could possibly be so secretive that he couldn't say?

"Whether it's important or not, I'd like to know."

Jang sighed. He sat up, and looked into my eyes deeply. "Can I trust you?"

I nodded.

"No, I mean, can I _trust _you? Not 'Hey can I trust you'll bring me back my money tomorrow?' I mean, with my life?"

"Yes."

"Ok." He lay back down on his mat, clearly a little more at peace. "So," he picked up where he had left off, "I joined the firebending and earthbending army here in Joyonghan Eondeog."

I perked up at his words. He could lead me to Zuko! He was just what I had been searching for! My sorrow would soon come to an end and I would soon be able to apologize to him for all my stupidity and ignorance!

_But what if Jang doesn't believe that I am on his side? What if he takes me for a Fire Nation spy? A traitor to the Water Tribes? I'll have to lie, I guess…_

I bit my lip. I didn't want to lie to him anymore than I had already. If he found out later on in the future that I was lying to him, he would be so upset and would not believe me anymore. That would just be awful, and then I might not be able to find Zuko.

So many fears were swimming around and around in my mind. I was so close to finding Zuko, but I was also, oh, so far away from him. He was almost within reach, but I could be yanked back at the last second, right before my fingers come in contact with his skin.

"Really? You're part of the army?" A smile crept upon my lips and my eyes widen in excitement.

"Mhm." He nodded.

I stood up, too happy to control myself. "This is wonderful!" I clapped my hands together. "Oh, so wonderful!"

The firebender looked at me with confusion and a bit of worry. "How is this wonderful?" he asked cautiously.

"I want to join the army. I mean, they could use a waterbender, am I right?" I gave him a coy smile and he nodded. "So you'll take me to the army?" I looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him to say yes, hoping that he wouldn't think of me as a fraud.

"Of course," he declared.

"Thank you!" I leaped onto him and hugged him. Things were finally falling into place! I quickly got off him and returned to my mat. We talked some more for another hour or so, but sleep soon caught up with us and we happily relaxed and went to bed.

Morning came quickly and before I knew what was happening, we were back to walking again. I barely even remember eating breakfast; Jang was in such an "up and at 'em" mood that morning for some reason.

We walked and walked and walked and walked. The walking wasn't as bad as it had been the day before, but my legs were sore. We carried on small conversations, trying to keep the day light and merry. And it was nice, to say the least. As the day wore on, we ran out of this to talk about and we entered into a comfortable silence, aside from the crunching of leaves and twigs under our feet.

"So how long until we reach the army base?" I asked eager to reach the base.

"Well, from here it'll take about two days, but I have to stop at the river to meet up with my platoon. We were sent out into the forest to scout out the terrain to see if there were any Fire Nation soldiers still snooping around. The walk to the river is about two days also, but from there it'll take four days to reach the base, so we won't make it there for about six days, give or take," he said.

_Six days?_

I nodded, adding, "Oh, ok." Great, six days. And just when I thought I was nearing the end of my journey, it was only just getting started.

* * *

**A/N: Ok. Here's the new chapter! I hoped you liked it! Cause I pulled it out in 3 days. I guess it's ok. It's enjoyable right? It's not like listening to Friday on repeat right? It's more like Evanescence or Taylor Swift on repeat right? I'd even be ok with Katy Perry on repeat. But I mean, it's not like Disney music on repeat; it's not that good. lol. **

**Um... I don't really think I have much to say about this chapter. Oh, I hope that the kissing scene wasn't like "WHOA! What's she doing?" I mean, I wanted to show that Katara was still loyal to Zuko and that she still loved him, but that since Jang was with her right then and there and he was really nice and sincere, that it would be natural for her to fall for him. I guess you could put into the context of New Moon. And no, I do not like Twilight, I'm just using it as an example. You know how Bella still loved Edward, but she was starting to fall for Jacob because he was with her and blah blah blah. You get the picture. **

**I'm not too sure when Zuko's going to be showing up. Tumcria, Zatica, and the whole gang will show up in two chapters, if not the next chapter. I guess since it'll take about six days for them to reach the base it may not be for a while. Maybe like seven or eight chapters, depends on what happens. Even I don't know what's going to happen! lol**

**Thanks, and please review!**

**-neon**


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of the day went on pretty uneventful. We walked and walked and walked and, oh, yeah, walked some more. Of course, we upheld light and animated conversation. We talked about family and what we hope to do once the war's over, things like that.

"So what's your family like?" Jang asked casually.

I smiled at the thought of my family. Oh, how I missed them. Every last one of them. "My Gran Gran lives in the South Pole where I used to live with my brother before we left. She's a sweet old lady and very respectable. She raised my brother and me when my father went off to fight the Fire Nation three years ago." My face fell just a little at the thought of not seeing him since he went aboard that boat with the other warriors. "My brother traveled with me around the world and he lives here with me."

"And your mother?" he asked.

My hand instinctively went up to my neck, but I sadly remembered her necklace wasn't with me anymore. I had left it with Sokka. "My mother… She was killed…in a Fire Nation raid."

Jang stopped walking and turned to face me. "I'm sorry."

_That's something we have in common. _My breath caught in my throat as I heard those words echo in my mind. I felt a pang in my heart and I looked down. I bit my lip as I felt tears begin to form in my eyes. I quickly blinked them away. "It's alright. It was a long time ago," I said as I tried to offer up a smile.

He seemed to notice how forced my smile was and the real pain that lay beneath it, but he smiled back nonetheless. He continued walking through the forest and I followed.

"I don't live with my family either. My mother's gone also and so is my dad, but just like you, that was a long time ago," he said, shrugging.

"What happened to them?" I asked.

"Uh, they were killed in a fire," he answered.

A fire? That sounded a bit odd. "What do you mean? A fire? How?"

"There was a big fire throughout my whole town about five years ago. It lasted for three days, and my parents got trapped in a building and it collapsed on them."

"I'm so sorry," I sympathized.

"It's alright. Life goes on whether we want it to or not, and we have to learn to live with the things that have happened in the past to try to make the future brighter. And sometimes when we don't want to go forward with life we can't just take baby steps because we're afraid or hurting. Sometimes it's best to make a beeline forward towards the future." He twisted his head to me with a smile. "Right?"

His words hit home with me. Zuko had always tried to tell me that. That I couldn't let what had happened in the past hold me back. Jang's word brought me back to so many memories of Zuko and I talking.

I smiled back at him. "Right. My…boyfriend used to tell me that also. He believed that there's no time to waste on grieving for the past in this short life. He would say things just like what you said- running towards your future. He always told me that in order to move forward and live a better life in the future than what we're living at the moment was to forgive and let go."

Jang's attitude seemed to darken. "Boyfriend?"

_Oh, I probably shouldn't have mentioned Zuko. _

I gulped. "Um, yeah. Sorry I didn't mention it earlier." I bit my lip.

"No, no, it's fine. I just didn't think you would have a boyfriend," he admitted.

Though I liked his honesty, it was a bit biting at times. He was brutally honest a lot of the time. He didn't beat around the bush, I soon learned. He was charismatic and didn't waste time sugarcoating things. And I liked his bluntness, but right then and there it was a bit hurtful. I wasn't sure if I should take it as a compliment or an insult.

My brow furrowed. "What do you mean?" I asked almost in a cautious manner.

His eyes widened in shock and his face paled a bit. "Oh, no! No, I didn't mean it like that! I mean, I just saw you as a very independent, strong willed woman that didn't like to be held down by a man! I swear!"

I laughed out loud at his panic. He reminded me of Aang when he did that sort of thing. "I understand, really. And I am independent in my own way; I like to do things on my own and also stubborn, if not strong willed. I'm also very determined to do what's right or see things done to the end. I don't like to give up easily." My voice turned sullen and drenched in a dour tone as I became completely honest. "But besides all that, I'm also very dependant. I've lost so much in the past that I need someone to be around me so that I can have some sense of security. Sometimes I need someone that can just be there for me when I get scared or sad."

Jang nodded his understanding as he stared straight ahead. "I understand, but you need to remember that sometimes being dependant on someone can lead to thinking that you can't live without them quite literally."

"Yeah," I nodded my head. "But it'll never escalate that far, I promise," I reassured, smiling.

He smiled back. "So…" he began, starting a new topic of conversation. "What's your boyfriend like?"

His question was so unexpected and surprising. I didn't ever think that he would pry that far into my life. I didn't know what I was going to say. How could I explain that my boyfriend is the exiled and disgraced Fire Nation Prince that is so widely sought after? How could I tell him that my boyfriend is the man that practically everyone wants to have his head on a silver platter? How could I?

"Um…" I hesitated. What was I supposed to say? Should I even say anything? If he found out that Zuko is my boyfriend, he would think of me as a fraud, which I was, but still. He would think I was allied with the Fire Nation, and merely trying to find the location to their base. "He's…nice," I said, trying to be as elusive as possible, but still answer him enough to get him to stop asking questions.

"Well, that's good," he said, nodding. "What else?"  
I cringed on the inside. What should I do? What should I do? "He's handsome…and a powerful bender," I stated, struggling, oh, so much.

"Is he a waterbender like you?"  
I hesitated. Jang learning that he was a firebender could ruin everything. Was potentially destroying my chances of ever seeing Zuko again worth telling him that small bit of information? "…No, he's not," I finally said.

"Oh." It didn't seem to bother him, but it was mostly because he probably thought he must have been an earthbender. "What element does he bend?"

I bit my lip and my brow furrowed with fear and worry. "He's…he's a…firebender," I mumbled.

"Wow, I didn't expect that," he laughed. Jang didn't seem to be shocked or repulsed at all. In fact, he was just a little surprised, but it seemed to be in a good way. This brought me up a little.

"What do you mean?" I asked full of a little hope.

"I just didn't think he was a firebender, but there's nothing wrong with it." He paused, thinking a bit. "Well, that is, if he's not allied with the Fire Nation, it's not."

I violently shook my head. "No, he's not. In fact, I think- or, well, I hope- he's in the rebel army. I'm not sure, but I figured it be worth a try to see if he was."

Jang stopped walking. "Wait," he said, confusion evident on his face. "I thought you wanted to join the army, not look for your boyfriend."

"Oh, I do!" I lied. "But…" I bit my lip. "I also need to find him. You see," I began as I opened up to him, "I said some things. Some awful things that I shouldn't have said, and if I was thinking clearly and not out of anger never, ever in a million years would I have said them, and I just need to clear things up with him."

"What did you say?" he asked.

"I-I basically accused him of lying about his allegiance because in the past, he's struggled with doing the right thing. He was born in hate and raised in anger. He was force-fed his whole life like you said you were, but he snapped out of it like you. But…" I trailed off, becoming totally lost in the memory. It was all so vivid and clear, as if it had happened just that morning. All the things I had said to him echoed in my head so clearly without any break or pause.

_"If you can't change, then who you are? Why are you even here?__If you truly believe that you can't change then you're nothing, but a hypocrite and a liar. If you can't change and you can't change who you are and who you were, then why do you bother to try to change the world if you haven't even changed the one thing that can help change the world? By changing yourself from the inside out you can change the world one step at a time! How can you be preaching to me about changing my ways to help save the world when you're shouting at me about how you can't change?"_

Tears sprang into my eyes as guilt washed over me like a tsunami. I closed my eyes and shook my head, knowing that crying over what had happened would do nothing. "But," I opened my eyes, "if he's not in the army then it's alright." I shrugged. "I'll live and I'll be doing what I did a little less than a year ago- kicking some firebender butt!" I cried, pumping my fist in the air as I smiled at Jang.

He laughed at my outburst and did the same. "Yah! We'll kick firebender butt together, sending in some liquidy-hot action!"

I laughed out loud at his comment. It felt so good to laugh, so free and, well, fun! "Yah!"

We stopped laughing and resumed walking again. We walked and kept up more casual talk, but soon darker and more serious topics arose. We talked about the war and how the army was doing soldier and expense wise, which they were doing poorly in. We talked about our past struggles against the Fire Nation, but I didn't have much to contribute to since I had to keep my friendship with Aang a secret.

Night soon fell and we stopped to make camp for the night. We made a fire and found dinner and quickly went to bed without much discussion. When morning came, I awoke with a new hope and joy within me. I wasn't exactly sure where it came from, whether it was from knowing that I only had four more days until I got the base or if it was from telling Jang almost everything, but I was glad that for just a moment in my life since Aang died, I was happy.

"So today's the day we meet up with your platoon, right?" I asked while the two of us were rolling up our mats.

"Yup," Jang said.

"What are they like? How many are there?" I asked.

"Well," he looked up at me, "there's Diasuke, he's not a bender, but he's incredible with a bow and arrow and he's also one of the cooks in the army. Takeshi is a blacksmith and a fierce warrior. He also fights with the non benders using whatever he can get his hands on, but he prefers to use an ax. Shang is an earthbender and has only been in the army for about three months. Chikyu is also an earthbender. He joined the army with me. He's actually my best friend, not to say I'm just friends with him. I'm friends with all of them. Chikyu and I grew up together," he said, smiling.

"Oh, that's cool. It's always nice to have someone you know with you when you're in the army or traveling the world. I don't know how I would've traveled around the world without Sokka or my best friend." I smiled and wryly laughed as I thought back into their crazy antics.

"Yeah." Jang nodded.

I momentarily drifted off as my imagination ran wild. I imagined what Jang's four friends would think of me. I hoped they would like me and not doubt me. I was worried that they would be total jerks, but I highly doubted it because they were Jang's friends.

He stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulders. He cringed and adjusted the straps. "Well, are you ready?" he asked.

I stood up also and put my pack on too. "Yup," I happily replied.

We got off to a good start, making a lot of progress before we took a break for lunch. The soreness in my legs had nearly subsided from the walking becoming routine. All that was left was a soft, numb feeling in my calves and my hamstrings.

Soon after we ate lunch, Jang said, "We'll be at the river soon. It shouldn't take more than an hour, half an hour if we're lucky."

I nodded my head, barely taking in his words. All I kept thinking of throughout our long walk was Zuko. It was exceedingly hard not to keep him out of my mind. After all, I wouldn't have been walking in the forest with a near stranger, searching for him had it not been for him.

_But I was also dumb enough to accuse him of those heinous things. It's also my fault. _I thought as my mood quickly saddened. _But that's why I have to make things right. _My head lighted up high in defiance to give up. I don't know why, but I was somehow changing. I was slowly losing the will to give up. I didn't want to mope around in my misery. I wanted to actually get up and do something with myself. I wanted to go back to what I had been doing before Aang died. I wanted to actually try and end this cursed war. It was a strange and new feeling, but I was glad that I had it.

* * *

**A/N: Hey! Alright, in my opinion, I finished this chapter pretty quickly. It hasn't even been a month since I uploaded the last chapter! Aren't you guys proud? I am! Lol. Anyways, this chapter is really just a filler, but I wanted Katara to develop as a character more and change a little. As you guys have noticed, she's a happier and not ready to give up just yet anymore. **

**I changed Zatica, Tumcria, and Tekei's names because,well, I didn't really like them, I made them up on the spot, and they're not real names. I gave them real Japanese names. Tekei is now Daisuke (die-su-kay). Zatica is now Takeshi (Ta-kay-she). Tumcria is now Chikyu (Chic-you).**

**I don't really have a whole lot to say about this chapter actually lol. There really isn't much going on, but I still hope you guys liked it! Please review!**

**-Neon**


	10. Chapter 10

It took around forty-five minutes for us to reach the river. It was a gushing, roaring watercourse with white, foaming rapids everywhere. About twenty yards from the bank, a small campsite had been built. There was a medium sized fire pit lined with rocks and filled with ash.

There was only one person in the encampment. I guessed that everyone else was out and about doing something else. He was sitting on a tree stump close to the fire pit. He had brown hair that was cut short, but not too short. He looked possibly seventeen or around that age. He didn't look older than a teenager at all.

Jang smiled and waved for me to follow. He strolled into the encampment. "Shang! Hi!" he cried. He outstretched his hand to him.

Shang stood up with a smile on his face. He took his hand and did this handshake/man-hug that I noticed a lot of guy friends do.

I wasn't quite sure what to do so I just hung back in the shadows of the forest. I smiled a little at their exchange, but nothing else.

I wasn't awkward around new people normally, but when I was depressed it seemed to be harder to reach out and be friendly to new people. It was strange to try and become friends with other people when I wasn't really feeling up to the challenge.

In all honesty, I felt a thousand mile away from Jang and Shang. I was back away from them, and they were doing their own thing. I felt like I was watching them through a one-way mirror. I felt like they weren't seeing me, but I was seeing them, but that was how I usually felt around anyone, in fact.

I suddenly felt the happiness and joy I had less than an hour ago slipping away, oh, so quickly. As much as I clung to it and tightened my grip on it, it fell through my fingers even faster. I had hoped that it would last for a much longer time. It had been so long since I had been happy for more than a minute or two, I thought that it would be here to stay, but I guess not.

It looked like I was back to my usual, old self again. What a pity.

Jang noticed I wasn't beside him and twisted his head over to me, a smile wide across my face. He waved his hand, ushering me to come over once again.

I hesitated, but pushed my uneasiness and fear aside. Now wasn't the time to bring my depression back into world. If anything, I had to ignore it, and try to move past it. It was time to stop wallowing in my misery.

Although I wanted to move past my depression and problems, I was terrified to. I was absolutely terrified. My depression was what I had known and lived with for almost a year. It would be so drastically different if I wasn't depressed anymore.

The longer I went being depressed, the harder it was to remember recent times when I was happy. The more depressed I became, the less vivid my memories were. It was as if depression was all I knew. It was as if depression was my whole life, but I knew for a fact that it wasn't though my life hadn't been full of puppy dogs and rainbows. I had had my full share of sorrow growing up as much as anyone else in the world. Maybe I had had more sorrow than I deserved though.

Sure, living in a war-torn world wasn't an adequate childhood by any circumstance. And there were plenty of children around the world that had lost loved ones from the war. It wasn't just me, but… I couldn't help but sometimes think that my entire life had been a downhill experience since I was born even though it was most certainly not true. It gave me an adequate reason to be depressed.

I courageously walked over to the two. I didn't bother to smile or with any introductions. I figured Jang would do that, and, of course, he did. I had already realized that he was the type of person to.

"Shang, this is On Ji," he said, waving his hand towards me.

A small smile broke away. "Hi," I said.

Shang did a two-finger salute. "Nice to meet you," he beamed. "So, let me guess," he started, "you're with Jang to join the army?" he asked, giving me a cheeky grin.

"Yup!" I tried to sound excited, but it too forced and I'm sure they both picked up on it. I continued talking though, hoping that if I talked and pushed myself further then my dejection was fade away again. "I'm a waterbender, and just about a year earlier my brother and I had been fighting the Fire Nation, and I figured that it was time to start again."

_Ok, that wasn't a total lie, but still…_

Shang nodded, taking in my words. "What made you guys stop?" he inquired.

"Well, uh…" Oh, no. What was I going to say? We had to stop fighting because my best friend, the Avatar was killed and I suffered from extreme depression? No, way. I couldn't say that. "We kind of hit a road block," I paused, hoping that that would be enough, but, of course, it wasn't, "…when the Avatar was killed."

"Oh, yeah, I understand. We did also," he said, cooling my nerves down a little. "We needed to take a step back, regroup, and see what we were going to have to do next."

I nodded, pretending that that was exactly what we were doing. "Yeah, same here."

"So where did you and your brother fight?" Shang asked in earnest curiosity.

"Oh, just around the Earth Kingdom; we weren't really with a certain army."

He nodded his head in impressments and Jang smiled with pride.

Was it just me or was Jang proud of me? As if he upheld me with some sort of respect that a… boyfriend would? No, he couldn't. He was just happy that a bender with actual fighting experience was joining the army thanks to him. Yeah, that was all that was going on.

Within the next hour or so everyone else joined the camp. Takeshi had brown eyes and dark, black hair that hung around his ears. He was about twenty-three or so. Diasuke had brown hair in a top knot and he was much burlier than the others were. He was twenty and had gray eyes. Chikyu had his hair in a top knot as well and he looked to be about the same age as Diasuke. He had brown eyes.

We gathered around the fire and bantered about various topics, all of them far from the war. I sensed that none of them wanted to talk about the war in any way, shape, or form and neither did I. War was the last thing I wanted to think about.

I seemed to fit in fairly well with the rest of the group. Well, expect for Takeshi. He didn't seem to trust me at all. I kept catching him watching me, eyeing me from the corner of my eye. I started to think that he assumed that I had other motives for joining the army. Well, I did, but they weren't traitorous to the army.

But what was I going to do if Zuko wasn't in the army? What then? I couldn't just simply walk out on them. If I arrived and suddenly said I had to leave they would lock me up for sure! I mean, what else would they do? Pat my head, hand me a fruit basket, and send me on my merry way?

Chikyu insisted that the night was perfect for "gazing at the twinkling stars up above our heads" as he had said and walked away from the fire and closer to the shore to see the stars clearer. Jang and I followed, thinking it would be fun.

"Amazing," Chikyu sighed as he stretched his arms.

I leaned back nodding. "Sure is."

The blackened sky was cluttered with the bright twinkling stars. A soft blanket of glittering stars had covered the yawning black sky while a brilliant moon now presided in the darkness like a queen among her tiny handmaidens.

"The great kings of the past," he said.

I raised my eyebrow. _Great kings? _"What do you mean?"

"What great kings?" Jang asked. "We've had some pretty bad ones in the past and lately if you haven't noticed."

Chikyu gave him a look. "I was once told," he explained, "that the great kings of the past were up there, watching over us."

"Really?" Jang asked amazed.

"Hm," I grunted more or less, nodding my head. I had never heard the stars called that before. As a child, I was always told that the stars told our history. The constellations. Each one had a story to tell and a lesson to learn from. They were part of our heritage and every child grew up knowing at least one story by heart.

A shooting star flashed across the charcoal sky, and my eyes widened in admiration and wonder. Never in my life had I seen a shooting star. It was so bright and beautiful, glowing of an ethereal, smoky blue. I couldn't take my eyes off it. It was so compelling and mesmerizing.

Jang leaned over onto his right elbow and whispered to me, "Make a wish."

I closed my eyes, thinking of a wish. _What do I want..? _"I wish…" I started. _For Zuko to understand me, if not forgive me._

"What did you wish for?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I can't tell." Though I knew that that silly little superstition was simply poppycock, I didn't want to take the chance. True, it was childish for me to keep it to myself for that reason, but it felt good to have that small sliver of hope inside my heart that maybe, just maybe, my wish would come true. "Did you wish for anything?"

He nodded once and flipped over onto his back again. "I did."

"And?"

"And," he smiled, "I have an eighty percent chance it will come true." He stretched out his arms above his head and pulled them back behind his head.

I yawned a little, feeling sleep start to shroud over my mind. I covered my gaping mouth with my hand. "What did you wish for?" I asked.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough," he replied elusively with a cheeky smile quickly playing across his lips.

I smiled a little on my own and shook my head wryly. _Men. _I thought to myself. _They will never cease to amaze me. _

We soon headed back to camp, realizing that it was much later than we had thought, and that the rest of the group would be heading to bed soon. We rolled out our mats and laid down in them.

I happily curled up into a ball inside mine, relishing in the warmth of the soft blankets and the fire. I closed my eyes, ready for a good nights' sleep, which seemed to be coming more often. A few minutes after everyone had gotten into their sleeping bags, I heard hushed voices.

They belonged to Jang, Diasuke, Takeshi, Shang, and Chikyu. They were talking about…me. They must have thought I was already asleep.

"I'm telling you, she's bad news," I heard Takeshi say. "We need to just drop her off at the next village we pass through." He wanted to get rid of me! He didn't even know me! How dare he!

"We're not passing through another town. We're going to be the forest until we get to the base," Jang said sternly.

"No, I think we should keep her around. She could be a spy." It was Diasuke. "When we go back, we'll show her to him. He'll know what to do."

Him? Who was him?

A small sliver of hope pierced through me that it may just be Zuko, but I knew that that was quite unlikely, and it would only be foolish to get my hopes up only to be horribly disappointed when we reached the base.

"But what if she isn't a spy? Can we risk losing a master waterbender with actual fighting experience?" Chikyu asked. "We need a waterbender!" he cried.

"Quiet, you fool. You'll wake her," warned Jang.

I heard the ruffle of sheets. Someone was coming. I quickly closed my eyes and evened my breath out into deep in takes, pretending to be asleep. I used to do it all the time. When Zuko was living in the beach house with Sokka and me, Sokka would always check on me to make sure I was in bed and asleep, and also that Zuko wasn't in the room. He bought my charade every time.

"Don't worry, she's asleep, but that still doesn't mean you can yell out loud, _Chikyu_," said Diasuke.

"We need to figure out what we're going to do with On Ji," Jang declared. "We can still take her to the base and have him see her whether or not she's a spy. He will be able to determine if she is or not. Does that sound alright?"

"Fine."

"You're in charge."

"I'll go along with whatever you think is right."

"Sure."

"Good," Jang said. "Now, let's get some sleep."

I heard the ruffle of more sheets and then silence except for the cicadas. After a few minutes, I feel into a blissful sleep. The next morning I awake and everyone was up and getting packed up already. I quickly rolled up my mat and secured it to my backpack.

"On Ji?" I heard Jang call. I was starting to get very used to being called that.

I turned around to see him. "Yeah?"

He held up the dirty pot we had used the night before to cook the soup. "Mind helping me?" he asked with a smile.

I nodded, smiling too. I don't know what it was about Jang that made me happier. Just being around him lifted my spirits for some reason. He just seemed to radiate this happy and peaceful aura that I felt so comfortable being around. In that way, he reminded me of Aang. But he wasn't like Aang at all. He was a grown, handsome man instead of a young boy starting puberty.

Though his features were obviously Fire Nation, he looked nothing like ruthless firebenders that I had run across time and time again. His eyes were a soft honey and not a harsh gold like… like Zuko's.

What was I thinking? No one's eyes could compare to his. His were filled with emotion. I could easily read his feelings with his eyes when his face betrayed no feeling at all. His eyes were a fiery golden that always blazed with passion when we were close.

_But Jang's do also. _

So what? I'm sure there are plenty of other men who have eyes that "blaze with passion". It's not that uncommon, but with Zuko, it's like I'm in a totally different world.

_Jang makes you feel that way also. He makes you feel happy._

Ugh! It doesn't matter! Jang's a friend, not my love!

_Is he..?_

Yes.

_Are you sure?_

O-of course! Jang is nothing more than a friend!

I sighed. How could I be arguing with myself about Jang? It was such a silly topic to argue about. Especially with myself!

"What's wrong?" Jang asked, looking concerned.

"Oh," I said. "Nothing's wrong," I said with a reassuring smile.

"Alright."

We walked to the river in a comfortable silence. Jang dumped the pot by the bank and started to roll up his sleeves.

I squatted down by the pot and dipped my hands into the water. It felt so good to have my element wash over my skin. It was so long since I had been able to do just a simple thing as that.

"I can honestly tell you," I said nonchalantly, "that I'm not a spy. I would never betray my country like that." I looked up at him.

He paused, looking a bit shocked. He immediately apologized, and I laughed, "You needn't apologize. I understand; you're just doing your job, watching out for your men." I smiled at him.

He nodded cautiously. "Yeah." He rolled his sleeve once more before kneeling down beside me. "So, you don't mind going and being…" he trailed off, not sure what to say without offending me.

"Judged?" I shook my head. "Nope. Not at all. I'm not a spy, so I have no fear."

He smiled. "Good, I'm glad."

* * *

**A/N: Hey! I got this chapter out reasonably fast. It wasn't even a month! Ok, this chapter doesn't really have much going on, but if you read the original version, you may recognize some of the writing is the same. **

**There is one Disney reference in there. Anyone catch it? No? Yes? Maybe? Oh, well. If you've read Fate's Sense of Humor, you'll notice that there are a few of them lol.**

**Anyone have an idea about "Him"? The person Jang is going to bring Katara to? Any ideas? Anyone? Anyone? Lol.**

**I hoped you liked it and please review!**

**-Neon**


	11. Chapter 11

I nodded and began to rub the dried and crusted food at the bottom of the pot. "So who is him?"

"Him?"

"Yeah, I heard you talking about him. You guys are going to bring me to him and he'll be able to see if I'm a spy or not or something like that."

"Oh, yeah, him. He's the leader of the army. We're not allowed to say his name outside the base walls," he explained.

"Why not?" I asked.

"He's wanted in the Fire Nation, so it's best that only people in the army know who he is."

I nodded my head. Secrets, secrets. Everyone had them. "I understand."

I bolted up right, panting and tangled up in my blanket. I was covered in a light coating of sweat. My chest heaved in and out in frantic breaths for air. I frenetically looked around me, scanning my surroundings. The blurry silhouettes of the dark trees slowly came into focus in the dark night lighting. I soon came to terms and realized that I was in the forest and not the Fire Nation palace.

_Just a nightmare. That's all it was. Nothing real. Nothing real. _I thought to myself, trying to calm myself down.

I had thought that I was starting to stop having them after so many peaceful nights. I had thought that my depression was starting to clear away. But… I guess not. I guess that I was cursed to have nightmares for the rest of my days. Was it always going to be like that?

Was I always going to be doomed to be tormented my own thoughts until the day I died? Was it going to just end once I died? Or was it going to be far longer than forever?

I shivered and sunk farther down into my sleeping bag, trying to find some sort of comfort. I jumped and darted my head in a different direction at each sound. I was on edge for awhile, but then I soon fell asleep somehow.

The next morning, I fared no better. I was jumpy at every sound and noise. I was tense and just totally out of the conversations that everyone else up held. The haunting memories of the nightmare kept me going in and out of my subconscious.

A hand rested on my shoulder, and I yelped, leaping off the ground and dropping my apple I had been eating for lunch. I twisted around, ready to fight, but I relaxed. It was only Diasuke. I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back down. I picked up my apple, brushed it off, and took another bite.

He eyed me wearily and with suspicion almost. "Are you alright?" he asked, worry was clearly lacing his features and his tone.

"Yeah," I sighed. I cleared my throat. "I'm just a little jumpy."

"I can see that," he teased, sitting down beside me. "What's wrong?"

I bit my lip and looked at him. He seemed like a trust worthy man. "I just had a nightmare last night." I shrugged. "And it's really got me thinking and…just a bit shook up."

"Do you want to talk about?" he offered.

I shook my head. There was nothing to talk about. It was just another nightmare, just another part of my life. "No, I'm fine. Thanks though. I appreciate your concern." And I did, I truly did. There weren't many people I had come across that would offer to listen to someone ramble on about their problems and actually try to help. And the fact that he didn't really know me made me really see that he cared for me.

"Oh, it's not a problem," he declared, shrugging. "You're one of us now, and that's what we do- look out for one another."

I raised an eyebrow. "One of you?"

He nodded. "Yeah, you're in the army now."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "No, I'm not." I glanced at him, and he raised his eyebrow. I leaned back, propping myself up on my hands. "I have to pass judgment or something like that with your leader."

And I wasn't part of the army yet. I had to prove I wasn't a spy, but… How could I do that? What proof did I have? If I told them I was Katara, master waterbender and friend of the deceased Avatar, they would think of me as a lunatic.

Maybe I was crazy to think I could actually do this. Maybe I was stupid to believe that leaving Sokka for Zuko was the best thing to do. Maybe I was just being selfish, thinking only of myself. Come to think of it, I _had _been selfish. All those times when Sokka needed me, but I was too caught up in my own misery to help him. How could I be such a hypocrite? A horrid sister? How could I have abandoned him like that?

But it was too late to turn back now, wasn't it? I would see Sokka after I had found Zuko. I would bring him home with me and then I would explain to Sokka. Surely he would understand. He wasn't the type to be blinded by his…own stubborn…ways.

Ugh! How could I possibly think that it would go along swimmingly? Sokka would most likely attack Zuko! He wouldn't just sit down on the tatami mat and offer us tea!

I should never have left home.

Maybe I didn't go for Zuko. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove I could do things right. That I wasn't a failure. So when I looked in the mirror, I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I saw nothing in the mirror still. Even after I had come this far, all I saw was regret and misery.

Diasuke nodded. "Did Jang tell you?"

"No, I heard you guys talking. I wasn't really asleep," I chuckled.

"Oh, well, don't worry," he declared, offering up a smile. "I'm sure you're not spy, and anyone

We packed up from lunch and started to head out again. We had made a lot of progress over the past two days. Or so I had thought. We had actually had a wrong turn, I soon found out after heading out after lunch. Jang was irked for the rest of the day and not to be harassed or annoyed. That's the first thing I learned for when I would be in the arm: don't mess with Jang when he's angry at himself.

"You're Water Tribe, right?" Chikyu asked as we were walking through the dense forest.

"Mhm." I nodded my head. "Born and raised in the South Pole."

He let a puzzled look cross his face as he thought hard. "I thought there were no waterbenders in the South Pole anymore."

I nodded. "Yeah, I was the only one in the entire South Pole. The Fire Nation wiped the all out. But like earthbending or airbending or firebending, waterbending comes with birth, and because my father came from a waterbender I was given the waterbending trait. His father was a waterbender."

"Oh, I see. So where did you learn to master waterbending?"

"I-" I stopped myself. I had just been about to say that I had to travel with Aang to the Northern Water Tribe to teach him waterbending. "I traveled to the North Pole to learn. It's strange," a smile crept onto my face for some reason, "I just mastered the element when the Fire Nation invaded the North Pole." I don't know why I smiled, but I did.

"What happened?" he asked in earnest curiosity.

I shrugged. "I'm sure what you've been told. I fought along with my brother, who had come along with me on the journey, and luckily the Avatar was there to save the day."

I wished I could tell him what really happened. What I really had done. That was one of my favorite stories to tell. I loved to tell it because I faced Zuko in one of our hardest battles and because of how Sokka, Yue, and I had to travel through the blizzard. It was one of our most emotionally draining battles I think I've ever been through beside the Great Battle.

"Yeah," he said, nodding his head sullenly. "Too bad the Avatar's not here to save us now."

I closed my eyes as I felt tears start to prickle the bottom of my eyes. I couldn't cry. I just couldn't cry for him. It would ruin everything. I blinked the tears away and nodded in remorse. "Yeah, but it's our turn now. We should make him proud. Let him know he didn't die in vain." I smiled.

He nodded once with determination streaking his face. "Yes."

We finally stopped for the night and set up camp. We were right in the middle of nowhere, to be honest. There were just trees all around us. No significant landmarks to help clue me in as to where exactly we were. I had no idea how Jang had made it this far without making another mistake.

I was really glad I had found him, or well, he had found me. I would have been totally lost if not for him. I was glad he was a part of my life. When I was around him, I felt like a little piece of me had been restored. Like slowly, I was reversing my stumble and fall.

He couldn't make up of my loss. No, there was no one in the world, nor would there ever be, that was exactly like Aang. And to think about that was really scaring. It still brought tears to my eyes, but… like everything else in this world, we need to learn to let go.

It wasn't easy. It was the farthest thing from, but that day on the beach was the first step to closure. I was getting so much closer to closure. It seemed that I was not just with Aang, but with so many other things also.

It seemed that had it not been for Zuko, I would have never been on this trip. I would still be at the beach house, wallowing in my own pity. I wouldn't have accepted Aang's death. Granted, I would have never been depressed if Aang had never died, but that's something we don't have a choice on: death.

It's funny how life plays out, isn't it? Everything seems to work out for the better and in the end we finally see that. "Everyone is where they are needed to be; God sees to it" as Gran Gran would say. Sometimes we just need to go through the silence before the storm to truly appreciate what life has. And then once the storm is over, we can appreciate it even more.

I stayed up later than the others. I couldn't find myself ready for sleep. The fear of another nightmare kept me up. I didn't want to drift off into a blissful sleep only to be abruptly shaken out of it by another encroaching nightmare.

I sat with my legs curled underneath me by the fire. I watched it hiss and snap as I fell into my memories, recalling the long and lost ones. Or they seemed to be long and lost at least for I knew they were merely a year old at most.

I thought about Aang's laugh. How bright and uplifting it was. He would always bring light banter and enjoyable, silly jokes to the table when the mood had turned sour.

I felt a tear sting the bottom of my eye. I let it gently slid down my cheek for there was no one to see. I didn't have to hide my sorrow for the time being. I pulled my legs up close to my chest and slowly rocked myself back and forth as I hummed a traditional Southern Water Tribe lullaby.

"What are you humming?" I heard behind me. I turned my head to see Jang sitting up groggily.

I quickly wiped my eyes. I flushed crimson, a rosy hue lighting my cheeks. "Oh, nothing. Just a Water Tribe lullaby," I explained.

"What are the words?" He inched towards me, coming in closer to the fire.

"La la lu. La la lu," I quietly sang, gazing into the fire. "Oh, my little star sweeper. I'll sweep the stardust for you." I sang the entire song for him. "My mother used to sing that to me every night before I went to bed."

"It's beautiful," he noted.

I nodded. "Yeah, it is."

* * *

**A/N: Hey! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was probably a bit boring to most of you. I wasn't too thrilled that nothing really happened, but all the drama and adventure and action WILL happen in the next chapter! I can actually promise you that because in the next chapter Katara arrives at the rebel base and is faced with a chose that no one should ever have to face. Will she choose wisely? ****Haha, I sound like a freakin voiceover for a trailer. **

**Anyways, in the next chapter, Katara really is faced with a tough chose. I'm sure some of you already know what that chose it ;). So...yeah. **

**There were THREE references in that one! I wonder...did any of you guys catch them? The first one isn't from a Disney movie. It's actually from a Nest movie, The Swan Princess. I absolutely ADORE that movie! Did anyone catch it now that I've told you? The second is from Mulan, and the third is quite obvious if you know the movie to an extent lol. It's from Lady and the Tramp.**

**I hope you liked it! Please, please review!**

**-Neon**


	12. Chapter 12

I leaned back, supporting my weight by my outstretched hands. "You know," I said, looking at Jang, "you don't really seem like a man of war to me. I mean, you're very kind and gentle, not barking out commands like most men in the army."

"That's because I'm not," he answered. "I never really wanted to be sucked into this war like most everyone I've met. Everyone would like to enjoy the rest of their life with a family, surrounded by smiles and love and happiness. But for the sake of our benefit and future, a lot of men that aren't violent at all have to join the war at some point or another," he elaborated, grief lacing his tone a little.

I nodded my understanding. "Yeah, I see what you mean. My father was never a man of war either. You actually remind me of him in a way. What were you going to be had you not been in the army?" I asked.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes, trying to keep the sleep from creeping inside him anymore. "I planned on becoming an artist." He yawned.

I could tell he didn't hardly ever stay up at this hour.

"Really?" I looked at him, eagerly waiting for him to explain.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I was actually pretty good. I mean, if that doesn't sound braggish." He smiled at me, his eyes twinkling even in the dim lighting. "Maybe if this war ends before I do, I'll paint again," he said hopefully.

I nodded my head a little. "Yeah, I'd like to see your work one of these days."

He smiled at me. "Thanks." He heaved himself off the ground and back into his sleeping bag. He pulled the cover over his body and turned to his side, using his bent arm as a pillow. "Good night, On Ji."

"Good night, Jang."

Today was the day. I was going to finally see the rumored and talked about rebel army base. I was finally going be at the crossroads of destiny, the silence before the storm. It would decide my fate and in what direction I would go from there. If Zuko wasn't there, then I would have to start all over again. I would be back to square one.

But I wasn't going to give up if he wasn't there. Just because I had to start over again didn't mean I couldn't achieve greatness or victory on the second or third try! And if I had to try a third time then I would do just that! Even if I had to search for the rest of my life! I had made a commitment to find him and that was just what I was going to do.

I wasn't going to let something small set me back. I wasn't; I just wasn't. I couldn't really. I didn't really have anywhere else to go besides back to the beach house, but if I returned home, Sokka would surely never let me out of his sight ever again. He would definitely think I went on a mission to kill myself rather than find Zuko. Going back home to the beach house just wasn't a possibility.

I was sure that even if I tried to explain the reality of my departure, he wouldn't listen. He wasn't the type to really listen if he was sure, without a shadow of a doubt that he was right. He would most likely say, "That's nice. Yes, very nice," as he shoved me into my room. He could be such a bother in that way, but I knew he would only do that if he thought it was for my own good.

It only took half a day's walk to reach the base. We awoke first thing in the morning. Jang had already shaken off his anger and frustration from the day before and was ready to start the day off without any mistakes. He made us eat quickly and pack up in record time. We were already walking through the lush forest within twenty minutes. We had shaved off ten minutes at least!

Jang was really the type of person to get one motivated when there's a need to be quick. The men really seemed to look up to him for at least that reason, if not for more. I assumed that there were many other reasons they respected and admired him as a person and also as someone higher up in the ranks than they were. He was such an admirable man with good qualities all around.

_Yes, he's going to make a fine husband._ I caught myself thinking as we stomped through the greenery.

What? How could I have thought something like that? It sounded as if _I _were interested in marrying Jang! No, that was absurd! Preposterous! Zuko was the only one for me. I couldn't _ever _look at another man in the same way I did with Zuko.

_But when faced with a _new _lover, the mind becomes shrouded with confusion._ I remembered hearing GranGran say once when I was younger. She had warned me to be careful with my heart, reminding me it was as fragile and delicate as a shoji. She had told me that I needed to be careful and think and choose clearly when I was faced with two men after my heart.

Oh, how I wished I had GranGran with me to help on this twisting and curling path laid out in front of me! I was so confused and perplexed at which direction I was to take! One path lead me down a life of adventure and happiness while another led to happiness as well was more even. Should I choose the smoothest course, steady as the beating drum?

Ugh! Life was confusing and hard enough without the thoughts of a befuddling love life! I had no time to think about whom I was to settle down with when I had really no one as an option! I mean, sure, I had Zuko, but he wasn't around. I wasn't even sure I was going to find him within the next year! And Jang…Jang wasn't an option either!

I mean, of course, he was handsome and kind and gentle and respectful- not that Zuko wasn't any of those things. Jang was just all those things in a kinder way. He was more Aang than Zuko.

Zuko was…gruff, fiery and aggressive much like his element. He was tense too, but Jang wasn't any of those things. He was relaxed and cool, charismatic almost. They were completely two different people.

Though they both bended fire, they seemed to be totally different about it. Jang seemed to see how truly beautiful fire could be and how it was life all in itself and it lived and breathed just like we did. It was beauty and emotion. Zuko seemed to see it only as a weapon, as power, though he never used it in a fit of anger or vengeance.

Ugh! I had more important things to worry about anyways! There was the war to think about and to prepare for! I couldn't find myself daydreaming about love with the comet quickly encroaching. All I needed to focus on was passing judgment at the base. That had to be the number one thing on my mind.

"Well," Jang said after he had stopped his pace. "This is it," he proudly proclaimed, beaming over at me and waving his hand out at the scenery in front of us.

There was nothing but…the forest. There were giant, looming trees towering over our small frames with monstrous branches emerging from the trunk covered in fresh green leaves. There were bushes all around, dotting the forest floor, contrasting with the dusty brown ground. Tall, green and brown grass stood curved, slouching as it protruded from the earth while flattened, moist grass lay on the ground completely vulnerable to trampling. There was also a mountain that stretched high into the sky and touched clouds.

"I don't see anything," I cautiously noted, not sure exactly if the base was actually there or if Jang had taken a wrong turn again and not realized it. I silently hoped he had made another wrong turn, so that I could think about what I was to do about being judged.

"Well, of course, you don't," he replied cheerfully. "That's the point."

I looked at him with an eyebrow raised high on my forehead. The point? Was the base really there? Was there even an army?

"Only an earthbender can get to the base."

Shang and Chikyu pushed past Jang and me, strutting up to the base of the mountain. With eloquent and expressive bending forms, the ground rumbled beneath my feet and dust sprang from the mountain. About two and a half meters in width of the base of the mountain slowly sank into the ground. As the dust cleared, a hallway dimly lit with glow rocks was slowly becoming visible.

I gasped in amazement. No wonder the Fire Nation had never been able to find the army base. It had been somehow carved into the mountain! It must have taken months to complete it! But it definitely paid off! They army had been around to nearly ten years at least! They were a legend amongst nearby villages.

"Wow," I breathed.

Jang stood close by me. "Yeah, this mountain has been here for as long as I can remember as well as the base. It's pretty incredible. But also very confusing with its long corridors that all look alike," he chuckled. "Are you ready to go?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat that had been building up from anxiety and dread. I cautiously nodded my head. "Yes."

In all honesty, I wasn't really. I wanted to this to all be a dream. I wanted to wake up suddenly covered in the fur pelts of home and come to realize that the war is all over and that Aang had never really died. That he had actually succeeded in his mission. That _we _hadn't all failed the world. If only life would end in that way. Things would have been so much simpler if that was the way it ended.

So many lives wouldn't have been lost if Aang had won. Aang would still be at my side. Zuko would still be at my side! And Sokka and Toph! It would be as if the whole gang was back together once again. It would be like old times only better! We would have Zuko too!

But it couldn't ever be like that, could it? It wasn't ever meant to end in that way, was it? Aang was supposed to die and so was Toph. That was how it was always meant to be. And I couldn't ever change that. I could only wish for what I want to have happened.

It was a sad and scary thing to think that no matter how many times you try to change something, it never ends the way you want it to. In the end, they always end up dying.

I guess a life with Aang and Toph was never a life at all. What I had with them in the past was all I was ever going to get. And I had to soon learn that.

We solemnly walked into the fortress. I did so with my head held high up, mentally preparing myself for whomever I would have to face to pass judgment. Whatever was going to happen, I was not going to cry, scream, or beg. I was going to be calm, cool, and collected. I was going to prove I wasn't a traitor, that I was for the Water Tribes one hundred percent.

Shang and Chikyu slowly heaved the earth back into place, relaxing after a loud, echoing thud that rumbled through the base. As the wall closed together, the light that had been seeping through the crakes and openings quickly disappeared and dispersed into the darkness daringly shrouding around our bodies. The only lighting was the dim ethereal glow of the glow rocks, barely illuminating the hallway.

A small shiver crawled up my spine as the chill of the mountain quickly seeped through my thin silk clothing and bare skin, making goosebumps. I shakily sucked in the stale air, fear slowly but surely creeping into my mind. Slowly my bold courage was trickling away from me, forming a puddle behind me.

I worried that I would have to face a snarling commander with gnashing teeth. I feared that what was left of my fleeting courage would be completely gone, leaving me dry and without the will to utter a word. Though there was a small sliver of hope in me that Zuko was the commander, I knew that was absurd and simply too silly to place my hope in and it didn't keep my spirits high either.

After winding down many elaborate and curving halls, Chikyu and Shang had left to go report to their earthbending sergeant. Takeshi and Diasuke had also gone to report their arrival, leaving me alone with Jang. We both walked on in stony silence, but there wasn't much need for talk. It just would have been nice if his silence didn't make the atmosphere any thicker than it was, but the silence was also welcomed. I needed time to think about what I was going to do about being judged.

"Are you nervous?" he finally piped up.

I probably should've lied and said no, but I couldn't find myself to utter any word other than an exclaimed "yes". And I was! I nervous and terrified beyond belief! I had no proof whatsoever that I wasn't a traitor other than I was Water Tribe, but it wasn't uncommon for one to defect from their own country. So how big were my chances of passing with flying colors?

_Slim. Extremely slim. _I sourly thought to myself.

I knew it was not a very good thing to be so negative and "literal" with myself, but it was hard enough to lie to others let alone myself! I couldn't say my chances were good just to lift my spirits because I knew deep down within me they weren't good. They weren't good at _all_. I was treading on dangerous grounds and I knew it.

"Don't be," Jang said, encouragement twinkling in his golden eyes.

I bit my lip and studied his features. "B-but I can't!" I whined. My brow furrowed with fear and worry and apprehension. There was no way I couldn't be nervous. It was humanly impossible. Anyone would be nervous if they didn't know what they were up against exactly. "I'm so scared! No, I'm terrified!" I cried out, my voice shaking. "I'm scared to death that I will be thought of as a traitor!" I felt tears sting my eyes. Oh, no, not here. Not like this. I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I couldn't. "Jang, I have no proof that I'm not a spy or a traitor!"

"Whoa, whoa," he said, reaching for me. He rested his hands on my quivering shoulders, soothing down my fear and distress. "It's ok. You'll do fine. I promise." He looked me straight in the eye as he talked, never breaking our gaze. "Now put on a brave face and dry your eyes. They can smell fear." His lips twitched into a smile and his eyes sparkled with mischief.

I couldn't help but smile and giggle a little.

Jang was right. It was going to be alright. I was going to be fine. I was going to pass and find Zuko! Life was finally going to end the way I wanted it to! Things were finally going to be settled and set straight. I was going to finish my goal with flying colors. Things were going to end just fine!

_I _was going to be just fine.

He pulled me swiftly into his arms, wrapping his warm, comforting arms around my body. His action was shocking and caught me off guard, but once I got over my shock, I welcomed his embrace. It had been such a long time since I had been hugged. It felt nice.

Like I was actually cared about.

It was a feeling that I didn't want to go away. I had missed the warm feel of someone else's arms wrapped tightly around my form in compassion. It brought me to see that everything can be as it used to be. Just because I had gone through so much depression and pain and anger didn't mean that I was always going to be like that. It didn't mean that it wouldn't slowly with time evaporate to just a small memory dwindling in the back of my mine.

"My strength is your strength," He breathed in my ear, whispering the universal bender prayer.

His words hit home with me, and I abruptly wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer. I felt tears sting my eyes at his kindness and I didn't care that I had tears in my eyes. They were tears of joy and not of pain, so it was alright. I let them slip and fall down my cheek.

"Thank you," I whispered.

We pulled away after a few more seconds in each other's embrace. I weakly smiled and wiped my cheeks and the bottom of my eyes. Jang smiled back at me and we resumed walking through the long corridors. We strolled in a comfortable silence and it was nice. It was actually nice. I felt comfortable enough around him that it was nice to be in silence with him. It was easing.

Soon we reached a tall, looming door that reached from the ground all the way up to the ceiling. It had an insignia in the middle of it, but I couldn't tell what exactly it was. It must have been something that represented unity or something about all the elements as one, I suppose.

The two of us stood in front of the monstrous door in fearful silence it almost seemed. I stared at the door in frozen curiosity and nerves. I couldn't find strength within me to walk up to the door, and burst through it into the room.

This was it. I was finally going to be judged and hopefully pass. This would decide my fate whether I would find Zuko or I would have to wait the war out. I was either go to be accepted into the army with welcoming arms or I was going to have to wait out the war for most likely years on end in a cold and dark cell. I was going to have to be brave and show that I was not a traitor nor a spy in whatever manner I needed to. I had to prove I was innocent.

Jang faced me and looked a bit apologetic. He held out his hand, showing me some rope. "I'm sorry, but I have to tie your hands. It's protocol."

I smiled a little at him. It was alright; I totally understood. I really didn't expect them to let me tromp into the room without my hands completely unbound. "I understand, Jang." I held out my hands, wrists up, willingly.

He tied my hands securely in front of me, but not too tightly. Once he was done, he looked at me grimly and with determination clearly set into his face. He was ready for whatever I was going to have to face. I could tell he was going to be on my side for the entire ordeal and that he was going to help prove my innocence.

But was I ready to face judgment just as he was?

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yes."

Jang opened the door with low grunt, telling me it was heavy as I watched with anticipation. I fidgeted with the hem of my dress in nervousness and bit my lip ever so slightly. I rolled my wrists in a circle, rubbing the course rope against my skin. They would definitely be chaffed by the time this was all over. I stood close behind Jang from fear and waited for him to open the door all the way.

The door finally gave way, revealing a war room with maps scattered across a table and adorning the walls. Men were around the room, mostly guards. But there were two men at the table, mulling over a map. I assumed they were the two highest men in the ranks. One, who looked to be a bit young to be in command at such a grand army, had his head resting heavily on his hand while he gnawed on the end of a brush. He was fuming over a map with frustration clearly evident by the way he was sitting.

Jang walked in with his chest heaved out and his chin up high. He strutted in the way someone high up in the ranks would while I kept pace behind him, practically stepping on his heels. I practically clung to him for comfort. I had to keep myself from gripping the back of his shirt.

"Commander," he said bowing low at the waist. The two men, their attention caught by Jang, looked up.

My whole body froze at the sight of the two men. My throat felt like it was closing up, keeping any words from escaping. I couldn't help but gape at them. I couldn't believe my eyes. I must have been dreaming. It seemed as if the whole room were holding its breath along with me. No one said a word at all.

Jang stood up after a second or two. He gave me a confused look and glanced between me and his commanding officers, still not picking up on what was going on.

Then finally…one word escaped from one of the men.

"Katara…"

* * *

**A/N: Ok, does this chapter seem short to anyone else? Because it does to me. Idk maybe it's just because I wanted this chapter to be much longer, but I couldn't find anything else to add into it because all it was reall about was katara about to be judged. So...Yeah... Sorry if it sucks lol.**

**There's really not a lot to say about this chapter. I mean, it's a BIG cliff hanger, but I don't really have any commentries on it. Hmm... Let me think of something...**

**Oh! Yeah, a shoji (for those of you that don't know) is a traditional Japanese door. it's one of those that slides ad its made of paper. Or like bamboo. They are VERY fragile and delicate. **

**The Disney reference (the only one there) is from Pocahontas. If any of you have seen that movie and know the lyrics, you'll get it easily. lol**

**Dun dun dun! Who is the commander? I'm sure some of you already know by now. I didn't really make it hard, I guess. I don't know. Oh, well.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review! Thanks!**

**-Neon**


	13. Chapter 13

I was shaking. Breathless, but shaking nonetheless. I don't know if I was shaking from fear, nerves, or adrenaline. Whatever the source was, it didn't matter for I knew that those three, if not more, feelings were running rampant through me, each one fighting for control. But my confusion overtook every other emotion. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing. Nothing, but gape like a complete dullard.

He looked…the same. And yet…so different. What was different? With his fiery golden eyes wide open, I could clearly tell it was him. But no, it couldn't really be him. Could it? His hair was as ebony and inklike as it had been when we first met. It hung shaggy just as it had been when he first left. It seemed to have lost some of its body, but that really didn't matter. It still hung limply and flaccid, daringly poking into the vision of his eyes. His chin was as defiant as ever, but I could clearly see specks of stubble littered across his face. Oh, how his stubble made me swoon and my knees buckle…!

But even with all the physical evidence that it was him, it was hard to believe it so. It was hard to realize that I had actually done it. That I had actually found him. Even standing in front of him, merely a few yards away, felt so surreal. It felt unreal, as if I was in a dream, floating around on my cloud nine.

It felt so…so abnormal. It was as if my heart had rose up into my larynx and then dropped down through my stomach and intestines and finally lay lifeless in my bladder. But as I saw him for a little longer, as time passed by it seemed like it came back to its home; my chest. It was a weird sensation coursing throughout my entire body. Like I was shaken in my mind, body, and soul.

Finally seeing him after so long wasn't as I had hoped it would be nor how I had imagined it would be though. I had hoped he would be so overjoyed at the sight of me that he would instantly run towards me and swoop me up in his arms, gingerly placing kisses that felt like butterfly wings on my face. I had imagined that he would be startled, but also happy or relieved. I never had expected that he would simply stand in front of me with his eyes wide, gaping just as I was. It had crossed my mind, but I hadn't ever thought it would actually turn out to be his reaction!

My mouth became slightly ajar as if I was to say something, but nothing came out. It seemed as if my entire throat had closed up, taking my vocal cords to their doom. My throat was also dry and I couldn't form a syllable let alone a single word. I was afraid if I even tried to speak all that would come out was a croaking, gasping moan or wail.

I supposed Jang was as shocked and looked as dumbfounded as he and I did, but I couldn't know for sure. I could barely even see him. I was so focused on the man in front of me seemingly completely under my spell the second he saw me.

The air in the room was heavy and felt extremely thick, making it harder and harder to breathe. The temperature seemed to go up a few degrees, but maybe that was just me burning up from my increasing body temperature. Or maybe it was from him firebending subconsciously. Who knows?

"Katara…" he murmured again. "Wha-" he tried to say, but all he could completely make out was "Katara…" He said it over again, low and numbly as if he was under a spell. "Katara… Katara… Katara… Katara… Katara…"

I gulped at the sound of him repeating my name over and over again. It was an indescribable feeling pulsing through my body. It was different, old, strange, welcoming, rebuking, wonderful, spontaneous.

Jang seemed to finally snap out of his haze of confusion. "Sir," he said, grabbing his attention.

He seemed to struggle to take his eyes off me, but I never took my eyes off him.

"This is-" Jang said starting to explain, but he was cut off.

"Katara," he said firmly, confidently.

"Yes," I finally said. "It's-it's me, Zuko." I nodded subconsciously a little. His name tingled on my tongue, leaving a piercing feeling on the tip of my tongue as it bounced off.

He shook his head a little, trying to assess what all this meant. And to be honest, I wasn't quite sure either. I mean, I had thought, no, dreamt about this for months and months and what I was going to do once the moment arrived, now, standing in front of him, I didn't know what else to do. I was frozen, paralyzed, unwilling to move or think properly.

Jang looked, oh, so confused. His eyes were wide like mine and Zuko's were, but his eyebrows were bunched together. He kept shifting his eyes from me to Zuko.

"Why are you here?" he asked confused. He looked at me earnestly, searching for the truth.

I'm here…" I didn't really know what to say though. I'm here because I love you and I'm so totally and completely depressed without you? No way! He would think I was crazy. "I'm just a stupid girl and I don't know why I came here," I admitted as I felt tears prick my eyes. I chocked back a sob and ran out of the room, barely getting the door open.

In all honesty, as I stood before him, my mind went completely black. I couldn't remember why I was there besides to apologize. But I couldn't muster up the courage to apologize. I couldn't find the right words to convey what I felt properly. I wanted to apologize to him, but I couldn't. Not there. Not with Jang in front of us.

"Katara!" Zuko shouted after me.

I heard his trailing footsteps not far from my own padding down the earthen hallway. I tried to run away faster, hoping to find some place to be alone. Tears started to stream down my face, but I didn't really care anymore. I had known that this day would be full of tears and emotion so it wasn't like I was caught off guard.

"Wait!" he shouted. He quickly grabbed my wrist, halting my escape. He turned me around so that we were facing.

We were only a foot apart. It was a numbing distance. We were so close. It had been so long since I had been that close to him, and I yearned to be closer to him.

"Why are you here? What's going on? How do you know Jang? How did you get here? Did her come all by yourself? Where's Sokka?" Questions kept spilling out of his mouth, barely ceasing. He was out of breath by the time he stopped.

"I-I-I" I stumbled. I couldn't find the right words. I wanted to say I was dumb and stupid and such a dullard to let him go like that. That I wasn't thinking and I was better now and getting better. And that I was trying to get better and I wanted to fight again! But…though I could clearly and expressively say what I felt in my mind, I couldn't out loud.

I bit my lip and looked down, hoping he hadn't seen the tears flowing. I sniffled and then bravely gazed up at him. I had to say something sooner or later or he would walk away or say something before I got the chance to.

His golden eyes board into mine. He stared at me, urging me to say something, to get what was on my mind out into the open. He had lived with me long enough to know that I had to say something.

"I'm…" I meekly started. My lip quivered. I couldn't find a way to say just what I meant. "Zuko," I balled my hands into fists, and pulled them up to my face, "I'm sorry!" I yelled as I flung my hands down. "Ok? I'm sorry! I got in the way and it's my fault!" I looked at him. "I shouldn't have said any of those things!"

But he didn't meet my eyes like he had before. He had turned away, staring at the corner where the floor and wall meet.

"Listen, I know I was wrong. And that last time I saw you is still burned in the back of my mind! And it probably is the same for you. You gave me all your love and-" I gulped, taking a breath of courage. "And all I gave you was good- bye!"

He still held up untouched, stony persona.

"So you know what I'm doing now?" I paused, hoping he would answer me or just look my way. "This is me swallowing my pride, swallowing up my fear, standing in front of you!" I cried, releasing all my feelings. Tears flowed freely, and my heart swelled with intense pain. "I'm saying I'm sorry for that night! I'm sorry! I'm sorry… So sorry…"

A long, cascading silence descended upon us. After an endless amount of time, I shook my head, realizing that I had said my part. I couldn't control the situation anymore than I had already done. The ball was in his court. I had told him what was true, and now I was done. I had done what I had originally set out to do, and I had done just that. It was over.

I let out a depressed and disappointed sigh, knowing that Zuko didn't want to see me, and that I had hurt him beyond healing.

Another set of tears rolled out as I turned around. I took only a few steps when I heard what I supposed was the most miraculous sound in my life.

"You said… You said that you wanted me to go, and that you were through with my games. What changed?" I turned back to see Zuko. He was still gazing at the ground. "What made you want me back?"

I sighed, thinking for a moment. I had to choose my words carefully. Not because I had to lie, but because we were on dangerous grounds. And where we were at, it could potentially be the silence- for lack of better words- before the storm.

"It turns out," I stopped, bracing myself for more tears to fall. Just as I had predicted, tears cascaded down my cheeks yet again. "It turns out freedom… The freedom that I had thought would come from your departure was nothing, but missing you! And I'm so regretful that I thought that I would feel better once you left, but I was wrong! It left me nothing but more misery and pain. I was left with all that because I love you…

"I know that that sounds just a bit cheesy and maybe cliché, but it's true. And sometimes you can't express what you feel without using a line that's already been used. But that doesn't mean I don't love you any less because I love you. I love you so much." I shrugged a bit. "And let's face it…" A soft chuckle escaped and a tiny curve evolved from my frown. '"I love you' is cheesy and cliché." My face grew solemn and dour. "But there's no better way to say it. I love you, Zuko."

Those four words never felt more right on my tongue. They never felt more perfect as they rolled over my tongue and fell out. It felt so right; so good to me. I hoped that Zuko felt the same as I did. It felt as if it was the perfect ending to a perfect story, but I knew it wasn't the end of the story. It was far from.

He simply nodded numbly.

"But," I shrugged, understanding his silence a little better. "If the chain is on your door…" I let my head shake a bit. "I understand…"

"It's not."

I gazed up at him, staring wildly up into his honey, gold eyes. I scanned through everything that had just happened, making sure that I had heard right. Making sure he said, "It's not."

"What?" I gaped.

Zuko finally looked upon me; I could see clearly that tears had fallen. His golden eyes glistened in the deep, ethereal lights of the rebel army base. His hair hung limply, and boldly contrasted with his pale complexion. His lips held firm and steady.

"It's not. I still love you. Nothing could change that."

I gasped. It was nothing I had expected and nothing short of disappointment. I was overjoyed at the sound of his voice, the sound of him saying that he loved me. As I had said before, it felt so right for me to say those small words with such a big meaning, but… When he said them, where we were standing, after what had just happened, and after all that had happened over the past months, it made tears fall from my eyes. I didn't bother to wipe them away.

He reached forward and wrapped his lean arms around me.

I shook in his arms. It felt so different, so anew to be held by him. It was hard to within hold my tears. It made me to really just cry into his chest with all that I had because I was so happy and so filled with emotion. I could barely contain it.

He kissed my cheek and my jaw bone while I nuzzled my head in his neck, taking his ashy, timber wood smell. "I'm sorry I left, Katara. I shouldn't have. I should've known better than to leave you when you so desperately needed me. I'm sorry," he apologized.

I shook my head. "No, don't be. It was my fault and I'm sorry for that. Could you ever forgive me?" I asked.

"There's nothing to forgive, Katara," he said, holding me out at arm's length. He looked me up and down, taking me in bit by bit. It had been so long since we had seen each other. "Oh, my sweet, Katara," he said, bringing me in to his chest again. "I love you so."

And at that, his last statement, I burst into tears. I clung tightly to him, my fingers curled strongly on his shirt. "I've missed you so much, Zuko!" I cried, holding tighter to him. I felt that if I loosened my grip on him just a little, he would instantly float away from me or that if he loosened his arms around me I would disappear. "Please," I sobbed. "Please don't let go of me! Don't let me go," I whimpered, pleading with him. "Please…Zuko, I've missed you so much; please don't let go."

"Shhh…shhh…" he hushed into my hair. "It's alright. I'm here. It'll be alright."

But I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop my pathetic sobs or cries. I couldn't. I had been holding them back for nearly a year, and now that they were out, I couldn't stop them even if I wanted to. But I didn't want to. I wanted to cry, to cry my heart out.

And that's what I did.

"I'm here," he soothed. He kept me held in his arms tightly and securely and he led me towards the wall. He gently eased me down with him so that we were sitting on the floor. He picked me up quite easily and cradled me like a baby on his lap while I continued to cry.

"I don't ever want to lose you again, Zuko," I whimpered.

"No," he said, "you won't ever. Never again will you. I won't leave you again," he promised.

I heard footfalls growing louder and louder, getting closer to us. I felt a flush of embarrassment in my cheeks, but I pushed my shame away. It didn't matter anymore. I felt Zuko shake his head.

"Now's not the best of times," he warned softly.

Who was standing before him? I hoped it wasn't Jang. I didn't want him to see me in such a broken and vulnerable state. I wanted to know who it was, but I didn't dare take a peek. My fear of it being Jang held me back.

The footsteps became softer and they echoed down the hallway. Soon enough, I couldn't hear them at all. All that there was around us was silence and that was all I wanted beside the velvet voice of the man holding me dearly in his arms.

Surprisingly, I didn't quiet down. If anything, I cried even harder. I barely let up, in fact. My chest heaved in and out heavy and shaking sobs that came from my heart. I shook uncontrollably in his arms, but he simply held me tighter.

"You know, for one so small, you seem to be so strong," he said through my sobs. "I never thought you'd have enough strength and courage to venture all the way out here to find me, of all people," he whispered complimentary. "But my arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm anyways."

"Please…" I whispered, but it was more of a moan than anything. "Don't leave me…"

"Don't worry," he promised. "This bond between us can't be broken. I'll be here."

For some reason, I don't know why, I cried harder at that. I knew he was telling the truth, and that was what practically broke my heart. I felt so much pain inside myself and I just wanted release from it all. Knowing that he was finally with me and he was going to help me, never let me go, was heart retching for some reason. I can't explain it, but it was.

I don't know how long I was in his arms crying, but it felt like an eternity. It felt as if I would die of dehydration from crying so much. I started to feel weak and achy in my bones and joints. I didn't want to get up and the weariness I felt was excuse enough to simply lay in his arms until night fell.

Perhaps night had already fallen; I wasn't sure. All I cared about was that I was finally with Zuko. I had finally achieved my goal. I had finally told him I was sorry and I was so yearning for his forgiveness or at least his understanding. I didn't care that I was wasting so much time crying when I could have been explaining, but I couldn't stop the tears from falling and I honestly didn't care.

I had held in my tears for almost a year. Maybe more than a year. It was finally time to let it out. Zuko and I had reconciled and my battle was pretty much over. I wasn't going to give up, no, but I was at least going to give myself a rest and let things cool down. I was going to let myself be free of this pain and sorrow and grief that had been so tightly clinging to my heart.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, so I feel like I got this chapter out really late. Maybe I did. I'm not sure. I've only been home for like...1 1/2 days so far because I was at camp all last week, so I'm still like really behind on a lot of things like cleaning, writing, my school work, my library books that I either need to return or pick up, proofreading for a friend. Just a whole bunch of stuff, so I haven't had time to check how long it's been since I've update this story or really write at all except for today, and I probably wouldn't have started today if my friend hadn't been like "Start writing again today! You're gonna start first thing!" lol**

**So, if it is late, I'm so sorry. I would have definately gotten it out sooner if I had the chance.**

**Another thing, I feel like this chapter didn't really go anywhere. I mean, yeah, of course, Katara finally apologized and got our her feelings and finally cried, but I mean, other than that, nothing. I don't really like it so much. I'm not sure where to go with it now. I mean, like I know what's going to happen in the future, but nothing really in the middle. What's happened is I will write scenes that are supposed to happen later in the story, and I've used all of them up except for a small one like two paragraphs longer where Zuko and Katara are hugging or whatever and like two others after the main battle at the end of the story so...See my delema? **

**Did I spell that right?**

**Anyways, I'm just warning you that it will probably be a long time before the next chapter is out. It not take a long time, but seriously, don't hold your breath. **

**Ok, anyone catch the reference? Yes, yes, I used lyrics from a song periodically. It's from Tarzan. I made Zuko say some of the lyrics from You'll Be In My Heart. Don't get mad or whatever at how much I used the lyrics. I am by no means trying to pass it off as my own. **

**Alright, with those things set out of the way, I'd like to say thank you fo your wonderful reviews and for reading it. Thank you!**

**-Neon**


	14. Chapter 14

The world around me was nothing. Nothing but a pitch haze; I felt as if I was floating around in the vacant space. And shining brightly through that pitch haze was a star. Or what appeared to be a star. It shone brighter than the sun itself. As the star grew closer and closer, I realized and saw that it wasn't a star. It was Zuko.

And that's how I saw him.

He was my star. He helped guide me through my toughest times and sometimes become invisible when the need be. He had been invisible for nearly half a year now and then he suddenly and almost unexpectedly became visible.

I didn't want him to ever become invisible to me again. I wasn't sure if I could handle going through that again; I was such a heavy heart. I had so much to deal with I didn't know if I could handle being stripped from him again. But…I didn't want him to be the only thing holding me together, the only thing holding me up.

Oh, if only I wasn't such a heavy heart. If only I was a normal teenage girl with normal teenage problems. And not a girl who had to worry about winning the war and defeating the Fire Lord while also trying to defeat the darkness inside her soul as well. I wanted to be a girl who didn't have to deal with fighting a battle within herself. Life would have so much simpler if I hadn't been so depressed.

If I wasn't so troubled and depressed and so heavy then I would've been able to carry myself. I wouldn't have had to rely on others. It was an unfair burden for the people I knew, and I knew that. I didn't want them to carry me, and I was sorry that they had to. It wasn't fair that they had to help me along in life, but I wasn't sure if I could carry myself.

"I'm sorry I'm such a heavy heart to carry," I suddenly burst out, crying into his chest even harder. Why was I such a mess? Why was I such a burden to carry? "I don't know why I am. I'm sorry I always cause problems! I don't mean to weigh you down!" I clung to his tunic, too afraid to let go as if even loosening my grip would send me spiraling away from him. I gritted my teeth and cried harder.

"Shhh…" I heard him hush. "You don't weigh me down. Don't think you're ever too much of a burden to carry. I won't drop you ever again," he reassured.

"No, don't." I shook my head. "You don't have to. It's not your problem."

"I signed up for whatever you have going on in your life when I said "I love you" a year back in the crystal catacombs. Your problems are my problems." He lifted my chin with his index finger and reached down. He wiped away my tears and smiled. "There. That's better."

He gripped my face in his hands. "I'll be by your side, Katara; wherever you fall, wherever you call, I'll be there for you," he promised, staring straight into my eyes, telling me he wasn't lying and that he would fulfill his vow no matter what.

My heart started to squeeze with love and passion for the man holding me even more so. His words meant so much to me. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it felt amazing to hear someone say that to me. It felt like I was cared for.

I forced a smile and curled my head closer into his shoulder. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath with content. I was at peace. I was happy. I didn't want the moment to end. I had dreamed of being like this for so long, and now it had finally come true.

I had found Zuko.

I had never been happier and content with what was happening in the world around us. It didn't matter that there was war and hatred and pain and suffering. For the moment, for the small moment that we shared, we were together.

The Fire Prince tilted my head up. Our faces were mere centimeters apart. My breathing came out rapid and anxious. We both leaned in, urging our lips to meet. A fire consumed me, and I felt as if I had been struck by lightning, but my brisk heartbeat told me that I was all too alive. And for once in so long, I felt alive.

We finally broke apart for lack of breath, but we didn't totally disconnect from each other. We still held one another in our arms and stayed sitting on the earthen floor.

Slowly I was starting to drift into sleep, letting my head fall and then rise back up. I could barely keep my eyes open, but I finally gave into my pleading for sleep.

Barely connected to my surroundings, I felt warm hands, Zuko's, gingerly and delicately untie the rope around my wrists. I barely, through the hazy fog of encroaching sleep, wondered why he hadn't untied them earlier. But that did matter because I was already wrapping my arms around his neck, trying to be as close to him as possible. I felt him stand up, gripping me strongly in his arms.

We walked down the hallways for quite some time because by the time I had been laid in a bed, I was already dead to the world. I had already let myself slip blissfully into sleep.

I awoke the next morning in shock. When my eyes first fluttered open, I expected myself to be in my own bed at the beach house. I expected to see the bright and soft red and burgundies of the Fire Nation. I expected to hear Sokka trying to cook breakfast. But when I heard no clatter of dishes or a yelp from my brother, my heart plummeted into the pit of my stomach. I felt an awful pang in my chest that didn't go away so easily.

I was in a moderately sized room instead. The walls were made completely out of earth, which was expected, of course. There were small vents along the bottoms on the walls no bigger than my fist. There was a fireplace with ash and smoldered wood across from the door. I was in a bed mat in the middle of the room.

After realizing I may not be with Sokka, I was with Zuko, I slowly felt better at that thought. I wasn't completely alone anymore. And that left a smile on my face.

It was an odd feeling to have a smile on my face a little after I awoke. I usually got out of bed with a frown or a scowl evident on my features. It was a different feeling, but it wasn't rebuked.

I flipped the blanket off my legs and stood up. I stood with my hands on my hips for awhile, scanning the room. I wasn't sure what I was looking for or why I was even searching for something, but I just was.

After finding nothing, of course, I looked at my toes. I wiggled them in their socks and then sat back down on my mat. I leaned _way _over across the mat and grabbed my shoes. I dragged my shoes over to my feet and pulled them on. I was in _such _a lazy mood for some reason.

I walked to the door and lightly pushed on it, expecting it to give way pretty easily. I pretty much slammed into it since it was so heavy.

"Ow…" I moaned and rubbed my shoulder. _Let's hope this doesn't mark the rest of the day as a bad one. _I pushed harder on the door, but it still didn't budge. Not even an inch. I fumed and studied the door, setting my hands on my hips.

Was it locked or something?

I tried again, using more of my strength than before. Same result. I tried once more. Same result. I tried again and again, but received the exact same result, a slam in the shoulder. I finally gave up, accepting that it was locked. I let out a defeated sigh and sat back down on my mat.

Why was the door locked? Who locked it anyways? Why would there be a _need_ for the door to be locked? I mean, I wasn't a threat, right? And they knew it. Or at least Zuko and Jang knew I wasn't. But wasn't Zuko the one to put me in this room? Why would he lock the door?

_Did he lock the door to keep me from wondering around? _I questioned myself. _I wonder…_

I sighed again and realized that someone would come for me sooner or later, either Zuko or Jang. It didn't really matter. All that I really wanted was a familiar face as opposed to the blank and bleak walls of my room. Or even someone I could talk to would be suffice since it was rather boring being all alone like that.

I lay down on my mat, letting my back relax and I felt it pop in a few places. I stretched my arms high above my head and twisted my wrists in circles. I went limp, not really caring at all about anything for a moment.

For just a moment, I seemed to be content. It was amazing how much crying can help. I never thought that crying could do something for you. I never thought it could actually make you feel better. I had always thought- after Aang died, that is- that crying was a sign of weakness. That it showed that you weren't strong enough to hold in your emotions. But…now, it seemed to be more of a sign of strength rather than weakness.

It almost showed how strong you were if you cried. In a good way though. I mean, it showed and proved that you were strong enough and brave enough not let your tears be a hindrance to you. It showed that you were breaking, but you were alright with it in a sense, that you knew you needed help and you didn't want to hide it. That you weren't ashamed of it.

And I guess that's what everyone needed to be- not ashamed of their pain. They shouldn't wear it as a badge or hold it high like a trophy, but be alright with it. To know that it's a normal human flaw that everyone has. That everyone experiences pain and suffering and, at one point or another in their life, brokenness. It was just something that we all had to go through as humans. It wasn't something to be ashamed of.

Perhaps on this trip I had learned more than I expected. Perhaps all that had happened in over a year was meant to happen. Perhaps it was to help me endure something far more tragic and painful. Maybe the loss of Aang and then Zuko happened so that I could be prepared for something far greater. Or maybe it was just to build my strength. But…who knows? Only time would tell if this was the silence before the storm or simply the storm as I had presumed it to be from the very first day.

Before I knew it, a knock on the door echoed through the small room that confined me. I sat up a little alarmed and unsure of what to do. I couldn't open the door; I had already tried that. Was I to yell "Come in?" and whoever- hopefully Zuko- would come in? Oh, well, it was worth a try.

"C-come in!" my voice croaked out. I cringed at how raw and coarse my voice sounded. My throat felt dry and chalky.

The door opened with a grinding sound as it scrapped across the floor. I cringed at the sound and stood up, ready to greet whoever was at the door. I brushed my burgundy skirt off, hoping to push off all the dust and dirt that had collected over the last few months.

Zuko stood in the door way, peeking his head into the room. "Katara?" he called out softly.

I gaped for a moment from where I was standing. For a moment I was surprised to see him again. I ambled in front of him. "Hi," I greeted.

He lifted up his hand to say "hi" back. "May I come in?" he asked politely and cautiously.

I gulped a little and nodded. I backed away from the door, allowing him to enter.

He took a few tentative steps in. "How are you doing?" he asked carefully as if the slightest sound or movement would send me crashing to the floor and break like a china doll.

I nodded my head though I wasn't really sure it was the truth. Was I really alright? Or was I just nodding my head to bring at ease? Or perhaps to bring myself at ease? But how far would lies go to ease myself?

He grimly bit his lip, staring me hard in the eyes.

I gazed at him helplessly, feeling a door swinging open inside of me and darkness filling in the spaces and brimming over. I thought I felt tears start to prickle my eyes. I looked down suddenly, not sure if tears would fall.

He walked forward to me cautiously but with confidence. He rested a hand on my shoulder and hooked his finger underneath my chin. He gently eased my face up, making me look into his eyes.

I felt warmth flood into me just from his eyes giving me strength. It was reassuring and it made me feel like I could make it through anything. Even this pain and darkness shrouding my mind.

"Hey," Zuko said softly. "It's alright."

And I knew it was by the look in his eyes. It was alright even if it hadn't been alright. It was going to be alright, and I was going to make sure it ended well. And even though his words were simple, they meant so much. They brought strength and courage to me just from that simple promise.

I gulped and nodded, still feeling like I was going to cry. But I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry again. It hadn't even been a whole day since the last time I'd cried. I was sure that if I cried yet again, Zuko would see me as desperate, that I was too damaged to even try to repair.

Though I didn't really think he would see me as that, those kinds of thoughts kept creeping into my mind, hiding in the shadows of my doubts. It was hard to keep them from going away, and if they were gone for a moment, I knew they'd be back within the next day.

My lip quivered much to my disappointment and my breath came out shaky. A small whimper escaped and I pressed my forehead against Zuko's chest. I squeezed my eyes shut.

He wrapped his arms around me tightly, hugging me to him. His grip around me was tight, but also comforting. He held me close, making me feel like there was nothing else in the world besides the two of us.

But I knew that wasn't true.

There was someone else that was prodding at my heart, fighting for attention. Someone I wasn't as close to, but I felt like I had a deep connection to. And as hard as I tried to, I couldn't shake his face from my mind. Why did he keep popping up like that in my mind?

Why was I feeling like I was so torn? Why was I feeling like I had to pick a side? A side with Zuko or Jang? It wasn't like I loved Jang, no. I loved Zuko. But still… Why did I feel like that?

I shifted my head to the left. I looked wearily, deep in thought, at the ground.

I felt like I was betraying Zuko by thinking such thoughts. But I wasn't. I wasn't at all. I hadn't committed anything that was harmful to Zuko. I hadn't developed feelings for Jang other than a friendship nor had I kissed him, so there was nothing wrong? Right? I wasn't in love with someone else and having an affair, so I was alright. Right?

Exactly.

Zuko was the direction I followed and he would be the only man for me. There was not going to be another one. It was him. Only him. Because every time we kissed, every time we hugged, every time he talked to me I couldn't think straight. And that was alright. It was just fine.

I couldn't think of anyone else, alive or dead, that made me feel like. I couldn't find anyone that could take my breath away just by one look. I couldn't, no, I wouldn't find anyone else that could make me go weak in the knees or give me comfort just by one look.

He was the only one, and it took me so long to finally realize it, but the journey was worth it.

* * *

**A/N: Hey! Ok, I think this chapter may be a little short. I don't know. Does it feel that way to you guys? **

**Anyways, there really isn't a whole to talk about in this chapter. Um... This chapter was really just a...oh, what's the word...trial? Test? Sure, a test for Katara. This is kind of hard to explain, but she's in the middle stage between healing completely and being depressed. It's hard to explain, but if you've ever been depressed before you should understand. But she's struggling with the fact that she should be happy, but it's so hard to let go and be actually and genuinely happy. It's a hard transition. Believe me, it is. And so she's got a lot of mixed thoughts about being sad and angry and unhappy and about being happy and living life to the fullest and letting go and moving on. Does that make sense? I hope so...**

**Please review! Thanks!**

**-Neon**


	15. Chapter 15

"What time is it?" I murmured.

He pulled away from me, breaking our hug. "It's almost time for breakfast. The men are already in the dining room." He looked at me expectantly. "Do you want to come?"

With the thought of food in my mind, my stomach rumbled. I hadn't had anything to eat for awhile. I nodded my head eagerly.

Zuko reached for my hand a bit timidly, but he still took it nonetheless. His hand was rough and calloused and felt very coarse against my own palm. He led me out of the room, closing the door shut behind us. He walked down the hallways, me following suit.

"Where do you go after breakfast?" I asked.

"We proceed onto training," he replied.

I nodded my head, taking in his words one by one. But…how did he come to so much power? How did he even join the army? What happened after he left? Where did he go? "Zuko?" I called.

"Yes?" he answered, looking at me.

"How did you join the army? I mean, how did all of this happen? What happened after you left?" I asked.

He stopped walking and faced me. "It's…" He took a breath. "It's a long story." He turned around and started walking again, but I caught his hand. He was hiding something, and I wanted to know what it was.

"Will you tell me?" I inquired.

He looked at me, staring into my eyes. He twisted his hand around until he was gripping my hand. "Another time, Katara. Later," he promised.

I pursed my lips and bunched my eyebrows together. What did that mean? I didn't understand and wasn't sure if "another time" would come, but I nodded my head nonetheless. "Alright."

We continued walking and finally arrived in the dining hall. Soldiers had already taken seats at the tables, but there were many others still trying to get into the room. We took our place at the back of the line. After a few minutes, we got into the dining room and found a seat. We ate breakfast in pretty much silence, but that was alright. After that, we left for the training room.

The training room wasn't really a room. To be more accurate, it was more of an arena. There was a giant circle in the middle of the room drawn in chalk or paint. Whatever it was, it was fading probably due to soldiers practicing and sparring in it time after time. The ceiling was a bit low, but then again, a giant ceiling would have been unnecessary.

I stopped in the doorway. "How long do you usually train?" I asked, looking around the room.

Zuko was at the other end of the room, pulling his shirt off. "Until dinner if there are no interruptions," he explained. He draped his shirt on the chair, and I gaped at him. His chest had been sculpted to perfection from hours after hours of training. He was far from out of shape, but he had scars marking his torso. There were at least seven that I could trace with my eyes even from so many meters away.

_Those weren't there before. _

Seeing his scars worried me. Before he left, his chest was clean and unmarred. There were no blemishes at all. What had happened after he left? Where had he been?

I continued to stare at his scars until my train of thought was broken by the sound of footsteps. I turned around and saw many soldiers walking into the room. I moved to the side, but then decided to go over to Zuko. I ambled across the room and stood beside him.

I watched the many soldiers come into the room, one after another. How many men were in the army? I didn't recognize any of them. They all seemed to look similar with their black and brown hair and army uniform, but suddenly one stuck out.

I saw Jang walk into the room among all the other men. I gulped and watched him, though I wanted so desperately to pry my eyes away.

His face turned to me and I froze. This wasn't how I wanted to see him again. I didn't want to look at him in shame and I didn't want him to look at me as if had betrayed his loyalty and trust. But… I _had_ betrayed his trust. I had lied to him about everything.

I grimaced, feeling tears start to form in my eyes. I pressed my lips together and squeezed my eyes shut as if I was looking away from a gruesome death. I might as well have been. I turned my head away from him, not wanting him to see the expression on my face. I took a deep breath which was more of a sigh than anything and opened my eyes, but they were really only half open, and I kept my gaze to the floor.

I should've walked over to him and asked to speak with him. I shouldn't have been a coward. I should've said something.

"Can I talk with you?" I heard someone ask. I lifted my head up and nearly jumped with surprise.

Jang was standing in front of me! And he wanted to talk with me! This was probably going to be the only chance I got to speak with Jang being willing to listen and understand.

I gulped and nodded. I turned to Zuko and said to him, "I'll be back in a minute."

He nodded his understand, and I offered a small smile to him as a thank you. I faced Jang and asked, "Do you want to talk outside?" I mentally slapped myself.

What a stupid question! Of course, he wanted to take it outside! He wasn't going to ask me why I lied about whom I was and why I seemed so shaken and unstable when I saw Zuko in front of the entire army! If he did he clearly had some courage. That or no shame.

"Yeah," he replied barely above a whisper. It was clear he was uncomfortable about the whole ordeal, and I didn't blame him. He wasn't really meeting my eyes a whole lot of times, but he occasionally took a glance at me, keeping his head down, but lifting his eyes up just enough to look me in the eye.

We walked past all the other soldiers, brushing up against their shoulders on accident as we tried to get outside the training room. They looked at us suspiciously and with curiosity, a combination that doesn't sit well within one's stomach.

And, of course, my stomach began to twist around, tying itself into a knot of anxiety and fear. Though those emotions were coursing within me, I was also full of adrenaline. I felt jittery almost, shaky due to it. I wasn't sure if my adrenaline rush was going to work out to my benefit, but either way, I was going to tell Jang the truth, and I was more than ready to.

We left the room and stood a ways from the door, giving us space from the others. I leaned against the wall and wrapped my arms around myself, feeling a chill run up my spine. I looked down at the ground and then moved my attention to Jang.

He was standing in front of me, but was barely looking at me still. He finally sighed and looked up at me. His grey eyes were so full of sadness and betrayal and confusion as if he had no idea what was going on. But in reality, he didn't really.

"Your name isn't really On Ji, is it?" he asked in a low voice, trying to keep the conversation to ourselves.

I gulped and looked down, ashamed of myself. I felt awful for lying like that and I wanted to apologize, but I didn't want to go through another emotional apology like the night before. I didn't really want to cry my heart out again and especially not in front of Jang. It wasn't that I didn't feel something for him; I liked him as a friend. I just didn't feel comfortable doing that with him.

"No," I whispered. I lifted my head up bravely, my lip quivering. "My name is Katara."

He nodded numbly. "Yeah, I gathered that last night," he said. "How do… how do you know Zuko? He's not… he's not your boyfriend…is he?"

"Yes, he is. I came here to apologize and tell him I was sorry." I shook my head. "I never really came to join the army."

"Are you even a waterbender? How do I even know you're telling the truth?" He looked at me almost angrily. "How do you know Zuko? How do I know you're telling the truth now?"

I felt tears start to form in my eyes. I hated knowing that I had lied to him. "Jang, I'm sorry!" I apologized. "I didn't mean to lie to you; I just-"

He interrupted me. "You didn't mean to lie?" he asked, his voice rising in volume.

"I didn't want to lie!" I defended, starting to shout as well. "I _never_ wanted to lie to you! I wanted to tell you," I pleaded, hoping he would understand. "I wanted to tell you! I wanted to tell you everything!" I shook my head, saying, "But I couldn't. I just couldn't. I didn't know if Zuko would be in the army, and so I didn't want to risk telling you, a complete stranger."

"But you lied to me nonetheless," he reminded. "I trusted you. I trusted you, and you turned around and lied to me."

I bit my lip. "I know I did, and I'm so sorry for lying to you."

"You can't honestly expect me to believe, can you?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I don't. I just- I'm sorry for lying to you, Jang."

"Why did you even lie?"

"I couldn't tell you the real reason. I couldn't tell you my real name or why I was really trying to get to the army. You would have thought of me as a spy." I looked at him, pleading for him to understand. "But I wanted to tell you! I wanted to tell you so badly. I wanted to tell you everything, but I _just _couldn't risk telling you."

He gazed at me for awhile. "Risk telling what?"

"Why I'm out here. Why I went for Zuko," I explained vaguely. I wasn't about to explain the _entire _story to Jang. I felt a sob rise up into my throat, but I chocked it back. Two tears slid down from my eyes, leaving two watery trails down my cheeks.

"How do you even know Zuko?"

I sighed and drew my lips into a thin line. "It's a long story, and I'm sure you wouldn't really be interested in hearing it once I got it started." I knew that was another lie. It was flat out a lie, and I knew it. I just didn't want to tell him about it all. It _was _a long story. And it also was a very and heart wrenching story. I was afraid that as soon as I started I would begin to cry.

He looked at me condescendingly. "Try me."

I sighed again and nodded, gulping down a limp in my throat. "Alright, but you may want to sit down," I suggested. I slid down, my back scraping against the wall.

Jang nodded his head once and then sat down beside me.

I pulled my knees close to my body, clutching them against myself. I hugged them dearly, feeling as if I was alone in a big, dark room. My knees felt boney and knobby and my claves felt skinny. Much skinnier. Perhaps I was too skinny, but that didn't matter. There were more important things at hand.

I gazed at the ground hard, trying to remember when things started exactly and how to start off. My eyebrows knitted together. "It was two years ago," I started. "I was living in the South Pole at the time with my brother and Gran-Gran. My brother and I went to fish in this pitiful, little canoe he had built just a month prier," I chuckled and continued on with the story.

I took me about an hour to get to the Great Battle. Zuko didn't come out looking for me, but I didn't expect him to. He knew I had some things to clear up. Jang listened intently and hardly interrupted. He asked a few question now and then at confusing and intricate parts that I had stumbled a little at explaining.

It felt…good and yet so strange to be telling that story. My story. It felt almost surreal to be explaining what had happened over the past two years of my life in such a manner. It felt almost as if the whole journey, the whole story was over, but I knew it was far from. I was nowhere near being close to ending the story.

"I was pacing back and forth inside the crystal prison," I said. I had already reached the part where I was prisoner in the crystal catacombs. "There was no light, except from the crystals, but that was only a dim green light." I shrugged.

"I remember hearing a rumbling sound that came from the entrance. The boulder that blocked any escape began to levitate and I could see three silhouettes. One was earthbending the boulder, while another was holding the third by the arms. He pushed the captive down into the catacombs with me.

The man came into view once he was at my feet on his hands and knees. His inclined his head up to meet my gaze, and I gasped." I took a deep breath, remember, oh, so vividly that day. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, engulfing myself in the memory of what I suppose was one of the best days of my life, yet also the worst. Funny how life plays out, isn't it?

_I stare hard at him, hatred and angry invisibly piercing him. I cross my arms and almost sneer at him, but I catch myself before I do. I stomped away from him, much to heated to say anything to the Prince. I hear the ruffle of clothing against the earth floor and take a glance at my enemy behind me; he turned around, his back facing me. _

"_Humph," I say, feeling prejudice bite at me with sharp, long fangs. I uncross my arms and hang them at my sides. My fingers curl up into fists. I wrinkle my nose and eyebrows in irritation._

_How can I be stuck in such a situation? How can I be trapped, a victim along with Zuko? The Fire Nation Prince? How can this be?_

_He isn't supposed to be held captive. He is supposed to be holding people captive. He isn't supposed to be condemned to this state like I seem to be constantly in. It just isn't his role. _

But…are the roles switching?_ I think._

_I spin swiftly around. I glare daggers at his back, feeling the hope that he will collapse, dead, prickle up my spine. "Why did they throw you in here?" I snarl. _

_Zuko turned his head even farther away from me, infuriating me even more and making it seem as if he was ashamed of something, but I can see through it. I can sense that he's really just in on some sort of plan. That this whole ordeal is merely a trap for Aang. _

_I turn around, not wanting to see his pacifistic form. "Oh, wait," I say, "let me guess. It's trap, so that when Aang comes to rescue me, you can finally have him in your little Fire Nation clutches!" I swiftly spin around to him again, my hands drawn out like claws. I bite my lip, telling myself to cool down a little. I don't want to get out of control, acting much like a firebender. _

"_You're an awful person, you know that?" I ask quietly, recalling the last few months of my life being made a personal hell thanks to Zuko. I shake my head. "Always following us, hunting the Avatar. Don't you see what that does to a person?" I ask to no one in particular._

"_Does it matter if I do or not?" Zuko asks rudely all of a sudden._

_Anger burns red hot inside me all over again. "But what do you care?" I yell at him, not caring at all about my anger anymore. "You're the Fire Lord's son!" I shout at him. "Spreading war and violence and hatred is in your blood!" _

"_You don't know what you're talking about," he defends and stands up, facing me finally. "You think you know e_xactly _what you're talking about, but you don't! You have no idea!" he shouts back at me, hitting a pressure point in me._

_I feel a pang in my heart, an old wound being cut open once again. "I don't? How dare you!" I hiss. "You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally!" I feel tears start to well up in my eyes, so I turn from him, not wanting him to see me crying. Not wanting him to see my weakness. I clung to the pendant around my neck. "The Fire Nation took my mother away from me," I say quietly as two tears slid down my cheeks._

_A silence descends upon us, but I'm glad for it. It gives me a break from my anger and time to calm myself._

"_I'm sorry," Zuko says, breaking the fragile silence. I almost snap at him, for how can _he _have empathy for me? What does he know about heart ache and the loss of a loved one? "That's something we have in common," he added._

_I pause, my mouth agape. I quickly wipe the tears and face him. "What?" I ask, my eyebrows furrowed. _

_He takes a few steps closer to me, leaving only a few feet between us. _

_I reel back, afraid of what he is to do. I don't have my flask or any sort of weapon to defend myself. I was going to have to rely on my own strength which is no match for the trained Prince if he was to attack me. _

_I study him, intently watching his movements and facial expressions, hoping to catch something that can tip me off to what he was planning to do._

"_My mother was taken away as well," he explain, "when I was a young boy."_

_I gulp. "I'm sorry," I apologize, feeling ashamed for how I accused him wrongly. "I'm sorry for yelling at you," I add._

_Zuko shrugs. "It doesn't matter. I know why you did, and I would if I were in your shoes."_

_I blink at him. He understands what I'm going through? He understands my feelings of anger and hatred for him? How can that be? _

_If he is my enemy, should he not be blind to what he's doing to me and what he has done? Shouldn't he not care even if he knows for he has been hardened to it and calloused? How can he stand in front of me and say he understands? _

_Unless…he is no longer my enemy? _

_Can that be possible? _

_Perhaps._

"_It's just that for so long now," I admit, trying to open up to him, "whenever I would imagine the face of the enemy, it was your face, but…" I pause, biting my lip. I look earnestly at him. "You're not really my enemy anymore, are you?"_

_I know the question was a little far-fetched, but I need to know. I need to know if he really did change, if he really wasn't after Aang anymore. If he is really lost and confused and possibly seeking redemption and forgiveness from us._

_He looks at me, staring into my eyes with his blazing gold ones. "No."_

* * *

**A/N: Oooooo! Cliff hanger! Well, kind of lol. Alright, let's get down to business!...to defeat the huns! Lol, sorry. I'm kind of a Disney nut if you haven't noticed already!**

**I feel like this chapter took WAY too long to get out. I had a writers' block so that's why it didn't come out as quickly as I had hoped. Plus, it may take longer for the next chapters because I am now in high school! I am already pretty freakin busy with homework so it may take longer than I would like. I'm terribly sorry! I really am!**

**This chapter didn't really have a lot in it. I mean, I feel like it's short. Like REALLY short for some reason. Does it seem like that to you? **

**Anyways, this chapter was pretty important. Katara apologizes with Jang and tries to clue him in! The next chapter will have the moment you all have been waiting for! What really should've happened in the crystal catacombs! That's all I'm going to tell you! Aaaaand soemthing big happens also! (Not just what happens in the flashback) I'm excited!**

**Well, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, because I had a lot of fun writing it. Especially the flashback sequence! So please review! Thanks!  
-Neon**


	16. Chapter 16

_I know the question was a little far-fetched, but I need to know. I need to know if he really did change, if he really wasn't after Aang anymore. If he is really lost and confused and possibly seeking redemption and forgiveness from us._

_He looks at me, staring into my eyes with his blazing gold ones. "No."_

_I gulp at his statement, swallowing it down slowly and precisely. I feel as if I am outside of my body, as if I am numb and asleep all at the same time, watching from a distance this enchanting dream. I can't believe my ears. I didn't ever expect him to say something like that. I don't think he's telling the truth; in fact, I doubt him just a little, but I know in my stomach, I have this gut feeling that he is telling the truth. _

"_No," I repeat, feeling comfort from hearing myself say it and feeling it dance off the tip of my tongue. I shake my head and chuckle wryly. "You don't really expect me to believe you, do you?" I stare up at him, into his eyes, seeking for the truth. The, oh, so hidden truth._

"_No, I don't, but...I want you to because I don't want to fight you anymore. You or the Avatar. I don't want to. Not now, not ever. I want to join you and teach the Avatar firebending."_

_I glare at him. "And why would you? After all he's all you need to reclaim your country, your throne, your _honor_," I spit the last word out as if it were the vilest curse I know because I know how deeply he yearns for his honor. He told me himself, in fact. His honor means everything to him. _

"_I don't care," he defends, taking a step towards me, and I gape at him. _

_He doesn't care? How can he not care? Ugh! How long is he going to keep this charade up? _

"_You don't have any reason to give up hunting for Aang! You don't have any reason to try to join us!" I shout at him, taking somewhat of a waterbending stance. If he is planning to attack me then he is not going to catch me totally off guard. _

_He grits his teeth and looks away. He gazes back at me and says, "Of course, I do," he firmly states. He reaches out for me, his arm wrapping around my waist. He pulls me in to him and kisses me in one swift motion. His lips gently fall upon mine in a bittersweet caress. _

_I taste salty sweat and smoke from his lips, but I feel warmth and passion. He tastes both bitter and sweet. Much like cinnamon. My lips tingle with the sensational feeling. _

_I have been kissed before, but never like this. Never with someone other than Aang. Aang was my first kiss, but I begin to wish that Zuko was my first kiss. That _this _was my first kiss. _

_It was so special and romantic. It was so unforeseen. Just like heaven and earth are to meet. Unforeseen and beautiful. Full of emotion and passion and…love…_

_It dawns on me that he loves me. He actually loves me. But...do I love him?_

_No! Of course, not! He's my enemy! I hate him! _

Do I...? Do I really hate him?

_Yes!_

I-I don't think so actually...

_I slowly kiss him back, unsure of myself or my feelings. I am worried that I will not like kissing him and realize that I don't have any feelings for him besides anger and hatred and that he will get the wrong idea, but I am willing to risk it. I'm willing to risk giving him the wrong idea for a chance at love. Because he loves me. _

_Zuko loves me. He actually and truly does. _

_I can feel it. I can clearly and positively tell that he loves me. I know it isn't a silly crush that Aang has on me; it is real love. I can tell so cleanly that he loves me just from this unforeseen kiss. _

_The more I kiss him, the farther I deepen the kiss, something clicks within me, or snaps perhaps. Something just falls into place, an answer suddenly appears. It's like I figure out the answer to a very complicated equation, and in some way I have. I realize that I too love him. _

_Because being with him, being that close, that connected to Zuko feels amazing. It feels like the other half of me has been found and restored. It feels like I have found my other half. I feel so connected with him. It feels so good, so _right_._

"Katara?" I heard distantly from my memory. "Katara?" I soon recognized the voice. It belonged to Jang.

"Hm?" I called out, turning my head to him.

He looked at me expectantly and concerned. His eyebrows were raised high up on his forehead. "Are you ok?" he asked.

I stared at him for a few seconds before snapping fully out of my memory. I blinked and looked down. My eyebrows knitted together, trying to figure out where I had left off and what I was to say when I got to the part where Zuko and I began to talk in the catacombs. I didn't want to tell him about us kissing. That would have been awkward and embarrassing if I did. It would be as if I was telling Sokka about what had happened that day for even he didn't know what had happened that day.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "I'm fine." _I guess..._ I silently added in my head.

For perhaps I wasn't fine. Perhaps I was merely having a relapse of happiness, of joy. Or perhaps I was just trying to break free of my depression. My depressed and sad side fighting with my happy side for control, to dominate my mind, my body, my soul. Which would win...?

I felt a shiver crawl up my spine at the thought of the depression winning over me, laying me down one more time into the ashes, to be forever in depression. If I feel into depression again, who knows what would happen then?

Would I be able to break free quicker and sooner? Or...would I succumb to it completely and irrevocably? Would this evil, this sin, this plague control my life again in my life? Never release its grasp upon me?

Another shiver racked my body.

I told myself to stop thinking of such thoughts. Thinking like that would only bring me down even more than I already was. I was having trouble fighting for control enough as it is, I didn't need to be thinking such thoughts. I would be digging my own grave.

Because I swore to myself that I wasn't going to let this darkness, this evil inside me lay me down one more time. I wasn't going to let it drown my will to fly without a fight. Because even though I was in the darkness, even though I was blind, I knew myself. I knew who I finally was and that this darkness wasn't the true me. But I knew that I couldn't break free until I let all this go.

I was _going _to let it go.

"Katara?" Jang asked softly.

I twisted my head toward him.

"What happened next? After Zuko joined you?" He stared intensely into my eyes much like Zuko did. His piercing gaze made me turn away for I felt tears prickle the bottoms of my eyes.

"He-We—" I shook my head, feeling a wave of embarrassment wash over me. I closed my eyes. "—Nothing," I murmured. "Nothing happened." I felt as if a knife had been plunged into my stomach. I had lied to him yet again. I had lied to Jang while I was trying to tell him the _truth_. What kind of person was I? What kind of person had I become?

How could I have lost myself so much that I would lie while trying to tell the truth? Had I let myself go that much? What had I done to be like this? How did I let myself go?

I had never asked myself that question before. When did all this start? How did I first become depressed? I can't remember the first time I was depressed, when I finally realized that I was depressed. All that I can come up with is when Aang died and how I had felt then and before that had happened and then when I was depressed. There was no in between.

No matter how much I searched through my mind, scanned through my memories I could never pinpoint the exact time and moment I realized I was depressed. I just remember _being_. I don't remember any before the depression except when I wasn't depressed at all. I don't remember the gradual, downhill slip I took. Nothing.

I just remember being depressed and not depressed. It was like flipping a switch. It went from one thing to the next in an instant. There was nothing gradual about it. There wasn't a decrescendo. Nothing I could remember at least.

But why couldn't I remember? It was such an important part of my life, was it not? So then why couldn't I remember it for the life of me? Why couldn't I remember something so crucial?

It was like a giant, black, dark wall had been placed in my mind that wouldn't let any light pass through. It hurt to fight against it and to try to shed light upon it. It was unyielding, unbending, steadfast. It didn't give in.

Except only to more darkness that wanted to shroud over the small amount of light I still had within.

I supposed that somewhere deep, down within myself, I had some part of me that was trying, begging, pleading to be released. Some light and happiness that I had once had. The same light that Aang had seen when he had been alive. The same light that had help Sokka. The same light that had helped Zuko join our side.

Could it be that I had never destroyed that light? Could it be that that light was still within me, trying to shine? Trying to be the thing that guides me rather than the darkness that I had let for nearly a year?

_Yes_, I heard quietly whisper in my mind.

"Nothing?" Jang asked, his voice hushed and airy. "How could nothing happen?" He pierced me sharply with his golden eyes. "Tell me, Katara," he firmly ordered.

I looked down, feeling the pressure and a small bit of shame start to build up. I mean, what would he say I said that I kissed Zuko? Would he think that I was the sort of girl who would kiss anyone? Even her enemies?

"We just," I quietly, barely audible, "talked. It wasn't friendly by any means," I elaborated with a tiny chuckle. "We talked about…just different things. it wasn't very personal. I mean, we hit a few tender spots, but I was really the only one who was talking. I yelled more than I talked, actually," I admitted.

Jang offered up a small smile. "And then what?"

"And then what?" I quietly repeated to myself. I leaned my head against the wall, sensing another flashback coming. The more tragic, heartbreaking one.

_I reach up, hooking my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. It's like something's taken over me, something that wants, something that needs to feel the love, the warmth, the kindness inside him. _

_His warmth emanates from his skin and onto mine, drawing me in like a bug to a lamp at night. It is intoxicating and so overpowering. It is all I want to feel. _

_Everything about him draws me in. His intoxicating scent of ash and timber wood. His husky, velvet voice that can very well be the downfall of all mankind. His peaceful, emotional eyes that can portray anything he feels within his heart that no words can utter perfectly. His strong arms, sending a comforting feeling, as if I can be safe in his arms no matter where I am at._

_We break apart, panting a little. We look at each other intently, drawing in each other's face, still trying to draw the conclusion as to why we kissed. Why we feel the way we do. And why so suddenly? _

_I stare deeply into his eyes, seeing them up close for the first time. They are an intense gold. Like melted fire swirling and pooling in his eyes. They are beautiful. Just beautiful. _

_But my mind snaps back to what we did. What I _want _to do again. "What…what are we doing?" I ask, breathless. _

_He inches back, feeling a bit of retribution from me, that I am shocked and perhaps a bit repulsed, but that's not what I feel. No, I feel the exact opposite. _

"_Zuko…" I breathe, looking away, not bearing to look him in the eyes. I know that what I did was wrong. That this feeling for him was wrong. That the kiss was wrong. Everything about each other is wrong. _

_We can't continue like this. We have to put an end to it. It isn't right for us to kiss and say we love each other when we are enemies, when our countries are waging war against each other. We will both be committing treason, and that is something that we both cannot afford to do._

_And what of Sokka and Aang? What will they think? What _would _they think if they are to ever find out? They would be ashamed and feel dishonored by my actions. They would shun me if they are ever to find out what I did. _

_I don't know if Zuko knows the cost of what we've done, what we feel, and what we both know in our hearts we want to do. I hope he knows; I pray he knows for it will be harder to tell him that we cannot be together, we cannot continue with this traitorous conduct. And if he does not know then he will see me as a temptress, a vamp, a seductress! He will see my honor as tainted. _

_He looks at me with hurt just barely visible in his eyes. "Yes?" _

_I bite my lip and though my heart is telling me to not condemn this love to death, I know I must. I know that it is for the better. And though I know that, I feel tears start to sting and well up. _

_As quickly as I gained this love, I must lose it. _

"_I'm sorry," Zuko apologizes. He loosens his grip on me and then altogether. His arms drop to his sides and he takes a step back, looking at the ground. "I know that wasn't right and I know you have feelings for the Avatar." He places his hands beneath his elbows held loosely across his chest. He looks down in sadness, awaiting the onslaught of vile and dastardly words that he is sure will spill from my mouth._

"_No, I don't," I say. Because I don't. I never did have feelings for him. The only reason I kissed him was because we were stuck in the Cave of Two Lovers and kissing was the only way to make it out alive. If there was another reason, I wouldn't have ever kissed him. "I've never liked Aang. I—" I bite my lip, hating myself for about saying I love Zuko, but hating myself for _not_ as well. _

_I want to tell Zuko. I want to tell him that I enjoyed the kiss. I want to tell him that I loved being that close to him. I want to tell him that I want to be close to him again, but... I can't. I just can't. Things will never be the same if I do. _

Things will never be the same now as well..._ I remind myself. _

"_I'm sorry," Zuko apologizes again. _

_I wonder how many times he will do that. I secretly hope he does it once more just so I know that he is sincerely sorry and that he has real honor and respect for a woman. _

"_I know you hate me and that you're probably extremely angry at me," he says. "I understand. If I was in your shoes and you kissed me, I would probably slap you." His eyes widen at the realization of how his words sound. "That saying, if I was a girl and you were a guy," he elaborated._

_I hug myself, feeling the warmth I still had from being so close to him slip away so suddenly. I gulp. I shake my head. "No, I don't hate you nor do I wish..." I took a deep, uneasy breath. "that you hadn't kissed me," I finish so quietly I am afraid Zuko didn't hear because he just stands there. _

_He doesn't move at all. He just stares at me deadpanned. It is as if he didn't hear me. He looks as if he is a statue, unaffected by sight or hearing. _

_I am about to repeat myself, my jaw already down, ready to say louder that I am glad he kissed me, but he speaks before I get the chance to. "You do?" he asks, looking so bewildered and awestruck._

_I nod my head unsteadily and hesitantly. "Yes."_

_Zuko looks at me confused. His eye brows contract together and he opens his mouth as if he is about to say more, but the words turn to ash in his mouth and he closes it again only to try once more. _

"_I know," I say quietly. "It's different. I'm not sure why, but I'm glad you kissed me. It's—" the word catches in my mouth. "It's scary to think that I liked kissing you, my enemy. That I..." I say those last two words so quietly. I try to speak up. "That I want to kiss you again."_

"_Why?"_

_I gulp. "Because I think somehow, somewhere along the way, I've fallen in love with you. Just...just as you have." _

"_You... you have?" he asks. _

_I nod my head, feeling some courage return to me. _

_A smile creeps upon the Prince's face. "This... this is wonderful...!" he breaths. "I love you, Katara," he says with confidence and confirmation. He steps forward, grasping my cool, slender hands with his. He rolls his thumbs over the backs of my hands._

_I almost smile, but tears prick my eyes with the sting of a hornet-bee. It is almost unbearable what I must do. I don't know if I can do it. "Zuko..." I croak out. _

"_Yes?"_

_ My lip quivers. My throat feels so constricting and tight, words catching inside. "We can't," I push out, shaking my head. _

_ His grip loosens and he looks at me concerned. "What? What do you mean?"_

_ I look at him, knowing I need to look him in the eye to tell him this. "We can't be together, Zuko. Don't you understand? No one will understand. Sokka and Aang...they will hate me for falling for you if they are ever to find out. We cannot fall in love, Zuko."_

_ His eyes turn hard with determination. "But we already have fallen in love, Katara. Don't you see that?"_

_ "Yes, I do see that, but we can't go on like this. You're the Prince of the Fire Nation and I'm a Water peasant, a friend of the Avatar, trying to end your father's reign. We can't ever be together lest we wish to commit treason." _

_ "I will do it," he bravely announces._

_ I look at him as he has just declared is is to fight an army of ten-thousand men by himself. "You can't, Zuko. I won't let you."_

_ He pulls away from me. "Then what do you suggest I do, Katara? Continue to hunt the Avatar down? Hunt _you _down?"_

_ I flinch at his words. He is right; I know it, but I know as well as I know that that we cannot be together. _

_ He steps to me again, taking my hands. Hope is filling his eyes quickly and over his face. "I shall join you, join the Avatar and teach him firebending. That way you and I can be together without you tainting the honor of yourself or your country. We _ can _be together, Katara," he reassures. "And we will be."_

_ And I believe him._

* * *

**A/N: Ok, I know it took WAY too long for me to get this chapter out, and I hate that. I wish I had gotten this out 2 weeks ago. But I hadn't had time to actually sit down and type. I was sick for about a week and so I had a TON of make-up work plus my regular homework. I had 10 tests in just two weeks that I've been studying like crazy for. (It payed off though!) I've been working like crazy on other writing (I feel as if I have cheated on you guys lok) that was for my class and I was so close to being done that I just couldn't stop until I was done lest I wanted to wait about another week to get it completely done with a final copy and cover page and such. So yeah, that's my story. I really am sorry.**

**This chapter isn't very... dynamic, I don't think. It doesn't have a lot to it other than the flashback, and that is because I've focused so much on that story for my class (which was totally different because it was set in nowdays at a highschool in the point of view of a 15 year old) that I haven't had the patience to write something that was gradual and much more formal with the writing than that other story. **

**I had a writer's block while I was writing the non-flash back. (IS that what it's called?) and so I'm sorry if it seems to be dull or missing something.**

**I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading about what should have happened in the crystal catacombs! I did!**

**Oh, I've got an announcement: my email has been acting up for some reason (I have no idea) and I always stare something from here and when I do that now it screws up and like puts it into another folder or like totally deletes it. And I can't find half the stuff from here. So if you have reviewed or something like that I haven't replyed back please understand**

**THank you so much for being patient with me! Please review!**

**-Neon**


	17. Chapter 17

"After Zuko and I talked for a little longer, we got some things sorted out. We were actually," I paused, trying to find the right word to describe what had happened between us, "getting along, and then Aang came crashing in, probably ruining anything that could have probably ensued," I said.

"Like what?" Jang asked, his voice hushed and sultry.

"Like..." I started. What else could have happened? "Well, we could have discussed some more stuff," I said with a shrug. "Zuko told me that he wanted to join the team and teach Aang firebending, saying that he knew then that that was his destiny."

"What did you tell him?"

I swallowed hard. "I yelled at him," I said, exhaling. "I was so harsh and unwilling to accept that he had really changed."

Jang studied my face, my set blue eyes, my scrunched up eyebrows, my slightly parted lips. Taking me in slowly. He gulped, and I was pretty sure he was trying to fit all the pieces together, trying to figure out how I became like I was today. "Did you believe him?"

"Well, yeah, I realized he was telling the truth. I really saw that he was telling the truth because once Aang and I were fighting Azula, Zuko came and joined us. He helped fight his sister."

He slowly nodded his head. "What happened during the fight?"

"It—" the word caught in my throat as I remembered the fight so vividly— "it wasn't a fair fight. It wasn't by any means," I said with a shake of my head. "Once Aang, Sokka, and Toph arrived to save us, some... problems arose."

"What problems?"

"Well," I replied, "we fought. Zuko, Aang, and Sokka fought. They argued with each for what seemed like an eternity."

_"How dare you capture Katara!" Aang accuses harshly._

_ "But he didn't capture me!" I defend, stepping between the two heated men. Things are going to get ugly if I don't help. "Zuko has only been helping me find a way to escape," I explain, though I know that it isn't necessarily true. It's best for Aang to find out about us at a later time. I look at Zuko._

_ His eyes are dead set on Aang's. He gulps slightly. His hands are held at his side, passively. He has no intention to fight against Aang, and I know that, but Aang and Sokka and Toph don't know that._

_ "It's true," Zuko says firmly._

_ "That's a lie!" Sokka shouts, pulling out his boomerang from his back, pointing it daringly at the Prince. "Katara wouldn't work with you! She's not stupid."_

_ "Sokka," I say calmly, peering past Aang to my brother. "I was trying to find a way out as was Zuko. He was thrown in here just as I was. We're both just trying to get out of this prison," I explain. _

_ "Why were you working with the Fire Nation Prince?" Toph asks. _

_ "We- I- he's..." I stutter, not sure what to say. A chill runs through my spine as I __realize I have no words for either one of them, no explanation at all. I have no idea what to tell them other than the truth. But is the truth the right thing to say? "Things... are just...different," I say a bit lamely._

_ Sokka's eyebrows rise on his forehead. He looks at me condescendingly. "Different? How so?"_

_ "Well..." I gulp nervously and take a cautious glance at Zuko, hoping that perhaps he'll offer up some sort of help for me. But what can he say? What can Zuko do that will make the situation better? There is hardly anything he can say or do. _

_ Aang sets his eyes on me, his stance becoming more casual. "Well what, Katara?"_

_ "Zuko isn't after you anymore," I boldly state. "He actually wishes to join us. That's what different."_

_ Aang and Sokka peer at Zuko, their eyes hard and firm. They are unwilling to believe what I say; I just know it. _

_ "Is that true?" Aang asks._

_ Zuko nods his head. "Yes. I wish to teach you firebending and help defeat my father. His reign must come to an end."_

_ "And why have you decided this?" he asks cautiously, suspiciously. _

_ "I realized that my father is not a leader; he is a tyrant. And he must be stopped. For so long I'd been trying to achieve his love, but there is no love in that man. Only hate and malice and cruelty," Zuko explains._

_ I gaze worriedly at him, hoping that that will be enough for Aang and Sokka to hear for them to accept Zuko. _

_ "You don't honestly expect us to trust you, do you?" Aang roughly hisses._

_ "Great speak; read that off a label?" Sokka dryly asks._

_ "Sokka!" I chide. "How can you be so rude? Zuko is trying to join us! And I don't know about you, but I don't see any body else signing up to teach Aang firebending!" I shout._

_ "Sugar Queen's right," Toph jumps in. "We need a firebending teacher for Aang, and here's one! But you two dunderheads are too blind by your pride that you won't accept him!" she shouts at the two boys. "One shows up on a silver platter, and you mock him!"_

_ Sokka fidgets nervously, and Aang gazes down on the ground, taking in Toph's words._

_ "Katara is the one who told you he wanted to join anyways. Shouldn't that be enough of a reason to let Zuko join?" she asks._

_ Aang looks up, his eyes resting on Zuko. "Fine," he says coldly. "You can join, but this doesn't mean you trust you." He turns swiftly on his heels and leaves the catacombs through the abrasion in the wall. _

_ Sokka takes one last glare at Zuko and then a sympathetic one at me. He follows behind Aang. _

_ "If you guys are planning on being together, then you're going to have to think up __a better reason than that," Toph says once Sokka and Aang are out of earshot. _

_ I am shocked! How does she know we wish to be together? How can she have already gathered that? Were Zuko and I too obvious? Do Aang and Sokka know?_

_ "How-how do you know?" I ask cautiously._

_ "I may be blind," she replies, "but I'm not stupid."_

_ "Well, yeah, but still... How did you know?"_

_ She shrugs. "I know you, and I know that you wouldn't be defending someone who used to be your enemy if you didn't feel some sort of affection for them," she explains._

_ I blink at the girl. She is the original mystery solver. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"_

_ She shakes her head. "No, the last thing we need is Sokka killing Aang's firebending teacher. Good luck, Zuko," Toph says and then leaves the two of us alone._

_ I breathe a sigh of relief. _

"And then once all the arguing was over, we all slowly shuffled out of the catacombs only to meet our demise," I said dourly.

"What happened?" Jang asked.

I sighed. I barely shook my head, not sure what to say, what to tell him, how to explain it to him. "I'm not really sure, to be honest." And I really didn't. The whole battle was really just a blur, just another battle we had to face. It didn't really seem like anything big. "It was all a blur. All I remember is Azula smirking, smiling evilly down on us," I explained, my voice low and haunted. "And then just a haze of elements flying through the air- water, earth, fire, and air.

"I felt as if I was overtaken by some strange force. I didn't feel fatigue or exhaustion. All I felt was adrenaline coursing through me like I had never felt before. It was like I was a machine built for purely bending and fighting like no person could. I was in such a daze.

"And it seemed to have been paying off until—" I feel my throat closing up, tears starting to well in my eyes— "until the Dai Li agents arrived, completely under Azula's control. We were totally outnumbered and bound to die. And that's what happened to some of us."

Tears slid down my cheeks and I covered my mouth mournfully with my hand, trying to suppress my cries. I squeeze my eyes shut and grimace.

"I remember Toph had been overwhelmed by twenty Dai Li agents." I let out a wry chuckle. "Can you imagine? _Toph _being overwhelmed. And then... she was killed by the Dai Li as well." I gritted my teeth and pursed my lips with anger. "But they didn't stop with her! They continued on, trying to get ride of every last one of us.

"They almost succeeded too. I was badly burned and had several bruises and a few broken bones. Azula had broken my wrist, and I had been slammed into several pillars of crystal, each time the breath of air being knocked out of me.

"It was almost too much- no, it _was_ too much. And Aang saw that there was no other way to win this battle other than entering the Avatar State. And while he was in it—" more tears fell and I trembled— "Azula shot him...with lightning," I gasped, all the air escaping from my lungs with that last statement.

"I'm so sorry," Jang said, sympathy lacing his voice. "That's awful. No one should have to go through that."

I weakly nodded my head.

"And that's why," he noted, leaning his head back against the wall. "That's why you're so..." he trailed off, being polite and not saying the 'D' word.

But it was alright. _I _was alright. Things were getting better. They would always be getting better.

"It's ok," I said quietly, shrugging a little. "I'm better. Not completely better, but still better."

"What was it like?" Jang asked.

I turned my face to him. "What was what like?"

"Being... you know," he replied quietly.

I inhaled deeply, trying to find the right words, the right term to use to describe being depressed. It was...it was hard to explain. A hard concept to fully understand unless you've been through it.

"It's like...all the lights going out around you. And there's only the small flicker of a candle, but that doesn't keep the night away. It only shows you how truly alone you are.

"For me, it felt as if I was dead, an empty shell, though I knew I was very much alive. I could feel every breath I took. Every time my heart beat. Every time I blinked. I could sense everything, and instead of making me see that I was so alive and that I had things to live for, it only made me wish it was over more." I felt more tears prick my eyes. It was probably too soon to be talking about being depressed, but I knew that it was just another step I knew I had to take to heal.

"I-I couldn't do anything. There was nothing to do but accept that I was over. I was _dying_ slowly, systematically on the inside. My dreams had ran through the fist I had made," I said, holding my palms up, "like sand in an hourglass.

"Everything I knew, everything I felt was pain. It was my whole world. There was nothing without that pain, that hollow, haunting pain. It seemed as if it was all I knew, all I had known, all I would ever know," I said with my eyes wide, fearful that that was my fate. "And I just trudged through each day, wishing it was over the minute I awoke, wishing it wouldn't end at night just so I wouldn't have to wake up in the morning and live the nightmare all over again."

"Wow," Jang breathed. "That's... I can't believe that's happened to you."

"Yeah, sometimes it seems so surreal, looking back on it now. I know that I'm still not out of the woods yet, but I'm getting there. And I know that after all is said and done, I'll be better. After all this has passed, I still will remain. I'm going to one day cry my last tear, and then there won't be anymore pain.

"Somehow out of the ashes, I'll rise up and have hope again. Though it won't be today, I know it will happen, and I'll be brought out of all this once and for all."

I weakly smiled. "So here I am; pretty much at the end of what I've got. This is all I am now. All I've been reduced to, trying to hold onto what I can't see, what I can barely feel because I've forgotten how to hope. The night's been so long," I shakily say, "but I cling to the promise there will be a dawn."

Jang looked at me solemnly.

"Sometimes I wonder why I'm like this. I wonder why I've been brought down this road, why I've been put through this. It's hard to figure it all out while still trying to fight a war. I wonder why God's let me walk through this place," I said, somehow the word "God" slipping through my lips, slipping past my censor.

I silently gasped. What had just happened? Why had I said that? What was happening? What was happening to _me_?

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to scramble away from the encroaching darkness that was setting in. My lips quivered and I hugged myself. A cry escaped from my lips and I covered my mouth with my hand.

I was changing, but I never thought it was going to hurt this much. I never thought it was going to be this painful to escape from the darkness and pain and suffering going on inside me.

I felt as if I was spiraling out of control. I felt like I had no grip, no handle on what was going on around me. _Inside _me. It was so frightening and scary. I felt like I was falling into a dark, black hole within my soul with no way of getting out at all.

And that was the thing I feared most of all. I feared that I would be trapped like this until I died. I was so terrified of it beyond belief. It was worse than any of the nightmares and night terrors I had suffered through time and time again. It was the most horrific thing I'd ever experienced. Probably one of the worse parts of my depression.

But though I felt as if I was falling, there was one thing I knew that was holding me, that was keeping me from falling even further. It was something I wasn't holding onto. But rather it was holding onto me. I knew that it was Zuko; Zuko was the thing that kept me latched and secured to where I was.

My eyes broke open, ready to see something good, some light, something familiar, a happy, loving face. Because I felt alone at that moment. I felt, oh, so alone. And scared. Like a small child lost in the market place. I felt like I was in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs, screaming in pain and agony and anger, but no one hears me.

Such a scary feeling. So scary...

"Katara, I'm so sorry," Jang said.

I shrugged, not knowing what to say. I didn't know if I was to say "it's ok" because it really wasn't. If I was truly honest with myself, I would say it wasn't ok. Sure, it was better than it had been, but it still wasn't good. I was far from being good, being better.

Being better and normal and healthy seemed to be so far off. It seemed to be like a dream almost. It almost didn't seem real. It just was so far away and happened so long ago to me that it felt as if it wasn't real anymore. Just a distant, far away, almost forgotten memory.

"I wish..." I started. "I wish I could say 'it's alright', but I can't," I hesitantly said. "You know," I said, turning to face him, "you're the first person I've told that. You're the only person that knows all about my depression. I mean, other people know I was- _am _depressed, but you're the only one who really knows _everything _about it."

Jang blinked at me, shocked, and I assumed he had thought Zuko had known long before he did. His lips pursed as if he was going to say something, but soon they leveled out.

I shrugged again. "The thing is, I don't really know where to go from here. I'm not sure how to get past this "in between" stage I seem to be stuck in. I don't know where I'm to go.

"I've been waging war within myself for so long because of it. I don't know which direction I'm supposed to go down. I'm fighting with all my strength to go down the straight and narrow path, the path with joy, but something's pulling me down the opposite direction. Down towards the path full of darkness. The path I used to be on.

"And I feel like I'm slipping and sliding against that force that's pulling me. I feel like I'm losing that battle. I feel like I'm going to lose my footing and go down the wrong path. I'm so scared that I'll fall again. I'm so terribly afraid I will!" I cried with a shaky voice.

"No," he said, shaking his head, "that won't happen." He looked me dead in the eyes. "I won't let it," he promised and drew me into his arms so protectively and securely. "You've suffered enough, Katara, and warred with yourself. It's time that you won," he whispered comfortingly.

The thing is, I let him hold me. I let him wrap his arms around me. I don't know why I did, but I just allowed him. It felt almost wrong, as if I was betraying Zuko. But I knew I wasn't. I knew for a fact that I wasn't doing anything untrustworthy or wrong.

Jang was merely a friend. Nothing more; nothing less. That was all he would ever be. A friend. And he knew that; he knew he was just a good friend to me.

And his promise was a nice touch. It felt almost as if I had Aang back. Aang would have made a promise similar to that. He was just that kind of person, and Jang was more like Aang than I had realized initially. He was a constant reminder of Aang.

A good reminder.

I pulled out of his arms. "Um," I gulped, unsure of what to say. "Thank you. For listening, that is," I amended, fearing that he would think I meant "thank you for hugging me."

"You're welcome, Katara," he said with a small nod.

* * *

**A/N: Well, I feel as though I got this chapter out resonably fast. Don't you think so? I spent a lot of my time working on this chapter, so that would be why it came out so quickly. Plus I was stuck at my grandparents house for the weekend and there's not a whole lot to do over there. BUUUUTTT there was a VHS player XD so I did spend some time watching old videos lol. **

**This chapter is my favorite so far. I guess it's that way because I took my personal experience from my depression and put it into this. And I guess I like this one because I was really on the edge of having a relapse of depression. It was just one of those things that happens, and I guess a lot of it came from it being the anniversary of me being saved and my depression ending. I have been depression free for one entire year! So that may have been where all that deep stuff was coming from.**

**Well, anyways! There isn't a whole lot of stuff to discuss about this chapter. Um... this one is realy just about Katara's depression and the flash back and such. And, no, I didn't really talk about what exactly happened during the Great Battle, but I didn't really think it was necessary, and plus I didn't want to have ANOTHER flashback in this chapter. I think I've had like three in the past two chapters or something like that.**

**I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter! I really do! Please review! And thank you for reading!**

**-Neon**


	18. Chapter 18

Jang looked at me for a minute or two. Just contently looking at me. That or he was waging war within himself for whatever reason. He opened his mouth, but closed it. He changed his mind and asked, "What...what happened after the Avatar was killed? I mean, how did you escape and where did you go?"

I gazed at the ground, feeling a sharp jab at my heart. That had been one of the most difficult things that had happened to us after Aang had died. Finding a place to live and how to escape. "Um," I mumbled and my brow furrowed. "It wasn't something easy to accomplish."

"I imagine not."

I gulped and nodded barely. "Yeah," I whispered barely audible. "After Aang died, Sokka, Zuko, and I managed to escape by fighting off everyone enough to run out of the catacombs. After that," I said, never taking my eyes off the ground, "we stole a boat and sailed all the way to the Fire Nation."

Confusion grew across Jang's face. "Why would you go to the Fire Nation?"

I shrugged. "The last place they would look for us," I said wryly. "Zuko suggested we go to his family's old summer home. Sokka and I were apprehensive at first. There's something about living in the Fire Lord's summer home that is a little uncomfortable, but Zuko convinced us that they hadn't been there since his family was happy. And that was a long time ago."

Jang looked at me affectionately and sympathetically. He was a little concerned at the fact that I had been in living right under the Fire Lord's nose. And it wasn't exactly the most comforting thought for me as well. But it had worked, so it didn't really matter if it was comfortable or not.

Jang nodded slowly, taking in my words. "Did you ever meet Zuko before you two were in the crystal catacombs?"

"Of, course," I answered with a lift of my shoulders.

"No, no, I mean, like talk in the way me are you are. Like real people. Not fighting in a battle."

"Oh." I leaned back, struck by his statement. I didn't honestly think I did. I mean, all of my memories of encounters with Zuko had been violent and aggressive. They were never like how Aang or Toph or Jang and I would interact. Not even how Iroh and I would. Except...

_I walk into the Jasmine Dragon to have a cup of tea and to think. Lately I've been having so many strange and unusual thoughts flying around and around in my mind. Things that I have never thought before. Perhaps they are traitorous. I'm not sure. The only thing I am sure of is that I have some sort of feeling for...Zuko…_

_I told my friends that I only am going to get some tea, but, in reality, I am going in order to see Zuko. It feels like I am betraying my country for having such feelings that make me want to see him every single day that I can. He is always on my mind and I always seem to be drawn to him. _

_I begin to hear Sokka's voice in my head, trying to persuade me to turn around before he or anyone else sees me._

Get out of here, Katara. He could see you and kidnap you.

_I'll be fine. I can take care of myself; I'm not a child now. There's no need to keep up this nonsense. _

_The Jasmine Dragon is brilliantly decorated with bright greens and browns- the color of the Earth Kingdom. The name serves it purpose, since a giant dragon was painted on the roof. Each table is adorned with a runner that stretches from the one end to the other, leaving a tassel of beads hanging on each end and a pot of dendrobium and boat orchids gathered together in a lovely bouquet. _

_People of all sorts of shapes and sizes are having fun drinking and talking amongst themselves. There are smiles on almost every face, but one small child who seems very upset that his mother won't take him home. _

_I chuckle to myself. I turn my head to him. With his hair grown longer than I last remember and bright gold eyes and that horrid scar, I know that that boy behind the counter writing down orders can only be the Prince of the Fire Nation. As soon as I see him, my face brightens up and my eyes fill with excitement. He isn't looking at me, but it is good enough with the way it is. _

_Before I can hide or duck away, Zuko looks up. Our eyes lock on to each others. But a death glare or he beginning to chase after me is not what happens. The unexpected happens; Zuko smiles and waves at me. I don't know what to do. I just do the exact same as him in return. I smile and wave._

Katara, get out of there. He's trying to trick you. You know what's going to happen. Get _away_!

_No, nothing bad is going to happen. I will know if something is going to happen and right now nothing is._

_I walk up to the counter to say hello to the Prince. He really changed since the North Pole. He cut his ponytail and grew his hair out. I have to admit that he really does look good. Maybe even handsome, but with the scar that he has, he will never become as handsome as he possibly can become. That doesn't matter though. And it certainly doesn't keep me from talking to him. _

"_Well, well. Now, what brings _you_ to the Earth Kingdom?" I nonchalantly ask, leaning on the counter with my elbows. I rest my head on my balled fists and stare up at Zuko's face._

"_We're starting over, didn't you hear? It's been posted all over the Fire Nation," he jokes. _

"_No, I should go and check it out, don't you think?" I smirk._

_Zuko laughs at my little joke. It is a joke that only the two of us can understand. Granted that Sokka, Toph, and Aang would get it, but at the moment they aren't here. _

"_So, have you been doing ok?" he asks. _

_I look at him. _

"_I mean, is the Avatar learning earthbending?" he restates. _

"_Since when have you taken an interest in the Avatar fulfilling his destiny?"_

"_Since I've stopped worrying about my honor and capturing him."_

"_Hmph." I find that very hard to believe, considering all the times he tried to capture Aang. _

"_Anyways, what are you doing here?" he questions, raising an eyebrow- actually his only eyebrow- in concern._

_My face falls in sadness. The memories of our lost friend begin to haunt me. It is bad enough that we have to travel by public means, but that a dear friend is missing also makes it all very hard to deal with. I pause, thinking of him. "Appa is missing," I finally utter. "We hope to find him here."_

"_Who's—"_

"_Our giant flying bison," I interrupt, saving him from using his breath._

"_Ah," he mumbles. He shoves his lips to the left, as if he was in deep thought. _

_I stare at him, waiting for him to say something. Awhile passes before his mouth moved back into its original position and he declares, "I have something that could possibly cheer you up."_

"_Really?"_

_He nods._

"_Well, what is it?" _

_Zuko starts to turn around, as if he is leaving. But before he totally leaves, he twists his back around, so that he is looking at me again. _

Oh, there are those deep golden eyes again.

"_Come with me," he orders. His tone is not harsh or coarse, but full of tenderness as if he is caring for a newborn kitten._

_I'm not sure if it is the real Zuko or just another trap. Maybe I shouldn't have even come. Maybe I should've just turned around when I saw him. I give the reluctant prince a condescending look._

"_It's not a trick or trap," he says, sensing my hesitation. _

_I cross my arms in stubbornness- something Sokka has always told me I'm good at. "Really? Then what do you plan on doing? Hmm?" I press. _

_Zuko sighs, knowing that he won't get out of this. He looks from the left to the right and then back to the left. He licks his lips. He has something on his mind that is not easy to say, but I know that if I keep pressing him to say it, he will come out with it. _

Maybe it's a confession…

"_Come on, spit it out," I arrogantly declare. I silently laugh. Oh, that feels so good to say that. And that look in his eye is priceless. If only the gang can see it. That would be the end of his horrid ego problem._

"_Well… You see… It's kind of embarrassing…"_

"_How so?"_

"_Well… It's pretty personal…" Oh, he thinks that he can get away with only telling me that much before marching me out the Jasmine Dragon. I smirk at his uneasiness._

"_How personal?" I so want to know how far I can push him. I wonder…_

"_Um… Pretty darn personal."_

"_What category would you put it in?" I ask, hoping that I can make things easier for Zuko to say. "Life? Family? Love?"_

_A blush creeps up onto his cheeks. He looks so natural and almost human when he blushes. And to tell the truth, I love it when he blushes, but that only happens every once in awhile._

"_L- love…"_

_My breath catches in my throat. I can't believe my ears. Did he just say "love"? The major _L_ word? It is almost too good to be true. I have to really restrain myself from pinching myself. _

_I know that he would have said "__I love you_"_ if not for his embarrassment. I mean, it was just a bit obvious it was about me. He wouldn't have smiled at the sight of me nor waved. And if it was about his relatives, well, he wouldn't be telling me. He is talking about me; I can tell. He loves me. And… And I… No… There's nothing…_

"_Oh… Ok… Let's go, then," I murmur at last. _

_Zuko's face lights up like a boy's would during a fireworks show. He takes my hand with delicate care and walks me over to the entrance to behind the counter. Once I am behind the counter, he pulls me into a hug. It is unusual for Zuko, but I kind of like it. _

_A deep, scarlet blush swells all over my cheeks. My arms are pushed up against his muscular chest. It is hard and defined from years of hard work. And most of all he is warm- very warm indeed._

_Zuko lets go of me, but leaves his arm constricted around my waist. _

_I look up at him. _

_He is at least a couple inches taller than me. At first, I was intimidated by his height compared to mine, but I soon begin to find protection and comfort in it._

"_Alright," he breathes. There isn't much to say, so I don't speak. I am so caught up in the moment that I don't see what is happening._

"_Lee!" A shrill voice calls out. The minute I hear it I know that it is a teenage girl just like me._

Lee?

_Zuko stares down at me and then up to a girl standing at the counter. She has light brown hair and deep brown eyes. She looks very mature and developed. She has her russet hair tied back into a messy ponytail. Her outfit is of an olive, green dress with a blue flower print. If she is after Zuko then… Then I will have no chance at getting him._

"_Lee?" I ask softly at Zuko._

"_Cover name," he replies quietly. _

"_Clever."_

"_Not my choice."_

_I nod my head at that. _

"_Umm… Hi, Jin," Zuko says, uncomfortably. It must be extremely awkward to be talking to a girl like Jin with me standing next to him right before he is about to confess something that has to do with love to me. _

_I squirm uncomfortably at the situation against Zuko. If it's awkward for Zuko, then it is extremely awkward for me! _

"_So, what are you doing here?" he asks with a little more hesitation as if one word will totally throw the world out of balance. Or like he knows that if he says something wrong that a huge secret will come out and destroy all that he's worked for._

"_Oh, I just want a cup of Jasmine tea." She looks down. "And I kind of wanted to talk to you." Her eyes move up to stare at Zuko. _

_Zuko doesn't know what to do. He just stands there._

_I think it's best to intervene. "You know, Z— I mean, Lee was just about to tell me something." I turn to the young man next to me. "How about you say it right now, honey," I innocently pronounce with a smile spreading across my face._

_Zuko lets out a sharp exhale, and I am pretty sure that he isn't certain what he should say, but also that the "honey" comment is just a cherry on top._

"_Umm… No. I don't think that's a good idea," he replies, pulling back a bit. "Besides, I should go make Jin some tea." He starts to turn away to the kitchen, but Jin stops him._

"_No, no. That's ok. I'd rather hear what you were going to say to- Umm… What's your name?" she asks._

"_Katara," I state._

"_Oh, you're Water Tribe! That's awesome!"_

"_Thanks. It's not every day I get a compliment about being Water Tribe."_

_Jin gives me a puzzled look. "What do you mean?" she asks._

"_Oh, nothing really. Lee just antagonizes me sometimes about being Water Tribe and a waterbender, so tease him about not being able to bend," I explain and shrug. That isn't necessarily a lie. He basically antagonized me about it before in the past. _

_Jin laughs and then turns to Zuko. "Is that so? You shouldn't be so mean to her." She playfully chides, and Zuko looks a bit embarrassed. The Earth girl twisted around to me. "So, have you known Lee long?"_

_I glance at Zuko, unsure of what to say, and he stares at me urgently. If I don't answer soon, then our entire cover will be blown._

"_Yeah, my brother, some friends, and I met him on our way here," I explain. It isn't entirely a lie. We _did_ run into him while traveling, just didn't "meet". He chased us rabidly._

"_That's cool…" she trails off. _

"_Well, meeting Lee was, but not the traveling," I conclude. "Oh, you said that you wanted to talk to Lee, right?"_

"_Yeah, I did."_

"_Don't mind me then. I'll just go and make your tea." I pull free of Zuko's grasp and begin to enter the kitchen. I am stopped before I can finish walking through the doorway. My wrist is grabbed and I am prevented from entering the kitchen any further. I turn around to see Zuko hanging onto me._

"_No, I don't think that that's a good idea." He pulls me close to him and whispers in my ear, "I need you here by me."_

_I roll my eyes. So, this is the big, bad Fire Prince. _

Oh, brother.

"_You'll be fine. I know my way around the kitchen better than you think." And with that, I strut into the kitchen with a nervous firebender and love sick girl behind me. I make sure to leave the door open so that I can hear them. It is a bit cruel and mean, but I have to know what Jin wants to talk about._

_The kitchen is twenty- four mats, which is extremely large. With the heater, sink, table, counter, and sixteen cupboards lining three of the four walls, it seems only to be twelve mats though. The floor is bamboo and the walls are stone like the rest of the buildings in the city. I am amazed at how big and yet normal the kitchen is. _

_I have never actually made tea before. It is a whole new concept, but I know the basics. First, I will need a cup and Jasmine leaves and water. I think it best to look for the cup first; after all I can't get very far with just Jasmine leaves and water. I begin to raid the kitchen, searching in each cupboard first._

"_So… What did you want to talk about?" Zuko asks nervously. _

_I suddenly freeze, and try to be as quiet as possible so that I can hear better. The cabinet that I began to open is left halfway there. I have to know what Jin wants to talk about. I feel as if I will explode with curiosity if I don't uncover the truth. _

"_I just wanted to get to know you better." How much does she already know?_

"_I thought we did that last night."_

Last night? What happened last night?

"_We did, but I still don't know that much. I mean, all I know is that you and your uncle were in a circus and you were the juggler," she explains. _

Zuko? A juggler? There's no way that that could ever happen! I can't believe he told her that! Couldn't he have thought of something better!

_I burst out laughing. That is just too funny! Even if Zuko wasn't a juggler it was still funny that he told her. And the thought of him dressing up as a juggler and throwing five or six balls into the air several times in front of hundreds of people is just way too funny._

"_Katara? Are you ok in there?" Zuko calls out._

_I calm down a bit "Yeah, I'm alright. You never told me you were a_—_" I break into another fit of laughter_—_"juggler!"_

"_Yes… I was before I met you," he replies solemnly. _

"_Ok." I begin to search for the cups again. I have already gone through an entire wall without finding a single chalice. The stress and annoyance is already getting to me. I stop searching for a minute and begin to rub my temples._

Shouldn't there be someone else working in the kitchen? I mean, why is Zuko the only one here?

"_Hey, Lee?" I call out._

"_Yeah?" Zuko answers._

"_Doesn't your uncle work with you?"_

"_Yeah, but he's out buying some Ginseng leaves, so he's not here right now."_

"_Oh, ok," I sigh in defeat. It would've been a big help if Iroh is there with me. I slowly begin to look again. From all my searching, I find a kettle to heat the water in and the Jasmine leaves. _

"_So, where are you from? Like what town," I hear Jin ask. I pause to hear what Zuko will say. I pray that he is a quick thinker. _

"_I'm from… Kohana," Zuko replies. That was a good answer a lot of people in Ba Sing Seh were from Kohana. It was occupied about three or four month ago. _

"_Really? There are a lot of people here from Kohana. Must be a horrid place," Jin says._

"_Yeah, it was really bad… So, that's why we left."_

_After I find everything I need- except for the cups- I search yet again for the cups. I am almost done searching through all of the cupboards. I really only have a few more to look in. I am at the fourth to the last cupboard and starting to lose patience. I heave the door open and- to my surprise- the cups are there! I grab a cup in victory, happily smiling to myself. I strut to the other end of the counter where the rest of the tools are sitting. I set the cup down beside the kettle and surround the bundle of tea making tools in my arms and pull them taut against my chest. I pull away from the counter, starting to make my way to the heater._

"_I had a really nice time on our date last night. And the kiss was… unexpected, but I liked it. So, thank you," Jin proclaim so loud that everyone can heard that little sentiment._

Crash!

_My smile is gone. My hands are empty. And I feel swelling pain in my feet. To make matters worse, I am on the verge of tears spilling. I don't think; I am just so numb. I can barely hear what is happening outside the kitchen. I just stare at my hands. _

Traitorous things!

"_Katara!" I hear in a panicked muscular voice. I know that voice belongs to Zuko's. I fall to my knees, though I do not know why. My hands begin to swarm around the clutter of dishes and what not. I have to pick up everything. If I get that done, then things will be alright. That is all I need to think of. That is all I can think of if I don't want to explode in tears._

"_Katara, Katara! Are you alright? What happened?" Zuko cries, wrapping his arms around me. He is trying to comfort me and make sure I am ok. _

_How _sweet_…_ _I stare up at him. _

_His eyes are wide with worry. Gold fused with a milked honey glaze. It would have been comforting if I didn't of hear what happened last night. _

_My eyes squint up at Zuko in hatred. My nose wrinkles in disgust. "You swine." I spit at him. My lip trembles and I smash my eyes shut. That will just have to do until I get home where I can cry in private. _

_I get up off my knees, leaving Zuko alone on his knees to think. He doesn't call after me as I walk out of the kitchen, but when I first start to leave, he clenches my hand, begging me not to go. I swipe my hand away from his grip. I begin to walk out of the Jasmine Dragon and on my home._

_As I am walking home, I vow to myself to never think of Zuko in that sort of way ever again. Those feelings I thought I have for him weren't real. I don't feel anything but anger and hatred for him. I vow to myself that I will never fall for Zuko. _

_But I know- though my mind urges me to think differently and my heart weeps at the thought- that I will never do just that. I know that I can't._

Honey, _I think disdainfully, a bitter taste in my mouth, _you're gonna be the death of me.

I shook my head. I didn't want to tell Jang about that part in my past. That was something too personal. Only Zuko and I knew about that. That was just between me and him. "No," I said. "No, we didn't. That was the...first time."

Jang nodded his head.

"Jang," I said, "we should probably go back."

He nodded his head. "Yeah, we should." He stood up himself and then helped me up. He stood there for a moment, looking at me with a goofy gawk. He wanted to do something, but I could tell he wouldn't. He knew he couldn't. Whatever it was.

And I guess I was glad he didn't, though I had a yearning feeling to know what it was he wanted to do. But I was also relieved he didn't because, honestly, I was scared. I was scared of what it was he wanted to do. I didn't dare let my mind wander to the possibilities of what it could be.

There were some things best not known.

* * *

**A/N: Ya'll must hate me...I know. I know. I kind of hate myself as well. It's taken me FOREVER since I last updated! ANd I really don't like that! I would have updated last night, but the laptop was all jacked-up for some reason. So I couldn't finish editing the chapter. It was all crazy. LIke when I would indent, it would indent to over half of the page. Crazy, right? Yeah, I don't know why. It may have something to do with it not being a Word document. It's like Open Office or something. It's really weird. **

**Well, this chapter is very long haha. It was originally over 6,000 words! And I was like "Whoa! WAY too long!" Haha. So I cut it in half, and if I get some time during the weekend, I'll update soon! Because I've already got like 2,000 words for the next chapter! Yah!**

**This chapter really just sums up the conversation Jang and Katara have. I was originally going to end it when Jang and Katara hug, but then I realized that it didn't really cover everything, so I extended it and made Katara explain a little more stuff. **

**About the flashback... I had written the flashback WAY back when I had the original version of Silence Before the storm but it never got published, so it will be new for everyone. **

**ok the reason the punctuation is jacked up is because i am typing this on my phone and nothing will work besides the lowercase letters and period. yeah. so im cringing while im typing this. im such a grammer .**

**well i thoroughly hope you enjoyed this chapter. i you so much guys! please review!**

**neon**


	19. Chapter 19

We walked into the arena side by side, our strides completely in sync. It felt odd walking into the arena. Everyone was sparring; earth and fire was flying through the air. There was also a strange feel, a strange tinge to the environment.

Everyone seemed to look at us as we walked into the room. Discriminating. Like a prostitute walking into a four-year-old's birthday party. Like a cheating wife with her husband's brother getting married. Their disapproving eyes followed us with each step we took. So prejudiced and scorning.

Zuko was in the middle of a bending form. His hands were still covered in fire and out away from his body. His feet were spread far apart in a deadly stance. He hadn't initially seen me coming in. In fact, he would have delivered his attack if he hadn't been paying precise attention to his partner's attitude and demeanor for his partner had gone completely slack, his attention fixed somewhere else entirely.

Me.

Zuko's eyes flickered from his partner to me cautiously and confused. His arms loosened and fell to his sides. His eyes met mine, so golden and full of compassion. A look I longed to see. He almost smiled at me, but remorse held him back.

"I should start training now," Jang said lowly with hesitation in his tone and eyes.

I nodded. "Yeah, that would be best." _Let's not make this anymore of a scene than it already is. _I thought disdainfully, a sour taste left in my mouth. My stomach was churning around fear and irritation, a bitter poison that made me want to vomit.

I watched Jang prepare and loosen up for training. The other soldiers eyed him with scorn and disapproval, like they would if he had bedded me and I was married to Zuko. It was like he was fighting for me almost…Jang was…

Did the other soldiers know about me? Like _know_ about me. I assumed they knew who I was, but that probably didn't extend from "a friend of Zuko". I highly doubted that Zuko had told everyone I was his girlfriend. That wasn't something he would do. At least I didn't think so.

To be honest, I didn't really know Zuko. I knew him from when he had joined us in Ba Sing She, but this _new _Zuko? No, I didn't think I really did know him. It had been over six months since I had last seen him, so how had he changed? Six months was a long time. Plenty of time for a person to change, and he had gone through several transformations in the past. I wasn't sure if we would be the same if he had changed.

I had changed so drastically in six months. For the better or worse, I couldn't tell. And Zuko? He had surely changed. He seemed to be more serious, but that wasn't much of a difference. He had always been serious and determined to get things done, and with the weight of knowing that Sozin's Comet was coming soon was an impending danger that loomed in our minds. But there seemed to be something that hung on his shoulders. Something weighed in his mind, fighting for all of the control.

What could it be…?

I hoped it wasn't something that could hurt us relationally. We had already been hurt so many times before. I was afraid that if we suffered another blow, we wouldn't be able to get up off the ground.

The training continued and everyone soon forgot about me. Though some of the men gave Jang disdainful and disapproving glances.

_What men of honor. _I thought with a small swell of pride, knowing that Zuko had trained these men, hadn't he?

I came to realize that I didn't really know that. I didn't know Zuko's position in the army. I didn't know why he was training them or why _he _had been appointed to do so. I didn't even know how he had stumbled across the army and grown so much to come to some sort of power that the men followed him without question and took in his techniques.

To be honest, I didn't know a lot of what had happened to Zuko between when he had left and when we had reconciled. True, it was only my first real day being in the army, but still. I had asked earlier in the morning, but Zuko had shrugged me off, saying it was a long story.

I believed him. My story was long as well, but it wasn't very exciting. It really just consisted of about four or five months of me in hatred and anger and even more sadness until I had decided I needed to find Zuko. It was probably nothing compared to what Zuko had gone through.

What had he gone through? Why had he even pushed the matter aside? He had seemed…withdrawn and distant. As if he wanted to stay away from that topic at all costs. What had happened?

After hours of training, everyone left to go to dinner. All the soldiers filed out of the arena sweaty and hungry. Jang left as well, knowing it was probably best to go with everyone else. I mean, after all, I was Zuko's girlfriend and not Jang's.

Zuko was across the arena, grabbing his shirt when I strode over to him. He draped his shirt over his arm and turned to me. He smiled lightly and said, "Hi."

I smiled back. "Hi." I didn't know what else to say. That was all that came to mind. Hi. Nothing else. But perhaps there wasn't anything else that needed to be said from me. maybe it was best that Zuko did most of the talking.

"So," he started quietly, just above a whisper.

I looked at him earnestly, waiting for him to continue.

"Did you fix things with Jang?" Zuko asked.

I swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah, we did."

Zuko stared at me for a moment, studying me. He didn't say anything for a second. He assessed my appearance, the way I looked, what his behind my eyes. He gazed at me with remorse and concern and confusion strewn all across his features. He was hesitant as well, reluctant to ask me another question. But he did anyways.

"How do you know him?"

I glanced down. I gripped my forearm, hugging that arm to my body. My eyelids fell down half way, feeling heavy with regret and apprehension. "Um, it's a—" I blinked furiously— "long story," I said with an airy chuckle.

His eyebrows wrinkled and he looked confused. "What do you mean?"

I shrugged half-heartedly, staring deadpanned at Zuko. "I met him in the forest," I said vaguely.

Zuko gave me a worried look. Protective. Shock and concern flashed through his eyes as they flickered to mine. Here and gone again like a candle's flame being blown out. "You were in the forest?" he questioned, his voice rising from concern and flat out worry.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I was looking for you," I said, gazing into his eyes sullenly and a bit tearful. I don't know where they were coming from, but the tears just suddenly _showed up_. I shakily took in a breath of air.

Zuko's mouth slightly parted, an act of shock. His knowledge of all I had been through collapsing under the weight of my words. "What?" he asked, struggling to get the word out through his constricted throat. "Why?"

My lip quivered. "Because…" I took a deep, unsteady breath. "It's because I needed to find you. I needed to find you so desperately." A tear fell from my eye, marking the beginning of a sequence of tears.

"Why did you need to find me?" Zuko questioned.

"I needed to because you had to know the truth. You had to know that I was sorry and so regretful of making you leave and that I still love you," I said as more tears slid down my cheeks.

"And that's why you're here?" he asked astonished.

I gulped. "Yeah," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "You just needed to know."

"How did you realize that?"

I shrugged. I wasn't really sure how myself. It just sort of _happened_. Nothing really _big _happened the day I figured I was being a dunderhead. There wasn't anything that lead up to that point in my life. "I'm not really sure, honestly. One day I was…" I paused, thinking about what I had been doing, "cooking lunch, I think. And I just started thinking and thinking over and over in my head what had happened over the last few months because I had finally gotten over the death of Aang."

"What _had _happened?"

I gulped and stared at Zuko with horror. I wasn't ready to tell him what had happened during the months he had been gone. It wasn't something I was ready to tell anyone. I wasn't ready to. I wasn't at that stage in my healing. I didn't know if anyone besides Sokka and Zuko would know that I had been depressed. I

That part of me was so hidden, so secretive, so _dark_ that I wanted as few people to know as possible. My depression was so personal, it was hard to explain to others. It was the one thing that I didn't want everyone to know. I can't say exactly why, but I knew deep, down inside me that I was ashamed of it.

I felt this small surge that surely it was going to grow bigger and bigger. It sped through my being every so often, like an arrow to the stomach, so quickly that sometimes it was hard to register what it was. And every time my depression was mentioned, it happened. It zapped my veins, heart, and brain, holding me back from describing my depression.

It felt like this whole ordeal was like a hurricane. A giant storm in my life. I felt like I couldn't outrun it. I felt like there was no escaping this part of me. It seemed to follow me around wherever I went. It stood in my doorway while I had happiness in my hall. It stood there seven cities ago as well.

Perhaps if I just waited it out. Then maybe? Maybe then could I finally be at peace? Or did I have to trudge through it and suffer for awhile longer. Waiting for the dust to still seemed like the best way to, but I didn't believe it ever would.

"Um," I mumbled. I looked down and muttered, "Not now, Zuko."

He looked at me with concern. He sighed, defeated. "I just don't understand," he finally said. "I don't know where to begin. I want to help you so badly, Katara. I want to break this spell you seem to be under. I want to protect you from this battle, but I don't know how."

I gazed up at Zuko. "You don't have to protect me, Zuko. I have to go through this on my own. This has to be done by me, and I don't think there's anything you can do to help me besides just be here for me," I said. For some reason, at my last statement, I burst into tears. I lunged at Zuko and wrapped my arms around him. I wanted to feel him beside me, that was all I wanted more than anything at that moment. I cried harder and with my emotion again. The same as I had last night.

I can't explain why, but I was crying again. I had thought I was done crying last night, but I guess not. I didn't understand it. Why was I still having the need to cry? Shouldn't I have been done last night?

Zuko enfolded his arms around me just as I had. His warmth filled my body, through my clothes and skin. It brought comfort to me. "I'll do just that," he reassured me. "I'll be here whenever you need me, Katara. I'll be by your side, whenever you fall, in the dead of night, whenever you call," he promised me just as he had last night.

"I…" I sobbed out, "I love you." Another ripple of sobs erupted inside me and I shook furiously. I club tightly to Zuko and I wished he had a shirt on so I could cling tightly to it. As tightly as I wanted without hurting him. That's all I wanted. All I _needed_. To cling to something. Some_one. _

I needed to feel something. I needed to feel something solid. I needed to have that sense of stability and shelter that only something firmly rooted to this earth mentally and physically could provide. I needed something that wouldn't slip right through my fingers and dissolve into the atmosphere. I needed Zuko here to deliver me from this darkness that was fighting for control.

And I was losing.

Zuko tightened his grip on me. "I love you."

Zuko and I went to dinner after I had finished crying. He had stayed by me and he had comforted me for as long as it took for me to calm down. That hadn't taken too long. I hadn't been too upset. For whatever reason I had been upset in the first place.

After dinner ended, Zuko and I walked about the base. He showed me around and made sure I knew my way around the base to an extent. He showed me the barracks and the mess hall again. he showed me the way to my room and made sure I knew how to get from my room to the mess hall and the barracks and everywhere else. Though he highly doubted I would have much need to be in the barracks. Zuko finally ended the tour with his room.

We stood at his door, unwilling to enter into it as if it were taboo. And, in all seriousness, it sort of was to an extent. To enter into Zuko's room would have been awkward and uncomfortable even if we weren't to do _anything_ whatsoever but simply talk. But if I did enter into his room, talk would certainly spark.

I stared at the heavy door. "So this is your room?" I asked heavily and wearily.

Zuko nodded. "Yeah." He gazed down at the floor and then rubbed his toe across the floor timidly. He raised his head back up and met my eyes. "Listen," he said, "I know this whole experience must be really confusing and scary for you, but I want you to know that I'm always here for you. I will always be here for you."

I grimaced slightly. I hated those words. I hated that sort of promise. They never prevailed and never became true. It just didn't happen. But I didn't let Zuko know that I didn't believe his words even though he had just told me that exact same promise before dinner. I didn't know why, but the more someone said something, the less I believed it. I simply weakly smiled at him and said, "Thank you." I drew my gaze to the ground. "Um," I mumbled, "Zuko," I called, drawing his attention.

"Yeah?"

"What happened after you left?" I asked. "I mean, you seem different. Really different."

"Katara," he sighed. "It's been six months. That's a long time. So many things happen."

I nodded my head. Of course, six months was a long time. I knew that for a fact and so many things happen in six months. Far too many things than should be allowed in such an amount of time.

"People change."

"Are you saying you're different?" I asked.

"Well, no," Zuko answered. "But then," he looked at the ground as he rephrased his answer. "Yes. I sort of have. Just as you have as well."

I was taken aback my his answer. I quickly became angry at his words. "What are you saying?" I asked agitated.

"I'm saying," he amended, "that we all change no matter what. It's a natural part of life."

"Are you saying that me being..._depressed_ was just a part of life?" I hissed threateningly at him. "That that was supposed, _destined_ to happen?"

"No," he replied. "That's not at all what I mean. What I'm trying to say is that everyone changes for the better or worse. You may have changed, gone through the depression for the better or for the worse. There's no way of knowing really."

I gulped and slowly nodded my head. I understood. I understood just fine. "Yeah..." I quietly whispered. I turned my gaze to the ground. "I'm sorry I got kind of angry with you."

Zuko softly smiled. "It's alright. I understand." Silence grew larger and larger between the two of us. It seemed to grow over us and swallow us whole until Zuko spoke up. He kept his gaze to the ground, so withdrawn and evasive. "It's..." he quietly started, "it's like your back from the dead almost."

The word _dead_ sent a startling jolt to my heart. I bit my lip.

"I didn't know if you were alive or dead. I had no way of knowing how you were doing," he said. "It's sometimes hard to really know that you're here now. Safe and sound. It's almost too good to be true. So surreal."

His words and feelings that he was pouring out to me made me want to cry. I had no idea he felt that way. And I felt that way too made it even more special.

"I'm afraid that I'll wake up and you'll be gone forever. I'm afraid that this is all a dream. That if I even touch you, you'll disappear before my very eyes. It's scary," he admitted.

I bit my lip. "Oh, Zuko..." I whispered. "I'm here now. I'm really here," I said as I walked up to him and hugged him.

He returned the hug quickly, folding his arms across my back, holding me close to his chest. He held me so securely and warmly. We finally let go of one another.

I smile at him, and he smiled back at me. I yawned and stretched my arms out. It was becoming quite a long night. "I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning," I declared.

Zuko stole a look at me for a second or two longer before closing in on me with his arms outstretched. "Ok." He hugged me, holding me close. And he felt really warm.

I couldn't tell why, but I felt like crying again in his arms. I was such an emotional wreck. I cried at just about everything. Why? I couldn't understand it. I was just emotional. I pulled out of his hug. "Um," I mumbled and wrapped my arms around myself. "Night," I quietly said.

"Good night."

I slowly and almost hesitantly turned around and started to walk to my room. Once I was sure I was out of Zuko's earshot, I began to slowly and quietly enough cry. Tears slid down my cheeks seamlessly and I clutched my stomach tightly. I made it to my room soon. From then on, I made up my bed and crawled into the sheets. I cried myself to sleep that night.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, it's been way too long since I last uploaded a chapter and I'm sorry for that. My entire apology and reason for it taking me so long in Fate's Sense of Humor, and it's REALLY long, so I'm not going to bother and repeat it all. No, no way.**

**Ok, this chapter is pretty long. I just couldn't find myself at any sort of stopping point. I really love writing this story. It's by far my favorite. And I can really relate to it because I've gone through depression and I'm taking all the stages I went through during it and basically writing about it. Which is sort of strange, you know? I don't know. Sort of surreal looking back on it and knowing that I'd gone through all of that for 2 years, and so many suicide attempts and yet here I am today, writing all about it. It's amazing, huh?**

**Well, this chapter lets us take a look into really how Zuko feels and thinks about this whole situation. WEll, more at the end it does. I've really been thnking about doing a version of this in Zuko's point of view. Someone said to me that they would love to either read this or Fate's Sense of Humor from Zuko's perspective and earlier on in the beginning of either this version or the old version-I think it was this version-I had already come up with the idea of it. **

**I have figured out what Zuko went through between when he left and when Katara found him. Interested? well, I'm not going to tell you. Yes, I'm so mean haha. I'm not quite sure whether to have him explain it in this story or go ahead and make a version from Zuko's point of view and explain it from there, not touching it at all in this story. Hm...decisions decisions. **

**Please help me decided! Tell me what you think of Silence Before the Storm from Zuko's point of view.**

**Thank you guys so much and please reivew!**

**-Neon**


	20. Chapter 20

I couldn't exactly say why I was so upset. I just was. Lately I had been really upset and I got very saddened by the simplest of things. If things at all.

I didn't understand it all why I was like that. I felt like I could cry at anything at all. It made me mad actually. I felt mad at myself that I could be so weak. That I could crumble at any second without any warning whatsoever. But then I also felt sympathy and understanding for myself.

I saw that being upset and very emotionally unstable was just another part of healing. I knew that I was going to have to go through this stage in order for me to feel whole again and for me to win this fight over depression. And I knew most definitely that after this stage was over, I was going to have to battle another once again. It being doubly hard.

I was ready though. I was ready to face whatever I had to face in order to heal properly and completely. I was willing to fight whatever I needed to and I was determined to win.

I swore to myself that I wasn't going to let the darkness swallow me up like that again. I swore to myself that I would never lose myself so much and distort my view of life. I was unwaveringly sure that I was never going to let myself fall like that again. That I wasn't going to let the darkness lay me down one more time and drown my will to fly.

I wondered why it took me so long to come to this revelation. I wondered why it took me so long to realize that I wasn't a lost cause. It baffled me so why now was the time for me to start to change and heal. Why was I just now beginning to be like this?

That subject sort of made me angry. I was angry with myself and God for it happening to me now. For my healing and transformation to not have had happened months ago. I got so angry over the subject that I would have tears in my eyes. It made me so upset and distraught.

I wanted to scream, whisper, cry, and shout over the matter. I was so frustrated and confused why it was all happening now. Why _any_ of it had happened. I wanted to know why I was being put through this. Why I was being put through the mental and emotional torment. And I wanted to know why me. Why was _I _like this?

There were so many questions that I couldn't answer. So many that others could not answer either. I didn't think anyone on the earth could answer the questions I had. And I knew I was just going to have to live with the questions and uncertainty though I hated so.

The next morning I felt like I had dragged myself right out of a grave. I felt like a zombie for I had gotten no sleep whatsoever. I just couldn't find a comfortable position or spot on my sleeping mat. I found my cheeks caked with dry tears and I was almost drained of energy. That was typical though.

I got ready for the day quickly and then left my room. I wandered around the halls of the base for some time; just trying to get a feel for being in an army base for it was a bit different than the usual living conditions I had lived in with Sokka and Aang. It was so strange and a bit surreal to think about how much things had changed over time. To look back and see yourself from the past and take note of the differences between your present self and your past self.

I looked back on my past self often and saw a girl I didn't even recognize. I had no idea who she was anymore. But, then again, I had no idea who I was anymore either. I had changed so drastically over the year that I was not the same girl I was anymore. Not the same girl who I had been just a year ago.

And that was a scary thought.

Was I done changing? Or would I forever be stuck in this endless cycle of changing over and over again throughout the years? Would I never find who I was meant to be?

I couldn't concentrate and see my real self anymore. There were so many voices ringing in my ear, telling me where to go, how to get there, who to be, how to act. Everything! I wasn't thinking for myself and I knew it.

I knew I wouldn't normally do the things I had done or the things I was going to do or was doing. In the back of my mind, I was thinking that if I wasn't sick, I wouldn't be doing this. I wouldn't be throwing my life away. I wouldn't be trying to end it.

But still…even yet, I knew what was going on. I knew what was happening. But I didn't stop it from progressing. I didn't stop it at all. I was too weak to stop all of the sudden and rapid changes that went on inside me.

Was there anything I could have done though? Was there something in my power to stop it? Or was I just weak?

Some nights—most nights—I would lay awake and wonder what I did to become like this. Sometimes I wondered if this was always meant to be or if I did something that changed my path. I wondered if I could have done something different to have kept this from happening. Oh, well. I guess I would never truly know.

"Katara!" someone called my name from behind.

I twisted around to face them. It was Diasuke. He was dressed in the same grey uniform that all the other men wore in the army. I couldn't tell what rank he was by his uniform just yet though. I smiled at him. Oh, it nice to see a friendly and smiling face for once. "Hi," I said.

Wait…how did he know my real name? The name he had been told was On Ji.

"Good morning," he greeted.

"How do you know my real name?" I asked bewildered. Had Jang or Zuko told him? Who else knew?

"Jang and Zuko sat Chikyu, Shang, Diasuke, and I down last night after you went to bed. They both explained things to us about how you are Zuko's friend, the Avatar's waterbending teacher, things like that," he replied.

"Oh." I turned my gaze down. I wished I had gotten the chance to tell everyone else myself. "I'm sorry for lying," I said.

Takeshi shrugged. "I understand why you did it. I probably would if I were in your place."

I looked up at him. "Really?" I asked as hope began to bud.

He nodded. "Yeah, I mean, when you're in a territory where you are wanted, it's best to lie about your motives behind trying to find the army base," he answered.

I smiled at him. "Thank you."

"No, problem," he said with a smile of his own. It was a nice smile. Sincere. I liked it. "So how are you doing?" he asked, and we continued to walk through the hallway.

"To be honest," I answered, "I'm a little tired."

Takeshi sighed a little bit. "Yeah, me too. It's always tough for me to get used to the sleeping mats in the base."

I nodded. "They're not that comfortable," I added.

"How have things been going?" He questioned. "Are you doing alright?"

I shrugged. _Not at all_. I took a deep breath and I stared forward hard. "Alright, I guess," I said. I shrugged again. "Not the best I've been, but not the worst," I sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"I just feel…" I trailed off with a huff of air. How was I to say it? "I just feel unwanted here." I faced him. "Does that make sense?"

Takeshi held my gaze and didn't falter. He didn't answer my question either.

"I mean, I don't feel like the men trust me. I feel like they don't want me here. Like they think I've done something wrong." _And I have…_ I thought bitterly to myself as a scowl formed.

"Why do you feel that way?" he asked.

"When I walked into the training room the other day, I felt like everyone was staring at me disapprovingly. It felt awful. Sometimes I wonder if they think…bad things about me. Things between Zuko, Jang, and I. I feel like everyone thinks poorly of me," I admitted, spilling out my thoughts.

"I don't think poorly of you," Takeshi offered, a small smile brimming across his lips.

I weakly smiled in return. Maybe not everyone thought badly about me. But only three did. Not exactly the majority.

"I wouldn't worry about the men too much, Katara. They will warm up to you in time. You didn't do anything wrong after all and you've got nothing to hide," he suggested. "People will always gossip and think badly of you, and you'll never be able to change that. But what you can change is how it affects you. You will die trying to please everyone," he counseled.

"Some people will accept you while others will not. It's all about how much you try. If you try your hardest to show people you are not what they perceive you to be here, but they don't try at all, that's not your fault and there's nothing more you can do. All that matters is what's in here," he said, holding a finger to my heart.

"'Above your hips, below your lips, your heart steadily beats _thrum, thrum, thrum._ Continue on your pace and you'll lose your face. Keep track of what's dear or else it will become stonily seared. Remember what's above your hips and below your lips and your heart will continue to beat _thrum, thrum, thrum_,'" he said with eloquence and so fluidly.

I was totally in awe of his words, whether they were his own or not. It was beautiful. And so true.

I gazed up at him. He was right. I wasn't going to please everyone in the world, but I was going to please the people most important to me. My friends and family. I would try to make friends with everyone else in the army and win their favor, but if I couldn't them all then that was alright. "Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome."

Takeshi was a really wise man who knew how life worked and how to get through it without totally destroying yourself. He was a nice guy too and a good friend. I was glad I knew him.

"That was beautiful," I commented.

"It's a poem I wrote," he replied.

I gaped at him. "You wrote that? It's amazing."

Takeshi smiled and blushed a hint. "Thank you."

Takeshi and I went to breakfast together and from there, he introduced me to some of the men. He was right about trying my best. It came naturally to socialize and talk with people. I found that I was wanted and that if I gave people a chance they would accept me.

There were so many things I seemed to be slowly learning all over again. I wanted to know more and more. I felt like a small child that just came to the conclusion that her parents are not only called "Mom" and "Dad". It was strange, but so addicting.

It was the world was all of a sudden light again. I felt as if I wasn't only in the dark. I was still in the dark and I still felt its presence around me, but there was something else. I couldn't put my finger on it. Love? Forgiveness? Reconciliation?

Whatever it was, I liked it. I wanted more of it and I didn't want to let it go. It was warm and nice to the touch. It tasted so sweet in my mouth like a hard candy with a surprise center. It was magical.

For once I wasn't pondering the concept of life and death or good and evil. I was just living in the moment. All I was concerned about was what was going on in my life at that very moment.

It was so hard to describe the sensation I felt in my heart, mind, and soul. It was overwhelming. And I was embracing it. I felt the opposite and so new. But I also felt like a part of me that had been asleep was awake all over again due to some phenomenon. I felt like my old self was back again.

It was an incredible feeling that I did not want to let go of. I dared not go into the logistics of it for I feared that if I did so I would lose the feeling forever. I prayed that feeling would no longer be gone at any time. That I would always have that wonderful feeling inside me.

For once in my life, I felt at peace and happy.

For once in my life, I had a smile on my face for more than five minutes. I was smiling so much my ears began to hurt, in fact. It was the best feeling I had had in so long. It was like no other.

I knew that as I laid in the darkness and as I wavered on the brink of light and dark, I found myself. I found my old self lying beside me. I saw that she was always there with me and always had been. I saw that I had never lost my true self. It just couldn't see it. I just couldn't see the person I once had been.

Knowing that I hadn't completely destroyed the way I used to be gave me hope. It gave me an reassuringly amount of hope. The amount was small, it was just enough. I was going to break free of this.

Through the entire day, I slowly realized that even in the depths of winter, there was an invincible summer that resided within me.

* * *

**A/N:**** Hey! I'm not late for once! Yah! I bet you guys are so proud of me, aren't you? Well, I'm not real proud of myself mostly because I've been sleep-deprived all week and updating at 11 pm isn't really helping my problems. Plus my laptop is residing on my chest and every time I hit the spacebar a weird vibration is jolted through my chest. Not very comfortable. Ooooooohhhhh, what I do for you guys!**

**I sincerely hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter. I took about a week to write it actually. It didn't take very long, but then again, it isn't that long. It isn't very long because I'm tired and I reached over 2,000 words and I've got school tomorrow. That's why it's not longer. Deal with it.**

**This chapter really deals with katara's feelings and how she views herself and her depression. It also has to do with how she's dealing with the depression and how she plans on taking care of it. I feel like this chapter is very important in the whole story because it's almost a breaking point for our heroine. **

**Can anyone guess what Katara was feeling at the end of the chapter? JOY! I really and distinctly remember how iit felt to have joy in my life once again. it was very surreal and addicting, to be honest.**

**The poem Takeshi recites is by me, so i didn't just like copy and paste off some website even though I've been a really lazy mood. To be honest, there are about three or four different versions of that poem because I keep reciting it over and over in my haed and every few times, it changes. **

**Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. thanks so much for readign! i really appreciate ti! ANd sorry my grammer is so bad. I'm just too tired to fix any of it. Please reivew!**

**-Neon**


	21. Chapter 21

After training, we went to dinner; we had hot rolls and stew. I saw Jang sit down beside some other soldiers and I decided that I should move over beside him. There were still some things I needed to talk about with him.

I had figured a lot of things out since I had arrived at the army base, but there was still one thing that I could not figure out for the life of me. When I had first met Jang, he had said I looked familiar and then had proceeded to almost kiss me. I still couldn't understand why I had looked so familiar to him. I couldn't put my finger on it.

I thought perhaps he had seen a picture of me, but Zuko didn't have any pictures of me. I had refused to have any of me. I still didn't want to have a picture of myself to this day.

I finally decided to just ask Jang why he had stated I had looked familiar to him. There was no harm in it and it was a much better alternative than letting the thought incessantly gnaw away at my brain like a fly on a peach.

I stood before the table with my bowl in hand. "Hi," I beamed. "Mind if I join you?" I asked.

Jang shook his head. "No."

I smiled at him and took a seat converse to him. "Ok," I started as I rolled my spoon around in my stew. "So do you remember that first night we met?" I asked, looking up at him. I moved my hands from the table to my lap.

He gazed at me for a second, in thought. "When we were by the fire?" he questioned.

I nodded my head. "Yeah."

"Mhm. What about it?"

"Well," I started, not really sure how to put it. How was I supposed to ask a question like that anyways? "Do you remember what you said?" My voice softened for I did not want any of the surrounding soldiers to overhear us and report it back to Zuko and because I was starting to become a little embarrassed. I dropped my head, my balled hands becoming very entertaining. "While we were getting dangerously close to one another?" I meekly asked, a blush starting to spread.

"Oh," was all he said. "Yeah… I do…" he said shyly.

I stole a glance at him. He had a blush of his own and he was looking at his lap just as I was. We were kind of the same, if you thought about it. Same mannerisms and such.

"You said I looked familiar."

"I did."

I looked at Jang more boldly. I pierced him with my eyes, willing him to look at me as well. "Why did you say that?" I asked.

Jang glanced at me. His golden eyes were soft and sweet looking. "Because you do," he simply stated with a small shrug.

"But how?" I questioned feeling a bit frustrated. I was very confused as to how I could appear to be familiar to man I had never met before in my life. I was sure I had never met him before. I would have remembered if I had. There was just no way I could forget him.

And even if it had been something as quick as brushing shoulders in the market place, why would he have even remembered a simple and insignificant encounter like that? Let alone what I looked like. How could this be?

"Well, you see," Jang started. "Zuko and I have known each other before."

I looked at him with suspicion and apprehension. What was that supposed to mean? They knew each other before they were both part of the army? "What do you mean?" I cautiously asked.

"We met almost a year ago," he answered, "in town."

That made some sense. Almost a year ago was when Zuko had been out on his own. That had been after I had made him leave. My brow furrowed. Instead of getting a straightforward answer like I had hoped for, I was getting into what I knew was going to be a long story. "How did you meet?" I asked.

"It's a long story," he said as he backed out a little. "And I think you should hear it from Zuko rather than me."

What was that supposed to mean? How could they have met? What had had happened between those two? What had happened to _Zuko_?

My mind flashed back to the many scars I had seen that streaked across Zuko's chest. I quietly gasped. Things were starting to connect into place, and I wasn't so sure I liked the way things were headed.

"But that still doesn't answer my question," I said.

Jang grimaced slightly. He weighed his options and whether or not he should answer my question of not. He opened his mouth and then closed it. "Basically," he forced out slowly and with pauses between syllables, "Zuko described you to me very vividly, and that's why you looked so familiar to me. I could still freshly imagine your face and the way you looked just from Zuko's description."

I slowly nodded my head. "Alright," I cautiously said. I eyed Jang suspiciously. Something was up, and I wanted to find out what had occurred between the two men.

"So I talked to Jang yesterday," I said nonchalantly as I folded a shirt. My back was to Zuko, but I could feel his eyes upon me. I was trying to bring up the topic of what had happened after Zuko had left as casually as possible. I didn't want to come right out and ask him what had happened like last time. I knew that he would instantly shut me out if I did it that way. I needed to approach the topic delicately.

We were in my room folding laundry. They had been washed and dried and needed to be put away. There was a ton of laundry to be folded and we weren't the only ones working on it. There were at least fifteen other men putting away the laundry. It was going to take a while, but that was alright. If Zuko decided to clamp up after I asked him about what he had gone through after he had left, then I would definitely have another chance to do so.

"That's good," Zuko commented.

I nodded my head. "Mhm." I put the folded shirt into the drawer.

"What did you talk about?" he asked.

I paused. "Oh, just things," I elusively said. I turned to Zuko. "One thing that really struck me during our conversation was that Jang had met you before you were in the army." I gazed at him boldly and placed a hand on my hip.

Zuko froze. I had definitely hit a pressure point. I was going to have be really careful on how I went about it.

I walked up to him, easing my way into his heart. I stood beside him. "What happened?" I asked. "How did you two met?"

He turned from me. "It's a long story," he replied gravely.

"Please tell me."

"Some other time, Katara."

I bit my lip and studied his back. I felt bad for him. I _knew_ what it was like to have so many emotions and angst pent up inside. It wasn't a good feeling. Not at all.

I knew I was probably the last person that should be giving advice, but I cared for him just as he cared for me. He needed someone to be there for him just as I did. I wasn't going to just stand on the sidelines and watch whatever this was eat away at him and destroy him. I wanted to help.

I rested my hands on his shoulders. "Zuko…" I murmured. Oh, how I wished he would let me.

"Just drop it," he snapped. He turned towards me. A soft smile and expression spread across his face. "Please?"

I bit my lip again and nodded my head.

We finished with the laundry we had and then went to bed. The next morning, I woke up, got dressed, and headed to the mess hall. I ate breakfast rather quickly and went to the training room. Many of the other men were already in the room and were warming up and talking to each other.

We went in a steady routine for the day. We finished with training and then dinner. For the night, we spent it either alone in our rooms or with friends. I spent my evening with Zuko. We were walking down the hallways together just talking. It was nice.

"Katara," Zuko said, "I want you to do something for me."

I looked up at him. "What is it?" I asked.

He kept his eyes forward and steady. He didn't really look at me, but rather at something else in the distance. "I want you to write to your brother," he instructed.

"Sokka?" I blurted out, wondering why on earth he wanted me to do that. Sokka and I hadn't talked or seen each other in so long. Perhaps a month. And even when we had been living together, we still hadn't been talking. After I had admitted that I was in love with Zuko, Sokka had barely said anything to me. Why would Zuko want me to write a letter to him?

He nodded his head once. "Yes."

My eyebrows crinkled together and I eyed Zuko persistently. "Why do you want me to do that?" I questioned.

"Because before I left, you two weren't as close as you used to be, and I fear things only got worse after I left," he elaborated.

I stopped walking. I faced Zuko and placed my hands on my hips. I was just a bit angry that he would assume something like that. Even if it was true. It wasn't really in his place to be telling me what I needed to do and what should be done. He was my brother anyways.

"How would you know if things got worse? You weren't there," I defended crossly.

A sliver of hurt traversed his face. He looked at me pointedly. "Need I remind you that I was gone because of you?" he snapped as he took me head on.

My expression darkened and I grew more frustrated with him. "He's my brother; you have no business trying to reunite us or whatever!" I shot back.

"Maybe I'm trying to because I care about you, and he may be the only family you have left after this war!" Zuko cried.

My lips pursed and I jutted my head to the left in defiance. I kept watch of the ground. I gritted my teeth in frustration. "It doesn't matter anyways," I muttered. "We aren't even talking," I admitted.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because he knows."

"Knows what?"

"About you and me." I felt some tears in my eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut and curled my fingers into fists. I felt so sad and angry at Sokka for that night. For the night we had fought when I told Zuko that I loved Zuko. I was so upset that he was that prejudiced and unwilling to see that I had actually been happy in the least bit way with Zuko. I was angry that he couldn't see that not all firebenders were bad.

But most of all, I was hurt that we weren't talking and that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore because of that. I wanted my brother. I wanted to be close to him again. I wanted to laugh and talk and even argue like we used to. I wanted all of that so much. I wanted it to much that I felt like crying.

I knew things would never go back to the way things had been, but I couldn't help but yearn for it to be so. I wanted things to be happy again. I wanted my life back.

Tears rolled from my eyes and down my cheeks. I sniffled a little bit.

"Hey, it's alright," he soothed. Zuko wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

I cried into his chest for some time. I didn't wrap my arms around him, but rather just let them hang limply at him side. I didn't want to hold him. I wanted to be _held_.

"He hates me!" I cried. "I just know he does! He called me a traitor when he found out!"

"He doesn't hate you, Katara."

I cried even harder after that. It seemed like I had tears to shed every night. I cried just about every night since I had arrived at the base. But I figured that was alright.

Zuko comforted me while I cried. He held me tightly against him, strongly. He whispered in my ear sweet messages and stroked my hair.

I took a shaky breath and pulled away from him. I gazed up at Zuko into his eyes. My eyes were still a bit watery, but I saw his golden eyes just fine. "Maybe you're right," I finally said. "Maybe I should write to Sokka."

He nodded his head once affectionately. "Maybe it's for the better that you two reconcile," he added.

I nodded my head as well. "Perhaps." I bit my lip. "But what if he doesn't respond?" I questioned. My eyes widened in fear. "Or worse. What if he does respond?" I asked in horror. "What if he is angry with me and hates me?"

"It's alright, Katara," Zuko assuaged. "Do not be anxious about the future. Whatever happens is for a reason. Sokka is your brother and he loves you. He will be rejoicing upon hearing that you are safe and sound."

I bit my lip. I worriedly thought over his words. My mind was whirling in a fit of worry and fear. "But," I interjected, "how can you be so sure?" I exasperatedly queried.

"Because he is your brother and he loves you," he reassured. "Even if he is mad at you, he can't stay mad at your forever and he will forgive you."

I nodded my head. I supposed he was right. Sokka was my brother. Even if he didn't want to talk to me, I would talk to him. I had to patch things up between us again. He may be the only family I had and I couldn't let him go. "Alright," I gulped. "I will write to him."

Zuko softly smiled. "I'm glad. You're doing the right thing." He lightly kissed the top of my head. "Things will work out; I'm sure of it."

I took a deep breath and nodded once.

I wondered why things were going in the direction they were. I wondered if I was really on the path to healing. I worried that I was just headed for more destruction though. Only time would tell, I guess.

I wondered how long it would take for me to heal. I knew it wasn't going to be easy nor quick, but still wondered just how long. Sometimes it felt so surreal to know that I was on the mend. It felt like it was a dream, like I was on cloud nine almost.

I worried that I would all of a sudden instantly wake up in a cold sweat and realize that it was all a dream. That having courage and going to find Zuko was all a dream. That he had totally left Sokka and me behind like he was taking out the trash. I worried that my happy times were going to come to a quick, but painful end.

At times, though, I was afraid to let go of my depression. I was afraid because it felt like that was all I had known. All I had been. It was like a drug almost. I wanted to let go of it, but, then again, I didn't.

I didn't want to let it lay me down again. I didn't want it to lock me up inside. And yet…somehow…for some reason, I didn't want to live without it. It was enthralling and invigorating, but also scary and dark. I wanted to stay in love with my sorrow for some reason.

And that scared me.

* * *

**A/N: Hey! I'm actually kind of early. I hope anyways. For some reason, I've had a lot of time to write. I'm not exactly sure because I've been having a ton of homework lately, but I still have time to write. that's probably because I forget about my biology homework. Hm...that may be why I have a C...No, that's actually because I bombed the test. **

**In this chapter, Katara finds more stuff out about what happened to Zuko! Anyone have a guess about what he went through? I'm still not sure about how I'm going to tell you guys about it-through this story or have another version through Zuko's point of view? Hm...decisions, decisions...**

**Lately, I've been listening to The String Quartet. Random, I know. Just thought I'd share that with you though.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks so much and please review!**

**-Neon**


	22. Chapter 22

I sighed as I rolled my brush between my fingers. I bit my lip and harshly stared at the parchment. There were not words on it besides "Dear Sokka". That was it. That was all I could come up with. I had tried several different times before, but they all ended up the same way—in the trash.

I dipped my brush back into the ink and drew a character. _I really can't believe I'm writing to you. It wasn't my initial idea to write; it wasn't even _my_ idea in the first place_, I started out. I groaned and smashed the parchment in my hands. I tossed it aside and pulled out another sheet. I smoothed it out, dipped my brush in the ink again, and held it pointedly in position to write another character on the paper.

I breathed deeply, trying to channel my inner thoughts. I needed to find the right words to say to go into the right sentence to make the right paragraph. Easier said than done though. Especially since Sokka and I had left off on such a bad note.

Ugh! Why was it so hard for me to talk? Why was it so hard for me to come out with what was going on? I didn't have any problem yelling at Zuko about what had happened and how I felt. So why was it now?

I threw down the brush, and it toppled onto the parchment. The ink splattered across the sheet and sprayed a bit onto my face. I wiped it off with a languid pout.

_What next?_ I bitterly thought._ Why not just strike me down now? After all…I'm not doing any good. I'm just _here_. Just someone _there._ Useless! I'm grinding…_ I thought precariously. _With my eyes wide_.

I wondered what I was doing here on earth. Why was I still here? I felt as if I was going through a phase, shifting from one to the other after each day passed. It felt like a shift, like I was slowly grinding through them. One after the after. After the other. After the other.

And I felt like I wasn't doing anything right.

So why was I still here? Why was I still going on? The Lord had taken so many of my own people, so why was _I _still here? Why was _I_—of all the people in the entire world!—still alive?

I felt as if I was the last one left. The last one to be standing, though I felt like I was still on the ground. The wind gone from my lungs having been knocked out from underneath me. And yet I was still here…

_So what the hell am I doing right?_

What was the plan? Time flowed like a river and always in the same place and the place it was bound to go. It was destiny, fate, future. But what was mine? Why wasn't it to end sooner? Why was I meant to live longer than I had hoped and planned?

Why?

Why was I to live another year? Why was I to see another sunset and sunrise? Why was I to feel one more instance of love and passion and pain? Why was I to cry one more tear? Why?

There were so many questions that started with why. Why this? Why that? Why now? Why later? Why not? Too many to answer. Just too many, I supposed.

To be honest, I felt missing. So missing and alone and forgotten by everyone. I had tried to walk with my hope and love and happiness, but night had grown too quickly and had totally destroyed what I had. I had reached out, yearning for it so desperately, but it had been gone.

Sometimes I felt like I heard it softly calling for me. Just a small whisper that was as faint as someone's heartbeat. It was somewhere. Somewhere I couldn't see or think of. Like a distant shore off the coast of a foreign country. I heard it softly crying for the way it was before.

I sighed from exhaustion and cradled my face with my hands. I closed my eyes; they were so heavy I could barely keep them open. Sokka's face flashed through my mind and then Zuko's and Toph's and then Aang's. My eyes watered and I quickly wiped them away.

I took a deep breath and then threw away the old parchment paper. I decided to go to bed for the night and pick up my work in the morning. I was exhausted and tired; I was ready for bed and I needed my rest.

I put away my brush and the ink. I quickly stripped into my chemise, neatly folding my tunic on the floor by my shoes. I unfolded my sleeping mat and pulled the blankets up to the top. I slipped in and tried to relax. I felt my muscles loosen and breathed in contentment. I flipped onto my side and tried to fall asleep, which I eventually did after a while.

The next morning, I did the same as I had done the previous morning. I got up, dressed myself, went to breakfast, ate quickly, and then went to training. During training, the job of healing the soldiers that were burned or injured fell upon me. After training, Zuko and I met up for dinner.

"Did you finish your letter?" Zuko asked.

I froze and then slowly shook my head. "No, I didn't."

"Did you even start?"

I looked up at him. "Well, I did. On a number of occasions. It's so hard to come out with the right words, Zuko. I don't know what to say to him. I mean, what do you say to your brother that pretty much hates you and you ran away from?" I questioned, my voice rising in volume.

He gaped at him, blinking for a second or two. "Katara," he soothed, "there's no need to get worked up over this. "

"But—"

"Do you want me to help you?" he offered.

I nodded my head. "Yes."

"How far did you get?"

"'Dear Sokka,'" I answered dryly. I tore off a piece of bread and dipped it into my stew. I put into my mouth and chewed it.

"Oh."

I swallowed. "Yeah." I sighed and slumped my shoulders. I pouted slightly and looked at my lap. "What if he doesn't write back? What if he wants nothing to do with me?" I whispered. "What if I've hurt him beyond repair?" So many fears were swimming around and around in my mind. I couldn't help but let some spill out.

And perhaps that wasn't a bad thing. Perhaps it was better that I spoke about how I felt rather than keep it bottled up. My feelings ate away at me if I kept them shut up in my mind for too long, and even though I knew that and saw what it did to me, I just let it go on. I didn't change it at all.

And who was I to tell anyways? Before I hadn't had anyone to tell and now I had Zuko. But…sometimes I felt like he didn't quite understand how I felt. Like we didn't _connect._

It was quite frustrating actually. He wanted me to practically spill my guts about how I felt and what had happened to me, but whenever I asked about what had happened to him, he snapped at me. It didn't make sense and it made me angry. It made me so angry that I wanted to yell at him.

To be honest, his constant help was beginning to bother me. It was like he didn't believe in me at all. Like he didn't think I could handle being alone for more than an hour. I mean, I could very well take care of myself physically if not emotionally. Just because I struggled with keeping my emotions in balance didn't mean I was going to kill myself the moment I was alone.

"Katara," Zuko said, "he is your brother and he loves you dearly. Weren't you frightened that you had hurt me beyond repair and that I would instantly shut you down as soon as I saw your face?" he asked.

I bit my lip and my eyebrows wrinkled. I tilted my head up and gazed at him. I meekly nodded my head and murmured, "Yes."

"And that even though you were scared of seeing me and telling me how you felt, you still went out and found me?" he questioned. "Despite all the negative emotions you were feeling, there was one that prevailed over all and that drove you to do the right thing—love. And whether or not you truly believe your brother loves you and you love him, there's _still_ love between you two that binds you together," he declared with such passion and conviction in his voice.

He was right. Whether I wanted to believe Sokka loved me or not, it didn't matter. I loved him and I was kind of in the same situation I had been with Zuko. I knew how I felt and even though I didn't know how Sokka felt for me, I was still going to put myself out there and let him know how I felt and that I was sorry for all I had done to him.

Later that night, Zuko came to my room to help me write my letter to Sokka. We stayed up pretty late and still didn't get very far. We were both rapidly becoming tired and yearning very much so for sweet slumber.

Melancholy, I sighed from exhaustion and agitation. I propped my elbow on the desk and rested my head on my hand. I closed my eyes, hoping to catch some sleep. I felt a warm hand fall on my shoulder and gently shake me.

"Katara," Zuko whispered in my ear, his hot breath rolling over my ear and the nape of my neck, "we're almost done.

I kept my eyes shut. "Can't we do this tomorrow?" I questioned, barely pronounce my words properly.

"I can't," he replied. "I'm going to be gone tomorrow."

My eyes snapped open. What did he mean? Why was he going to be gone? He hadn't told me of that at all. Panic shot through me and I felt a sharp pang in the pit of my stomach that made me feel sick. I turned my head to Zuko and looked him in the eye worriedly. "What do you mean?" I asked. "Why are you leaving?"

"I have to go on a trip," he answered.

"Why? Where are you going?"

"I can't tell you, but I'll be back within two weeks."

"Two weeks?" I echoed and my eyebrows wrinkled. My eyes flickered across his features. Many thoughts and fears buzzed around in my mind like hornet bees. He was going to be gone, and that scared me, honestly. I mean, how was I going to be able to handle myself? I was starting to become codependent on him—a dangerous thing. But perhaps him leaving was for the best. Maybe it was to help me stand on my own two feet.

I bit my lip and then said, "But…what am I supposed to do?"

He half-smiled at me. He placed a hand reassuringly on my shoulder and confidently replied, "You'll figure it out. You're a smart woman who's capable of amazing things. Your heart was awaked to beat again for a reason, and it won't be squandered."

I gave him a doubting look.

"I have faith in you."

_Well, that makes one of us…_ I bitterly and fearfully thought.

I mean, what if I was only lifted up again to let others down again? What if I was only here to destroy what I had come to try and restore? All the promises I had made, just to be broken? That was a chilling thought that froze my blood and made me doubt myself.

The next morning, Zuko left before I rose. He woke once dawn evolved and escaped like a thief in the night. He left with four other med, Takeshi being one of them. Before Zuko left, he made Jang step in for him and perform his daily duties along with his own.

Things went on as they normally did; we had already fallen into a steady routine. I woke up and pulled my tunic on and threw my hair into a ponytail. I went to breakfast to have a quick bite to eat and field to the training area along with all the other soldiers. From there, we would practice until evening fell and then went to dinner. After that, we went to bed only to rise and repeat all over again the next morning.

It had been five days since Zuko and the other men had left, and we were going on about our normal business like any other day. The relationship between Jang and I had been restored and during breakfast and dinner, we ate together and talked. After dinner, we would walk to our rooms and say goodnight.

We talked about normal things; friends, family, interests, pet peeves, but there was always one thing on my mind that I wanted to ask. What had happened to Zuko? I knew Jang knew, but he had said it was a story best heard from Zuko. Still…I had a small sliver of hope that Jang would tell me, and there was no harm in asking, right?

"Jang," I said, nervously at dinner.

He looked up from his bowl of soup and responded, "Yeah?"

"Can you tell me something?" I asked.

He kept his eyes locked on me and nodded once, worried about where this was heading.

"What happened to Zuko?"

"Katara," he said, "I already told you—"

"I know," I interjected, "but…" I bit my lip and drew my eyes down to my lap. "I'm worried about him. He seems to be so set on helping me heal, but not about him healing, and I'm worried whatever he's hiding is going to eat him alive and destroy all the light within," I stated quietly and then realized that I sounded like Zuko because that's how he talked about me. We were so alike it was almost scary.

"I know you are. But Zuko is strong and he just needs time to heal and get through this. He's not going to get over it, but get through it, and it's not going to take a week or two," he reasoned. "It's just like you; it's going to take time—time you have to allow."

I began to get just a bit irritated with Jang. I was only trying to help Zuko because I saw this thing wasn't going to end well within him if he kept everything bottled up from inside. I knew that from personal experience and I remembered that Zuko had tried to tell me that the night I had forced him to leave. I looked up at him, a scowl on my face. "Jang, I'm only trying to help him."

"I understand, but—"

"But you won't let me!" I cried. "If I knew what he went through, I could help him."

"How can you help him?"

"Just like he's helping me," I answered firmly.

Jang sighed and his eyes became downcast. He shook his head and said softly, "It's not my story to tell."

"But you're a part of it," I pleaded with him.

He closed his eyes and shook his head again. "I can't tell you, Katara. That's something Zuko has to come to terms with—not me."

I looked at him head on. My eyebrows were wrinkled together and my pursed lips trembled slightly from anger. "Fine," I coldly said.

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys! Well, here's the newest chapter. Sorry it took awhile for me to get this out. It's been really busy lately; February always is. I figured that now would be the best time to post this chapter because it's Valentine's Day and I'm single and lonely and I have a box of chocolate that's calling my name so this is something that can distract me. Lol, no, I'm actually sick in bed and missed school, so I had time to proofread the chapter and post it. I've been sick since Saturday, my birthday actually. It's not been the best February so far, but not the worst.**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I was kind of meh while writing it actually. ANywyas, it's not very long, but the next one will be longer and much more...exciting/intense! Trust me!**

**Thanks so much for reading and please review!**

**Happy Valentine's Day!**

**-Neon**


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